The Rebel Organization
by glossgirl
Summary: Emma Hhaze has left everything and everyone she loves behind. After escaping capture she prepares herself for death in the desert, but stumbles across something that will change her life forever: the rebel organization - Rated M for chapters with sexual content - BASED ON BOOK -
1. Prologue

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_**All characters (except Emma Hhaze) belong to Stephenie Meyer**_

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><p><strong>*Prologue*<strong>

I sat in the driver's seat of my wrecked Astra and waited, for what I didn't know, but there was nothing else that I could do. It was only a few days ago I had been complaining about having to move so often, and now look where I was. In the position where I couldn't move even though I wanted nothing more. I don't think I'd ever wanted anything more than to move out of the sun that was beating down in the Arizona desert, making me feel as though I was roasting inside the confines of my car, and by the look of my skin I was. My usually ghostly skin - pale from the hours spent indoors hiding - was now burnt and peeling away in places. It was painful just to look at so I refrained from touching it no matter how much I wanted to soothe my pain. My once wavy raven coloured hair was matted and slick with dirt and grease. Probably worst of all, my skin had broken out. I knew it was a stupid thing to care about especially in the circumstances but I couldn't help feeling self-conscious. I was a teenager after all.

_I'm too young for this_, I thought to myself. I was only sixteen. I should be worrying about school and boys and trying to sneak out to house parties, not running away from aliens who wanted to replace my 'soul' with theirs. I didn't have a problem admitting I was young, not to myself anyway, although I would refute any adult calling me a child.

I punched the steering wheel angrily as the suspension creaked in protest from going over yet another patch of uneven ground. I'd been out in this God-forsaken desert for three days now and I was sick of it. I was sick of the sun. Sick of the gritty sand. Sick of the creosote. And most of all I was sick of the fear of coyotes. I hadn't seen one yet but I couldn't shake the feeling that they were hiding somewhere, waiting in suspense for me to venture out of my car. I was also in fear of my water supply, it was now dangerously past the point that could be called dwindling. The heat was unbearable in the car but I didn't dare go out of it. Once I walked away from it I was sure I'd never find my way back. Just like I had done with the road.

I was lost. There was little doubt in my mind that I would never find my way back again and I grew more convinced by the day, the unremarkable landscape of the desert was evidence to that. I couldn't find a landmark anywhere and I hadn't especially been looking for one when I turned up here, I'd just driven off the road to escape. The only things around were mountains and they all looked the same from every angle to me, I'd always been terrible with geography and now it was back to bite me. With a pang I looked at the fuel gauge, it was empty, and sure enough I could hear the gas tank sucking on air. I was doomed. Another wave of bittersweet emotion accompanied the car giving out on me. I let it carry on with its momentum, until finally it lurched to a stop in a particularly big ditch in the sand.

I could feel part of me - although only a small part let it be said - that was rejoicing. I could be happy I lasted this long at least, even if it didn't turn out quite how I had planned, but then were was my life meant to lead? There was no future for someone like me.

I may have escaped those monsters but I was still going to die. I felt a bubble of laughter rise in me although it sounded more like a hoarse croak. I suspect lack of water was the culprit of that. The laughter itself was probably caused by hysteria from the lack of sleep, food and water, not to mention chronic loneliness. I tried not to associate with anyone anymore. No friends or family. No one to confide in or befriend. I just couldn't cope. I felt the laughter again and it shook my body. Then a sob. _No. _I wouldn't cry. I always hated crying. It was weak of me. This was my choice to be lonely and I would stick with it. I thought back to the last person I had befriended, a girl the same age as me and human. Anna, and her mother. She was a smart one. Unfortunately when the Seekers came they just weren't fast enough. I wanted to help them but I only just escaped myself. Grief racked my body. I wouldn't socialise anymore, I don't think I'd be able to take the pain of losing one more person.

The pessimistic part of my mind - which I'll freely admit to being the more dominant recently - reminded me I had two options. I could either slowly die in this car like a slow cooked ham, or go out into the desert in search of… something, I wasn't sure what. The added bonus of this would be the possible excitement of heatstroke or maybe even an encounter with a coyote.

_Oh joy. _I thought with a roll of my eyes. Even at deaths door I couldn't curb my sarcasm.

However terrible my impending doom, I couldn't help feeling slightly smug, I had won in the end. It may not be the victory I'd been hoping for, after all I _was _still going to die, but they would never use my body as a host. I had beaten them, one million to one. I gave another laugh-sob. _Yep, definitely hysterical._ I wouldn't cry, there was no point letting myself get unreasonably dehydrated - as if I wasn't already. I would take this any day though; in comparison to letting myself be a host this was a walk in the park.

I don't know how long I sat considering my fate, it could have been minutes of hours, but soon enough the sun was starting to set. I decided to make up my mind where I would prefer to die tomorrow, and I climbed into the back of my tiny Astra to sleep, slipping forward on the seats due to the tilt of the car I'd just nose-dived into the sand. The position was made excruciatingly uncomfortable by the fact I was tall, about five-ten, so the car was at least a foot too short for me in this position.

I pulled a blanket, old, tattered and discarded on the floor after last nights use, over me. It would get cold soon. Really cold.

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	2. Chapter 1: Decisions

**_All characters (except Emma Hhaze) belong to Stephenie Meyer_**

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><p>*Chapter 1*<p>

I knew that my eyes were closed, yet I could tell it was dark as there was no light burning orange behind my eyelids, and underneath the heat I had conserved under my blanket I could feel the cold of the night making me shiver. My mouth tasted like salt and burned. It was so dry, but I couldn't afford to waste my water. I couldn't find the energy to open my eyes yet, so I fell back into my fitful slumber.

_The dark surrounded me giving me the cover I needed. Perfect. My bags were already packed with everything I owned, nothing trivial of course, mainly clothes, food and water. I had no need for trivial things such as jewelry now. I left my hideaway, a rundown shack in the middle of nowhere, and drove towards my next temporary home. It was true that these dwellings weren't always originally made for human habitation, but it was much less likely I would be sought after in them. For months I'd been doing this, moving from one location to the next, it was just standard procedure now. Routine._

Is that why I'm curled into this horrible position again? Am I hidden in a hole somewhere? …and what was that snuffling sound…? The dream turned into a familiar nightmare...

_I was on the highway when she found me. The Seeker. I shook my fringe over my eyes and prayed that she wouldn't look too closely at me, my fringe wasn't as thick or long enough to cover as much of my eyes as I'd like. I pulled over to the side of the road as she flashed her lights at me. I had to act like an ordinary soul, it would all be over soon. I probably just had a tail-light out or something. The Seeker stepped over to my car. She was young and pretty with short brown hair and eyes that shimmered in the lights of passing cars. No matter how much their reflective eyes freaked me out I couldn't help admire the way they shimmered, like pieces of mother of pearl._

…it was her… she was the reason I was stuck like this…

_She pulled out a torch. I panicked. It was possible she was just going to check my license - not that I had one - but maybe not. Maybe she knew more than I thought._

…why didn't I have a licence…?

_I couldn't take the risk. I took off down the highway with as much speed as I could coax out of my little car. Glancing in the rear-view mirror I watched as her expression turned from shock to realization and then anger. It was so strange to see that expression on a souls face, but she was a Seeker; almost a different breed. I understood her anger, I was human, I was the enemy, and only a human would feel the need to panic and run off. Souls weren't so rude. Damn them being so polite._

_Within seconds she was back in her car - damn, she was fast - and was pursuing me. I had the head start but I quickly lost it. After about ten minutes I found myself about to get stuck between the backlog of traffic and the Seeker. There was no way out. Only…_

_I swerved off the road and down a rocky slope; into the desert._

The dream dissolved into fragmented images of my friends and family, now lost to the souls, and the homes I'd turned to then ran from as my loved ones had all come back with an unwelcome guest. My emotions spiked with fear and sadness but also with disgust. Those creatures were everything that I'd hated for so long, having taken my life from me at such a young age, I couldn't think of anything that I hated more, other than maybe the crippling loneliness and the desert surrounding me. They searched us out, captured us and inserted more of their kind into the backs of our heads, oh yes, I knew how they did it. I'd see the scars and put two and two together. I may have missed most of my education but it didn't take long for me to work things out.

I jolted awake when I heard the coyote, the sound sent shivers down my spine and I curled into a protective ball underneath my blanket. My heart was pumping and I was full of adrenaline, not that it would be of any use in this situation. The fight or flight response wasn't helpful when you could do neither, it just left me restless and starting at every sound. I imagined the coyote walking around my car, sniffing me out, trying to find its way in like I might search for a way to open a can of tuna with no can opener. I wondered how much damage those claws could do, then shuddered as I thought of them sinking into human flesh. I could only hope that they would leave me soon, give up on a lost cause, or at least get rid of any Seekers that might happen to follow me.

But, wait, there was another reason I was so restless… ah yes, my 'dream', except it wasn't a dream; rather it was a memory from around three days ago now. I didn't need my memory to tell me what happened next, as it was still happening in the present. I'd gotten lost and slowly my hope of escape evaporated, as did my water. It was that Seeker that had gotten me into this mess. Anger flared inside of me not just for it but for all of them. All of those parasites that had taken away my friends, my family and my home.

I answered the questions, brought up by my flashback, in my mind. I was in the Arizona desert and the cold was due to the desert climate: hot in the day, cold at night. The snuffling sound was most likely the same coyote that had woken me. The uncomfortable position I was in was due to the fact I was curled up in the backseat of a miniscule car way too short for my tall frame and the woman who had caused this was the Seeker. I didn't have a license because I'd taught myself to drive and couldn't get a license without being noticed as a human. And they were so polite because that was their nature, one of the ways they considered themselves better than all humans.

I used to be polite, it was them that had turned myself - and many others I'm sure - into what they feared the most. Violent and uncooperative.

It was their own fault that many of them were killed by the few human rebels still alive. I'd watched once as one was shot from a distance, and although I realized that from such a distance there would be no way for them to tell I was human, and consequently I was also in danger, I was smug that there were others like me, the parasites hadn't come as far as they thought in terms of the invasion, but grudgingly I accepted that they had advanced so much further when it came to medicine. How was it that terminally ill patients' came out of the hospital good as new, as had happened with my grandmother?

I noticed the sky was starting to lighten from dark blue to peach along the horizon and realized it was sun rise. The seat under me felt wet, I just assumed it was sweat - the day was already beginning to become unbearably hot again - but as I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes I noticed my eyes stung and my cheeks were wet, my dreams of the people I had left behind had caused me to cry in my sleep, maybe it was the sound of my distress that had alerted the coyote to my presence. The realization irritated me, crying would only dehydrate me further not get me out of this mess.

I had made up my mind. If they had turned me into this person then it was their fault, and I was going to try my best to survive any way possible. I was getting out of this car and searching, for what I didn't know, I'd figure it out when I found it.

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	3. Chapter 2: The Fall

**_All characters (except Emma Hhaze) belong to Stephenie Meyer_**

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><p>Chapter 2<p>

As the sun beat down on me relentlessly, I knew I'd made a mistake. The mistake being getting out of that metal coffin I'd once called a car, not that I could change anything now. I was already too far away from the car to find it again.

Now that I was away from it I missed it. I missed its shade. I missed the protection from the sand strewn through the air by the wind. And most importantly I missed the shelter at night from the various creatures. It's strange how you can hate something so much, only to realize what it meant once you can never get it back. I guess people were a little like that too, no matter how much you dislike someone there comes a time when you wish that somebody, _anybody,_ would be there for you. But I mustn't think of that now.

I continued to stumble along. Deprivation of food and water was beginning to take its toll. I had begun hallucinating I was sure of it. I kept imagining voices, all sorts of voices; young, old, male and female, but I could never quite hear what they were saying. They were always just out of reach. If I could just hear what they were saying I might find a way out, or, more likely, I'd just go insane from the ramblings of my mind. I'd always been paranoid, and I had to admit that it had gotten a lot worse since I'd found out about the souls, but it had never been this bad. I had never heard voices, I'd imagined conversations with people in my head, even talked back out-loud sometimes to break up the silence, but I had never actually heard voices as though they were next to me, unclear or otherwise.

My legs felt weak and oddly light, which was at odds with how much effort I had to put into moving them. My head hung as though my neck was rubber and my back ached. My stomach felt excruciatingly painful, and the little urine I passed was a dark brown. I remembered my mom once telling me it was dangerous to get to that point. I wonder what she would think now – if she wasn't a host.

By mid-afternoon I gave up. I'd never been a very positive person so giving up all hope didn't seem too strange to me. I didn't even know what I was looking for out here so what was the point. I'd already surpassed my expectations. I'd survived the Seekers for a year and lasted a few days in the middle of the desert with very little food and water, which was more than some could say. I remembered with dismay at those who had given themselves up in the hope they'd be allowed to keep their bodies. They were mistaken. At least now I could die on my own terms, the parasites would never use my body.

Not able to stand any longer I allowed my weary legs to finally collapse under me. I lay on the scorched ground and prayed that death would be quick, preferably while I was sleeping; it sure as hell beat being eaten by a coyote. I wasn't particularly fond of the patch of ground I'd fallen on, it was riddled with cracks and in some places were some ominous looking holes that seemed as though they just wanted to swallow you, but I was too fatigued to move. I lay there for hours with closed eyes until the sun set, and then I resigned myself to sleep.

I stretched out on my back, feeling my muscles pull from the time spent sleeping balled up in the back of the car. The ground was warm, I noticed, possibly a volcano. It would be just my luck to have a volcano explode while I was lying at the base of it.

I was almost drifting off into another fitful sleep when I heard it. A groan. Not a human groan, but the kind you hear when something usually stable begins to give way. Unrelenting objects scraping against each other in a bid for dominance. My eyes snapped open in fear. _The rock!_ No sooner had the thought passed through my mind did the rock crumble away beneath me, and I was falling. I close my eyes and held in my scream, preparing for death once and for all. And I landed on… something. Death wasn't mean to be this painful was it? With a start I realized I was burning. Maybe I'd gone to Hell, I most certainly had never been a saint.

My eyes snapped open but rather than seeing the Devil's minions surrounding me like I had conjured in my mind, I was surrounded by people. Not just people, _humans!_ And all of them were wearing the same expression: shock. Somewhere through the haze I was in I heard a scream. It sounded course and made my head pound harder. With a start I realized the scream was mine and the pain was brought into sharp focus. I couldn't stop screaming. Reality was back. My own screams deafened me as the room exploded into chaos.

"Get her off the coals!" A man with a thick grey beard was yelling to another tall, well-built man, both of their faces masked in shock and panic.

They started to clamber towards me through the rubble, slowed down as the stones slipped under them and they fell trying to find their footing. I continued to scream through the pain, my attempts at stopping my tears earlier seeming worthless now. My throat felt torn apart both from the dehydration and the screaming, my sobs intermingling with the screams. Others in the room started to come out of their shocked daze and began clearing the rubble away to make a clear path back to a hole in the opposite wall.

The two men had finally reached me and were attempting to pull me off of the coal which turned out to be more painful than the actual burning. One of the men grabbed a firm hold of my feet while the other took hold of my arms as close as he could get to my burning flesh. I flinched away from their touch as the skin was pulled off of my back. They shared a quick glance and then pulled me away swiftly. I wouldn't have believed I could have screamed any louder, yet I did. My back felt wet and stung as the air rushed against it, as they ran with me strung between them. We passed through a tunnel and a large room, so bright I had to screw my eyes shut, in a blur. I was carried through yet another tunnel, my screams now turning to hysterical sobs. I felt bile rise in my throat and I retched, but there was no worry to them of me vomiting on them; there had been nothing I my stomach for days.

It took about ten minutes to reach the next cave and a man, presumably a doctor, had heard us coming. I couldn't be surprised considering the racket I'd been making. I was on the edge of consciousness as they dumped me face down on the cot. The doctor gasped and cursed in quick succession and then went to work. He tried to remove my shirt to get to my burns but I screamed again and flinched away from him. He disappeared from my line of sight but was back a moment later, bottle in hand. He tried putting something that looked like a piece of tissue paper on my tongue, it lay there not doing anything and I continued to sob. He cursed again then came back with another bottle and a cloth which was wet with something. Panic was setting in again but there wasn't anything I could do in my current condition so I just lay there sobbing and as he covered my face with the cloth. I inhaled the fumes and everything went black.

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><p>I woke feeling comfortable and rested. The most comfortable I'd felt for as long as I could remember. I should really get up soon and prepare to move to my next location but I was just so comfortable, I could afford to wait a few minutes longer. I stretched my back throwing my arms above my head and felt my spine crack at the same time my hand brushed something cool and rough. That was odd, I was in an old wooden shack… wasn't I? The skin of my back felt tight – I sat upright, breathing heavily, panic setting in once again.<p>

My heart went into overdrive as my memory flooded back to me and I closed my eyes in an attempt to regain control. First the Seeker and my journey into the desert, the feeling of desperation and resignation I'd felt at accepting death, yet I wasn't dead. Then the memory of leaving the car and wandering throughout the day before lying on that cracked rock that was riddled with holes. The rest of the memories hit me like a ton of bricks. Falling through the rock, landing on coals and being rushed to the man with the cloth.

What had he done to me? How bad was the injury that I couldn't feel a thing?

My eyes open reluctantly and I glanced around the cave. It was full of cots and there was makeshift desk piled with books and papers. A hospital I realized, raising my eyebrows in surprise.

Someone coughed. I started and looked to my left where a man was looking down at me with curiosity.

"Where am I?" My voice came out barely a whisper so I cleared my throat and tried again. It was a little louder but still so coarse that I was surprised he could understand me.

"Jeb's caves" he answered as though it was obvious. My eyebrows pulled in to meet each other as I frowned at him. "You're in Arizona" he clarified.

"Oh" I said simply, there wasn't much else to say. I'd already known I was in Arizona but in my confused haze nothing seemed to click into place in my mind. Thoughts drifted through my mind unconnected. _Get it together, now!_ I scolded myself.

"You're safe now." He smiled at me and added, "You made quite an entrance."

"I guess I did…" I winced in embarrassment, I was mortified that I'd destroyed their shelter. I knew better than most how hard it was to find somewhere safe, "Can I have some water? Sorry." I felt bad for asking more of him when he'd apparently done so much for me; I wasn't dead after all. My mind was drawn back to my back. I wanted to see it, I couldn't feel any pain but I may be sedated still. That was the only explanation I could come up with.

"Yes, of course."

As he walked to pick up a canteen on his desk and fill a glass for me I sat up and looked around for a mirror, I couldn't see one so I carefully put my hand a few millimetres away from the skin on my back. It's strange how you can feel tenderness without even touching, almost like a sixth sense, but this time I felt no tenderness so I gently stoked a finger across the skin. It tingled, no pain. I was still pondering how this was possible when he handed me the water.

I wanted to gulp it down all at once but I refrained, remembering the time I had had heat stroke and made myself vomit by drinking too quickly. I sipped it and closed my eyes, it was the best thing I had ever tasted, life itself it seemed.

"What's your name?" he questioned. I could tell that he was trying to acclimatize me to his presence, he must have assumed I'd been alone for a while and he was right, I couldn't remember the last time I'd had a conversation with another person.

"Emma… Emma Hhaze" I replied. My thoughts were focused on my back once more. Why didn't it hurt anymore? I tried to voice this to the man, "Why…" I said touching my back gingerly. The skin was smooth and tight as though it was freshly healed, I couldn't understand it.

"I'm Doc. We healed you using soul medicine."

I choked on a sip of water. "What?" I said slowly, surely I misheard.

"Don't worry there's no one here that's going to hurt you. We collect the medicine on raids." He looked at me with sincerity, "You were very badly burned."

"So there are no souls here?" My heart was beating hard against my ribs in that dreaded flight or fight response again.

He hesitated, his smile faltering. "I never said there weren't souls here, but I promise you no one will hurt you." My heart stopped, the sudden change making my head spin.

I edged away from him quickly almost falling off the edge of the cot and dropping the canteen in the process. Precious water spilled and spread over the floor in a steadily growing pool. It was a trick it must be. These humans were sided with them and were messing with my head before they took my body away from me. How could they do something like this? Did they not understand that they weren't safe either? Were they like the others that thought they could be saved?

"They aren't like other souls I swear," He said quickly, retrieving the fallen canteen with a grim expression, "they've gone native so to speak." he added.

"Gone native?" I said incredulously. Now that the water had cleared my throat a bit I could hear my voice rising with anger. What kind of sick joke was he trying to pull?

"Yes, please just listen!"

I stopped moving away. I couldn't do anything but listen anyway; it wasn't like I knew a way out of here, wherever here was, I knew it was in the desert but that was the end of it. He visibly relaxed, he looked relieved.

"Wanda, the first soul -"

"The _first soul_?" I couldn't believe my ears.

"Yes, now let me explain" he said patiently, "Wanda, the first soul, came here to find her hosts brother and her lover. She wasn't a Seeker, she had grown to love them through Melanie's, the host's, memories. Melanie was still present and she had persuaded Wanda to find them again and she did. It took a long time to convince everyone she wasn't a threat.

"Eventually she came to love Melanie so much she wanted to give Mel her body back. She planned to let herself die in her soul form to be buried out here in the desert but _didn't_ plan on having a man who had fallen in love with her, a human, to bring her a new host." He must have seen me stiffen as he continued on quicker. "This host was chosen after a thorough search, we knew the host wasn't present and there was no chance of the person coming back. It was likely the previous soul had been in that body since the host was extremely young. Wanda is still around and she's the reason we are able to get so much medicine… and remove some souls and give the hosts their lives back."He said the last part reluctantly as though he wasn't sure how much he should tell me.

I just stared at him incredulously. So if I was hearing this right, Wanda was a rebel soul who had fallen in love with a human. I didn't trust her in the slightest. Granted, the rest of them were still human but for how long? Souls could be cunning despite their holier than thou demeanor.

"You… you said she was the first, there's more?" I didn't want to let him in on my doubtful thinking.

"Yes, Sunny. She came here when Kyle was trying to bring back the host, his old girlfriend. The girl, Jodi, never came back though and we had to choose between letting the body starve to death or returning the soul who had been very kind and no threat to us at all. We chose the latter and Kyle and Sunny are now very happy together." he finished smiling at me.

I continued to stare in disbelief. If this wasn't the end of the world I'd think I was part of some elaborate prank. There were two mixed relationships here. Mixed in the way of soul and human. I tried to process this, it wasn't digesting easily. I kneaded my forehead with my knuckles and tried to get around my confusion.

"We need to get you some food."

I nodded at him numbly and tried to remember when I last ate. I couldn't, but I was sure it had been days. I followed him out of the room rather unsteadily, already regretting spilling the water I'd been given, and down what seemed like an endless tunnel. We entered into an incredibly bright room I dimly remembered passing through on the way to the hospital, and I noticed for the first time that it had a number of other tunnels branching off of it. I wondered vaguely how so much light got into the room without them allowing themselves to be noticed by the souls on the surface.

"We're cooking in the recreation room at the moment, seeing as you crashed through the ceiling of the kitchen." So that explained why I'd landed on hot coals, they had been cooking. I felt a tremendous burden of guilt at having ruined part of their way of life, at the same time as being amazed they had a kitchen in a place like this. I knew that if I was invited to stay here I would do all I could to help them fix it again despite the souls that lived here. Opportunities like this just didn't happen anymore and I felt a compulsion to stay. I would definitely be keeping an eye out for any non-humans however.

We exited the tunnel into a large room illuminated with dim blue light. I stopped dead. In front of me were people, tens of people. The biggest group of humans I'd seen post-apocalypse. And a soul.

It was a rebel organization.

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	4. Chapter 3: Shunned

_**All characters (except Emma Hhaze) belong to Stephenie Meyer**_

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><p><strong>Chapter 3<strong>

The room went quiet as soon as I stepped in. I blushed profusely. I'd never liked large crowds especially when I was the centre of attention, and now I was going to be forever known as the girl who ruined their kitchen with her 'grand entrance'. _Oh joy_, I thought sarcastically. They all looked so angry and offended, and I didn't blame them. If I had made my life here I would have been murderous at this point.

The silence didn't last long though. Somewhere someone chuckled and then stepped out of the crowd. He was older than most of the others with a grey beard and… a gun? What kind of show were they running here? But I recognized this man with the grey hair. He had been one of the ones that had pulled me off the coals, he must have been stronger than he looked. I smiled at him shyly.

He must have seen my eyeing his gun as he said "Just a precaution, we don't know how your gunna react to all this yet."

So the gun was meant for me. I heard myself laugh bitterly. Ah there's my laugh, I thought, the adrenaline must have kicked my body into gear again.

My stomach gave a horrible lurch then, hunger pangs, and I noticed once again the burning in my throat. The man chuckled again, obviously hearing my discomfort and gestured to someone to bring some food. Slowly everyone around us went back to their activities, some helped dish out food, some sat and ate, and others were kicking a ball around in the corner. It seemed like a nice little community to be part of, if they weren't all out for my blood that is.

"I'm Jeb and these are my caves." He said it proudly as if they were his own creation. I had no doubt he must have excavated a lot but surely he couldn't take credit for the whole thing.

"So I've heard" I said glancing to the doctor, he was now in conversation with a red haired woman who was glaring at a woman with dark skin and hair. I realized this dark woman was a soul and I cringed away from her on reflex. Obviously she wasn't accepted by everyone here then. I wondered if the soul was Wanda or Sunny?

Jeb saw me looking at me and said, "That's Sunny over there, she's a soul." I nodded. I already knew this. I wasn't one for prejudice so I kept my mouth shut and tried not to judge her too harshly, after all who was I to say that some souls didn't agree with the position they were put in here on earth, something I had never considered. I wouldn't be welcoming her with open arms anytime soon though, I'd be careful and observe as they had done with us before the invasion. Hate bubbled up inside my stomach once again as I thought of everyone I had lost. It must have read on my expression as just then food and water on a tray was stuffed into my hand and I was led in the opposite direction to sit away from her.

I tried sipping my water but after a while I couldn't help but gulp it down. It tasted strange, like sulphur almost, and I guessed this really was a volcano but I wasn't going to be picky, they were being so kind, a kindness I didn't deserve after the mess I had made. The food was simple, bread mostly, and I wondered how much I had impaired their living conditions by ruining the kitchen.

Jeb watched me eat for a moment, holding his gun a little too casually as if he expected me to leap at the soul any second, and then launched into an explanation of the caves and how they all worked together to keep them running. I noticed he never told me where the exit was, or took his hands off the gun to point in which direction the caves were that he was telling me about.

"Um… where was the washroom again?" I was very aware that I must smell to the extreme and I looked a real mess too. Jeb just grinned at me like he could tell what I was thinking and then led me out of the room into the tunnel once again. I tripped and stumbled in the dark but he never moved too far away so that I could keep cautiously following him. We moved through the bright room that had the other tunnels leading off the sides, I tried to squint through the bright sunlight to see more of the room. I noticed for the first time the patches of brown and green on the floor but by the time my eyes had adjusted enough to make out anymore, Jeb was leading me into another long, dark tunnel. A tunnel that was getting hotter and more humid every step.

We stepped out of that cramped tunnel and I was instantly hit by a wall of steam, I gulped in the water saturated air trying to find enough oxygen to fill my lungs. "The bathing area's through that hole there and behind that is what we use as the toilet. Don't get those two mixed up." He warned. "And be careful of the floor it can be a bit unstable, whatever you do don't fall in. There was… an incident a while back and part of the floor fell, so mind where you step." He gestured to some fast flowing water in the floor, a stream and a river which bubbled as though it boiled, with all the steam it could well be.

I nodded at him, gripped by fear but I pushed myself onwards in any case. I couldn't scare myself into not washing and everyone else managed it alright. I stepped lightly everywhere, searching with my toes before moving in case I suddenly found myself near the edge of the stream or on an unsteady part of the floor. What was that 'incident' he had told me about? Had somebody died? I shuddered at the thought of falling into that boiling river. After what felt like an age I found myself through the doorway and into a small room with a hole in the ground. This must be what they used for a bath tub. In this dark light it was almost like a mirror, except the water rippled too much to be of any use.

I stripped my clothes off and slid into the water with a sigh, to my relief it was pleasantly warm. I stood there for a moment and let the water wash over my aching joints before I started to scrub the dirt and sweat of my body. They were sore from so many days sitting in one position in my car and then from walking most of the day in the scorching heat, and now I could feel my skin peeling away stinging where the water hit it, apart from my back; that just tingled gently. My hair was the biggest problem. If it was matted before then it was just impossible now, I was reduced to dunking my head and trying to ease out the knots piece by piece. Some of it was missing; it must have got burned off. I made a note myself to chop it off to an even length at the first opportunity. My fingers snagged my hair as I ran them through, working out the larger knots then moving on to the smaller ones. I saw the water turn a horrible muddy colour before it was swept away on the pulsing current and I was glad, I'd hate to leave anymore of the place unusable. I realized I was taking a long time and was suddenly very conscious of Jeb waiting for me to finish so that he could show me back to the rec room.

I hurriedly scrubbed my clothes as best as I could with as little soap as possible. I didn't want to waste any especially as I didn't know who it belonged to. Was it everyone's or had someone left it here by accident?

When I had finished I got dressed in a rush, the wet clothes soothing on my fresh, raw skin as they cooled taking away some of the residual heat from being out in the desert for so long, and tried to find my way back to him in the dark as quickly as possible. Lost in my thoughts I forget to search with my toes and heard a crack, I leapt back as lightly as possible with a small squeak of terror as the boiling river swept by me. Finally I reached him and what I hoped was more stable ground. I smiled at him apologetically and he nodded his acceptance.

"How old are you, anyway?" He asked on the way back to where everyone was convened.

"Sixteen." I muttered. It was always embarrassing stating my age as everyone immediately considered my views to be unimportant. It was also embarrassing because of my height; it provoked a lot of teasing.

"Sixteen, the same age as Jamie then." he said giving me a glance. He was probably thinking I'd blush but I was long past the point of hoping for anyone who would consider me in a relationship. I didn't have a way with guys like some girls had, although all those girls were now hosts which soothed my jealousy slightly, until my thoughts turned back to the loved ones I'd lost and I felt guilt at wishing that on anybody. "He's away on a raid at the moment so you can use his room, you have a room to yourself for a bit so feel privileged; not many people get that honour."

I did feel privileged, with so many people here it must be hard to find enough space. "Are you sure he won't mind?" I questioned, I felt uneasy using another person's room, especially a boy the same age as me.

"Course he won't, Jamie's a nice lad he knows how it is around here. Anyway I'm trusting you're not gunna wreck his room or nothing. And they all know it's my house my rules; they'll all obey it." He said the last bit like it was well rehearsed; he must have used it many times to keep order.

"I wouldn't mess anything up." And it was true, I felt mortified at the thought of ruining anymore of the caves, especially this 'Jamie's' room, everyone needed somewhere they could have some privacy.

"Then we don't have a problem." He smiled, his eyes crinkling up at the sides.

Instead of showing me to back to the room with the food he showed me to my temporary room, "Third tunnel on the left, it's the one with the bed sheet in front of the doorway." He told me to remember my way because he wasn't going to be able to show me around all the time.

"I'll give you a proper tour tomorrow, for tonight just get some rest, I've got a feeling you've had a long day."

I smiled with relief, I was exhausted.

He left, pulling the old bed sheet back over the doorway behind him. I surveyed the room. It was an average size, although in context of the caves I suppose it was a very good size, and I wondered if all the rooms were this big. There were four stacks of books on the floor, some were novels and some more factual, they must have all been saved before the souls became widespread, as most of the books would have been destroyed; they contained too much violence and strong emotion to be deemed peaceful. This guy sure did like to read if he'd taken his time to save them. The ceiling had a few cracks in, exposing the sky above, which lit the room with an orangey glow. The bed was little more than a mattress in the middle of the floor but out here in the desert I felt lucky. I wouldn't have expected more than a sleeping bag.

I sat on the bed gently, already feeling like an intruder in his personal space but I promised myself I'd leave everything as untouched as possible. It felt strange getting into someone else's bed without them being there to okay it, but I didn't feel like sleeping on the floor after all the abuse my body had been through lately. My back felt uncomfortable on the mattress with its fresh skin so I rolled around onto my stomach, trying to find a comfortable position. I wondered how they managed to get a double sized mattress through the doorway, but as I moved around to find a comfortable position I felt a dip almost like a fold in the middle and assumed they folded it as best they could to squeeze it through.

I thought for the first time how everyone must have ended up here. Did they search for people on theses raids? Or did they all know Jeb from before the invasion and had been let in on the secret, I only knew for sure how two of them ended up here and they were the souls I thought with unease. As my head hit the pillow I was overcome by a pleasant spicy scent that I assumed was aftershave, and then sleep took me, stealing me away and finally cleansing my mind of worries for the first time in months.

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><p><em><strong>Please read and review!<strong>_


	5. Chapter 4: Broken

_**All character (except Emma Hhaze) belong to Stephenie Meyer**_

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 4<span>**

On that second day after Jeb took me on a quick tour of the most of the caves – skipping the exit once again, not that I had any intention of wandering the desert – he took me to the ruined kitchen. "We're gunna focus on fixing this up after we've harvested the crops." I blushed again, something that I had been doing a lot lately I noticed, and nodded.

"I'll do whatever I can to help." I answered looking at my sneakers which were now purple with dust from the caves.

"Well… I'm sure we'll find something for you. Maybe you and Jamie could make the mortar." There was an odd glint in his eye but his face was plain, nothing to read.

"Um… sure." I didn't know what he was up to, but it was something.

"Good, now, let's get you started in the east fields and we'll work out what you can do tomorrow later on." And so my life at the caves started.

One week later I was slowly settling into a pattern in the caves: get up, eat breakfast, work, eat lunch, work, eat dinner, bathe, bed. Some might say it was boring, all work and no play, but I liked routine. It helped my keep my thoughts in line rather than worrying about Seekers or grieving lost friends; organization was my medication. My clothes were donations from the other women in the caves; luckily I was tall and slim like the rest of them. All the clothes were well worn but they were clean so that was good enough for me. People were beginning to accept my presence and most of them now teased me about my 'grand entrance' as they liked to put it, rather than torture me with the knowledge of what I had inadvertently done. I was grateful for this as I already had the guilt hanging over my head, I had promised to help fix it and I would; I was adamant.

It was a particularly hot Tuesday afternoon - or at least I thought it was Tuesday, time went a bit oddly here - when they arrived. The 'they' being the raiders. I was sat in the rec-room, which was still being used as the kitchen for now, when two of them walked in. One was a tall woman with tanned skin and long dark hair, the other was a tall, well-muscled man, also tanned (I guess everyone is in this kind of heat) with dark hair and smile lines around his mouth and eyes.

The man surveyed the room quickly in confusion, his gaze flicking over me and then back as he did a double take. I felt my face heat and turn a horrible splotchy red at being caught staring at them. His forehead wrinkled in sorrow and I looked down confused. Did my staring him bother him that much?

I looked hastily away and started chewing at my bread roll faster making my jaw ache. I hoped that wasn't Jamie, I don't think I'd be able to deal with the misery that man seemed to be feeling. To my relief Jeb appeared and called them.

"Mel, Jared!" Good so not Jamie then. His tone of voice suggested that he was happy to have them back, which I'm sure he was, but it also suggested he was preparing for a fight.

I watched out of the corner of my eye as Jeb went over and embraced the woman, Mel, and gave the man a slap on the back. Men and their strange ways, it's not like people were going to criticize them for sharing a quick hug, especially with the odd slaps on the back men give each other. I rolled my eyes then hoped no one had seen me do that, I didn't need anyone thinking I was crazy.

I saw Jared pull Jeb out of hearing distance and whisper to him, Jeb gave some anxious glances at people around the room, resting on Sharon and Doc, Maggie, and then myself, and then an expression passed over his face that seemed as though he'd been reprimanded of something, which was strange as these were supposedly his caves. His face took on a new look I hadn't seen on him before: anger. He said something back to Jared quickly and then pushed them through the doorway out into the tunnel. I realized with a start that this woman, Mel, had been the one who had been a host to the soul, Wanda. I wanted to question her, to see what it was really like to have your body taken over by a parasite, but I refrained – at least for now. Maybe when I knew her better I could ask her.

When Jeb turned back into the room he looked annoyed to the extreme. I finished up my meal quickly and then set off back to the washroom to finish washing everyone's clothes which was my task for the day. On the way I remembered my bed sheets and dove off down the other tunnel to grab them, I didn't want to give Jamie any more reason to hate me than the rest of the people here especially considering he was the only person my age.

Two hours later as I stopped to get a drink of water, Jared appeared. I tried to take no notice of him but when I realized he was headed straight for me I put down my water and just waited. He looked steeled for an argument, I mentally groaned.

"Emma, could you come with me for a minute?" His voice was deceptively calm, so I just nodded and followed after him to the ruined kitchen. Up close it was obvious he wasn't Jamie. There were fine lines around his eyes and mouth, I'd guess he was in his thirties.

"Now, I know you couldn't have known this was going to happen but… _look at it_." He said in exasperation, gesturing to the room as a whole. I did and I felt my face heat in embarrassment, the entire room was wrecked.

"I'm sorry." I said quietly, I didn't really know what to say to him, my embarrassment was making me cringingly shy.

He raised his eyebrows at me in an expression I didn't recognize. "You're sorry?" He said in disbelief. "We're in a bit of a situation - "

"I've already told Jeb I'd help fix it, and I will 'cause it's not fair leaving it like this." I interrupted quickly. I hoped this would placate him, I was wrong.

"That's not the problem exactly…" He gave me a calculating look like he was weighing me up and I steeled myself. "The destruction of the kitchen is _very _visible…" His mouth thinned into a sharp line, "we're worried about Seekers." I assumed that the 'we' was him and Mel. "We thought that maybe… maybe if they find you… they might leave the rest of us alone." His voice was suddenly cold and I realized why he'd given me that calculating look before; he was judging how long I might survive out in the desert.

My jaw dropped. He wanted me to go back into the desert to die, or to have a soul put in me! My heart skipped a beat then went into overdrive. "I can't – I can't go out there again!" I squeaked in panic. My memories of the desert were still so fresh in my mind that thinking of it made my skin burn with the imagined sun and caused my throat to dry out.

"I don't want to ask you this, really I don't, but if I don't then _all_ of us could be found." He was beginning to panic, I could tell. "I can't risk that, I can't lose Mel again." He sounded desperate and I couldn't come up with a good argument. What would it matter to them if I was taken? They barely knew me, had no personal attachment, and it would save their family and friends. I had just inadvertently talked myself into a death sentence.

"Okay." I whispered, resigned. "Can I at least take some water with me?"

My eyes watered as we walked to the washroom where he filled up a huge canteen with water from the stream, and put it in my hands, I tried in desperation to find a good excuse for staying as we walked but there wasn't one other than telling him this was the first place that had felt like home for years, but that sounded like a weak argument compared to him losing his family.

"I'm sorry." He said as he blindfolded me in the bright room, he did look genuinely upset by what he was doing and that was a small comfort to me. The last thing I saw before I was blindfolded were the people in the plaza looking at me, all of them sympathetic but they understood. I sobbed as he took hold of me by my forearm and led me across the plaza and into a cooler tunnel. The ground sloped up and down and I stumbled a few times on the uneven ground.

My mind was consumed with thoughts of the dry, hot, endless desert and I whimpered at the thought of the Seekers finding me. I didn't know what to do. Should I let myself die, offer myself up to the coyotes to spare myself being used as a host? It had seemed like a good thing a week ago, but then I'd been on the edge of death anyway; it was different considering it now that I knew there were people here. There was an awful weight pressing on my chest and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't swallow the lump in my throat. I felt crushing disappointment. I'd allowed myself to think I might be able to find a home with these people, some of them had even seemed to like me. I never even got to meet the elusive Jamie.

I could smell the change in the air, from musty and cool, to fresh yet unbearably hot, so much so that I felt myself gasping to draw in enough air. Then I heard a distinctive click, and Jared stopped abruptly. His sudden stop surprised me and my momentum pushed me forward as my foot fell into a hole in the ground. I heard a crack as my ankle twisted and I yelped in pain.

"Jared, where d'you think you're going?" It was Jeb, and I made the connection of the click I heard before. He was pointing a gun at Jared, the same gun he'd carried the first few days round the caves when he'd suspected I wasn't too keen on Sunny. He was pissed.

"She has to go Jeb; you know that better than all of us! If we let the Seekers have her they might leave this place alone."

"Look boy, I've told you this before, I'm not sending a kid out on her own to starve in the desert then be captured by them things, it just ain't right. Imagine if I decided to send Jamie out here –"

"I know, I know!" Jared's voice rose to a shout. "Can't you see how _hard_ this is? I just can't let anything happen to Mel again, I'm almost one-hundred percent sure another soul wouldn't be as understanding as Wanda."

"Look, any of us has a chance of being spotted when we go out on raids, would you send Jamie out here if they saw him? And anyway if the Seeker's got her and put one of their lot in her head they'll know we're here anyway."

I could hear Jared's hesitation as he tried to come up with another argument. "What if they fly overhead and see –"

"We'll deal with it."

I whimpered as I lay half curled on the ground. Their conversation deciding my fate coupled with the pain in my foot and the scorching sun beating down on me left me dazed and scared.

I heard Jared sigh in frustration, he must be torn between trying his best to protect the ones he loved and not wanting to throw a teenage girl into the desert to die.

"Look, thanks to Wanda we know how to resolve the problem with the Seekers; we just gotta capture them first."

"Fine, fine," Jared sounded resigned and relieved at the same time, "where's she going to stay Jeb? We haven't got much room."

"Well at the moment she's been sleeping in Jamie's room, but I'm guessing you wouldn't want her sharing with him." He said it as a statement rather than a question, and still I lay on the burning ground, blind to them.

"No! That would be inappropriate; can you imagine what Mel and Wanda would say?" I thought with embarrassment what Mel would think of me sharing a bed with her brother, nothing good I suspected.

"Which is what I assumed. I'll talk to Lily and Heidi, see what I can do."

I was picked up again and led back into the cool air of the caves. I tripped over the rough patches of the rock floor a couple of times and whimpered once again at the pain in my foot. I thought it might be broken. I felt an arm go around my back and my right arm was moved so it rested on Jeb's shoulders and he helped haul me along with my throbbing ankle. I heard a huff of defeat from Jared behind me and a disturbance in the air as he walked past us. His hand found my shoulder as he passed me "Sorry." he said, and he sounded sincere, like it would have been on his conscience if he'd actually left me out there.

The walk was grueling and felt longer now that my adrenaline rush had diminished. Once back in the main room my blindfold was removed. I squinted against the bright light and noticed people were looking at me in confusion. I looked down at my feet, hoping they would think the tears were from the bright light but I doubt I fooled anyone.

Jeb put his arm around my back once again and pushed me forward gently, this time leading me down the south tunnel towards the makeshift hospital. "Better get that ankle sorted." He said, his voice gruff.

The fifteen minute walk to the hospital was torture on my now swollen ankle and I hoped there was something that Doc could do. Once there I perched on a cot and Doc examined my ankle, prodding and poking, twisting and turning only stopping when I was hissing in pain.

"There might be a minor fracture, we can't tell for sure without an x-ray but that's out of the question. I'll bandage it and you're just going to have to keep your weight off of it as much as you can."

"Can you give her anything for the pain?" Jeb asked, we couldn't have people slacking off here or the system would stop working, it was clear to me that I'd have to keep up with everyone still.

"Yes, here." He picked up a bottle and fished out what looked like a piece of tissue paper. I recognized it from the night my back had gotten burned. Then I remember it was soul medicine and I raised my eyebrows at him.

"It's safe, over half the people here have had it for one reason or another, there are more accidents than you'd think." This didn't reassure me in the slightest but I accepted it nonetheless; there was no need for me to make a scene.

I placed the tissue paper thing on my tongue and was surprised by how quickly it dissolved, I swallowed and my pain was gone in an instant. I looked at them in surprise.

"It's lucky we have Wanda, or there would be a lot of ill people here." I still hadn't met her and there was no degree of trust between us, but I couldn't help soften towards her if she was stealing from her own kind to help all the humans here. Something remarkable considering I thought it was impossible for them to steal.

I stood up, uneasy on my bandaged foot. "Remember, even though the pain has gone it's still broken. Don't over exert yourself." Doc reminded me. I nodded at him. "While you're here, can I take a quick look at your back? I've never had to treat a burn that bad with soul medicine."

"Sure, I don't know what kind of state it's in, I haven't seen a mirror around."

"Lily and Heidi have one, you can ask to use theirs." Jeb had been silent while my ankle was being treated but chimed in again at this point.

"That's who I'll be staying with isn't it?"

"Yep." He said his tone clipped. He pursed his lips but I couldn't fathom what was annoying him now.

I raised the back of my vest top up to my neck while keeping the front securely fixed under my ribs, and waited for Doc's reaction of horror. There had been no pain and even the tingling had faded now, but I couldn't see how it could have healed in such a short space of time.

"It all looks fine, but I'm afraid you're going to be left with some scars." I'd already assumed this, that burn had been deep.

"What do you mean it's fine? It can't have healed already." I laughed.

He grinned sheepishly, "With this it can." He held up two bottles with Heal and Seal written on them, more Soul medicine. "I put some Smooth on you as well, but if the wound is very deep like yours was then it can't smooth it out completely, it's the same with the scars from the insertion. Those who go out on raids have scars put on them so that from the back they are disguised, particularly the men."

"But they aren't souls?" I checked.

"No, we only have two souls here, Sunny and Wanda, and three who have been successfully revived, Mel, Candy and Lacey." Jeb chimed in again, watching my eyes widen in surprise. It gave me some hope that if I ever found one of my friends I might be able to save them. However I thought of Lacey and her abrasive attitude and wondered whether she was always that way or if she was bearable before the invasion, I pitied Candy having to share a room with her.

As I processed this Jeb asked Doc what sort of work I might be able to do on my fractured ankle and I was put on bread duty in the rec-room, but when I eventually got there it was done; the bread was rising and they were waiting until it got dark so that they could bake it in the plaza, that way the smoke would be disguised against the night sky, so Jeb took me to Lily and Heidi's room where I would be staying from now on. The room was empty for the moment so I took my time to look around.

The room was only slightly bigger than Jamie's but with three people sharing it, it was soon going to feel a lot smaller. There were two mattresses pushed against the opposite walls and in the middle a sleeping bag for me; either the room was too small for another mattress or they didn't have another one to spare but I didn't mind. A pile of clothes was stacked on the far wall between the two beds and next to it a small dusty mirror rested against the wall. I walked over to it and tried to angle it so that I could see my back, I couldn't see much but what I could view from this angle made me gasp. My skin was slightly pink and an odd texture but that was it; no bleeding, no scabs, just slightly scarred skin.

Exhausted I climbed into my sleeping bag and stared up through a hole in the ceiling at the stars. The view wasn't as good as it was from Jamie's room, the holes were smaller and further apart meaning I had to close one eye to focus on them properly. It had been a long day, the return of the raiders along with the shock of having to go out into the desert, having my ankle broken and finding that my back had been miraculously healed by alien medicine had taken the energy out of me.

I rolled around onto my stomach, buried my head in my pillow and prayed that tomorrow would be less stressful.

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><p><em><strong>Please read and review it's always appreciated<strong>_


	6. Chapter 5: Met

**_All characters (except Emma Hhaze) belong to Stephenie Meyer_**

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><p>Chapter 5<p>

I felt like I had only been asleep five minutes when Lily was shaking my shoulders rousing me from my dreamless state. I shielded my eyes from the morning light pouring in through the cracks in the ceiling of our cave and looked up at her. Her face was gentle and kind but in her eyes I could see a heartfelt sadness, I could only guess that she had lost a lot of loved ones.

I followed her through the tunnels rubbing the sleep out of my eyes and stretching my back, feeling some of my joints click. I was beginning to develop a limp as Doc's medicine wore off, I hoped I saw him before I had to start working so that I could get some more. Was it possible to get addicted to soul medicine?

I left Lily in the plaza, telling her I'd see her in a minute, and limped off to the washroom as I hadn't bathed last night. Once again I was enveloped by a wall of steam but I was getting more used to it each time I entered and now only had to take a few deep breaths to get used to the humid air. Dodging the river and stream proved difficult with my newly damaged ankle as I couldn't spring over them as I had done before but I managed, eventually finding myself stood before the warm black pool in the floor.

I undid the bandage from my ankle and put it where it wouldn't get splashed and took off my clothes, dipping them in the water before scrubbing them with a bar of soap that was kept behind one of the smaller rocks. I left the clothes to dry slightly and lowered myself into the water with a sigh. The water did wonders for my aching body, soothing the increasing pain in my ankle.

I washed quickly and finger combed my wet hair, I'd forgotten my donated comb. I wrung my hair out and clambered into my wet clothes, wrapping the bandage tightly around my ankle again before slipping on my trainers. It didn't feel as secure as when Doc had done it but it would do.

I started on my way to the rec-room to grab breakfast and find out my task for the day, leaning on the wall of the tunnel to take some of the weight off of my ankle which was now causing pain to shoot up my leg.

Finally reaching my destination I peered around at the people sitting under the blue light spotting Doc eating his breakfast with Sharon at his side. I slowly made my way over to them all the while feeling peoples' eyes on my back. My incident with Jared hadn't gone unnoticed and word had spread.

"Good morning Doc, Sharon." I still wasn't sure about Sharon, she seemed really uptight most of the time.

"Good morning Emma, how's your ankle?" Doc asked, looking at my foot expectantly. Sharon just glared, so yep, uptight again.

"Uh, well, it hurts." I replied sheepishly.

He grinned and reached into his pocket pulling out a few more of those pieces of tissue paper. "I thought it might. Here," he placed them in my open palm, "they're called No Pain, take one now and it should last until tonight, and then take the other when it's worn off. I'll examine your ankle tomorrow there's not much I can do now I'm afraid, I'm meant to be irrigating the field."

"Ok thanks, I'll try to keep my weight off of it." I smiled and went to get myself breakfast, all the while feeling Sharon shooting daggers at my back.

"Good morning Jeb." He was sat next to the stack of boxes that contained out breakfast, almost guarding them.

"Morning, I see your still walking about then."

"Yeah, Doc gave me some more No Pain. What's in the boxes?"

"Breakfast!" He grinned like he'd won the lottery and showed me what he was hiding. It was a bottle of milk.

"Cereal?"

"Yep, and everyone's gotta have some before the milk goes off, so get eatin'. Most people treat it like a marathon; we have to get through all the perishables on the first day."

I felt my face light up, it had been a long time since I'd had the opportunity to stuff myself with food.

I grabbed a bowl, filled it with a mound of Cheerios and milk and dug in. I heard someone chuckle at my enthusiasm but I couldn't help myself, it had been years since I'd had them.

Behind me I heard an unfamiliar voice talking to Jeb; it was only half way through their conversation that I realized this was another person who had been on the raid. I looked up and met the gaze of a deeply tanned man with dark eyes and shaggy hair that fell to his chin, he had a boyish grin and I had a feeling he'd just witnessed me eating my breakfast as though I was half-starved.

"Emma, this is Jamie. Emma's been using your room while you were away, but don't worry kid, it's all in one piece still."

"That's alright I don't mind." He continued to look at me and under his scrutiny I felt self-conscious that I had forgotten to chop off my uneven, singed hair, and I was so glad I'd thought to have a bath before coming to eat breakfast.

I reassessed him in the knowledge that he was not a man, he was only sixteen same as me, but as I knew I preferred to be called a woman rather than a girl, man would have to do. The term boy just seemed too… childish for him; just the same as being called a girl made me feel disregarded because of my youth.

"Knew you wouldn't. Now eat your breakfast, you've got work to catch up on."

Jamie got himself a bowl of cereal and parked himself between me and Jeb resting his back against the wall. I moved over slightly and as I did so my ankle scraped against the rocks. I hissed in a breath through my teeth and dissolved one of the pieces of No Pain on my tongue. I don't know why I didn't do it before.

"What happened to your ankle?" Jamie gestured towards my foot with his spoon.

"Nothing." I replied, only a fraction too quickly.

Jeb took up my end of the conversation before I could stop him. "Jared got some crazy idea that chucking her out in the desert would stop the Seekers from investigating the hole she made." Jeb rolled his eyes as if this was the craziest thing he'd ever heard.

"I didn't mean to." I muttered shooting him a glare.

Jamie groaned, "He over reacts so much. I don't know how Mel deals with him! He almost drove me crazy when she wasn't around. Thank God for Wanda, hey." Again Wanda had come up in a conversation, the 'native' soul. I still had my reservations about her.

Maybe they sensed that I stiffened because Jeb changed the subject to what I could do today without putting pressure on my foot. I was assigned to laundry duty once again and I sighed at another day in the thick steam. "Suck it up kid." was the only consolation I was given.

I left everyone to their breakfasts and limped back to the washroom, at least all this steam would do my skin good.

I found the clothes in an untidy pile in the humid cave and sighed, it was lonely work with everyone else working the fields but I'd been dealing with loneliness for years so I could work through it. I worked hard to take my mind off the boredom and had it all done by lunch, so I picked up the wet bundle and made my way to the plaza to lay them out in the sun to dry.

Back in the rec room I met Jamie again getting his lunch. "Emma! Come and eat." I looked down at his hands; in one he had two sandwiches, and in the other another sandwich with a large bite taken out of it.

I raised my eyebrows at him, "Hungry, much?"

"It all has to be eaten on the first day and there's plenty for everyone. Here, have one." He passed me one of his uneaten sandwiches to save me from the crush of people around the food.

We sat down against the wall and ate our sandwiches in silence for a while. The sandwiches were soft while sliced bread stuffed with butter and cheese. Jamie managed to eat almost all of his two sandwiches before I was even half way through mine, and I couldn't help but laugh.

"What, I'm still growing!" I doubted that as he was already about six feet tall, but I let it go. "Does your ankle hurt still?" There was shame in his chocolate brown eyes.

"No, the No Pain works well and Doc gave me extra for later when it starts to wear off. What's with the look?"

"Just feel bad about what Jared did." He said under his breath, so that only I could hear, "He's always over reacting like this, did you know when Wanda and Mel turned up here he made them live in a hole in the cave wall until so he could figure out whether to kill them or not?"

I was staring out him and I realized my mouth was hanging open in shock, I snapped it shut. "Really?"

"Yeah, but that was before he knew that Wanda was no harm and Mel was still with her, he thought that Wanda had just used Mel's memories to lead Seekers here. It's all okay now though, they're friends and Mel and Wanda are like sisters." He said this as though that made up for how Jared had reacted, I didn't think so.

I looked away and ate the rest of my sandwich in silence. Jared seemed a bit nuts to me, nuts and coldhearted.

The noise in the cave grew louder and someone shouted a greeting. I saw Kyle heave himself up with Sunny attached to his arm and jog forward to meet someone. I glanced at the entrance to the cave and did a double take. Embracing Kyle in one of those man-hug-pat things was almost an exact duplicate of him, except he had a straighter nose; Kyle's must have been broken a few times. Next to Kyle's brother stood a girl, no wait, a woman; her small size was deceiving. She had small features, an angelic face and blonde hair that stood out in a halo around her, she was so small that she barely came up to the twins shoulder.

Jamie saw me watching them and supplied the information I was missing, "That's Ian, Kyle's brother, and Wanda."

"That's Wanda?" I said weakly.

"Yep, come on let's go say hi." I followed after him slowly, shoving the last few bites of my sandwich in my mouth as I got up. Why did she have to look like an angel? There was no way for me to hold a grudge against her now, she looked even more vulnerable than Sunny who was still clinging to Kyle as she gave Wanda an one armed hug.

"Wanda!" Jamie's face lit up and he ran the last few metres to greet her.

"Jamie!" She stepped forward and met him for a hug, dwarfed by his tall frame. Ian laughed at the enthusiastic greeting and wrapped his arms around her waist as she pulled away.

Jamie laughed and shrugged, ruffling Wanda's blonde hair.

I stood a little out of the circle feeling uncomfortable and an outsider, which I was. It was only when Ian spotted me and protectively moved Wanda behind him that I was remembered. "Oh, this is Emma, she only got here about a week ago." Kyle told them. "She made quite an entrance." I blushed again and looked down at my feet again, focusing on my bandaged ankle.

I saw Wanda step back around Ian towards me, and I looked up to meet her silver gaze. "Are you ok?" Her voice was high, but not shrill, on the contrary it was actually quite soothing.

"Um yeah I'm fine, Doc fixed me up." I felt self-conscious now everyone's attention was focused on me. My face continued to burn and I hid behind my hair.

I was saved by Jeb who came over to tell us what we could do to help. Now that the harvesting was finished and the fields irrigated again for the new crops, the kitchen could be fixed. Jamie and me would be making the mortar while the others cleared the rubble and started building the room back up again. Jeb seemed quite excited for some reason.

We made our way to kitchen, I was tired already; the heat really was taking it out of me today. I sat myself down in the plaza as Jeb and Jamie brought over the clay, sand and water. Jeb didn't know the exact mixture so we spent about an hour trying out different mixtures and letting them set in the sun. By the time we found the right mixture I had clay up to my arms and buried deep underneath my fingernails.

Jamie was called away to help with some of the heavy lifting, to help Jared and Ian lift the larger rocks back up to the edge of the ceiling while others were putting smaller, lighter rocks back up in the centre of the ceiling using the mortar we had made. I hope it stuck well and I wasn't going to be responsible for the ceiling falling on anybody.

The reason Jeb had been so excited became apparent when he showed up with a box of mirrors, he used them to reflect the light and make the kitchen bright again. He was still adjusting these when I went to fetch dinner as some didn't want to waste time eating when they could finish the ceiling.

I was glad dinner was steak and boiled potatoes as it meant I could use a knife and fork and not waste time going to wash the clay off my hands. I sat in the doorway of the kitchen now that most of the debris had been cleared, only a few smaller rocks remained on the floor now and I marveled at the work of the people around me. It was like they had completed a huge jigsaw.

I watched Jamie out of the corner of my eye as he removed his shirt, it may have been getting on for the evening but it was still hot enough to make you sweat. I thought I heard Jeb and Mel snigger at me and I dropped my gaze hastily back to my plate taking a sudden interest in my few remaining potatoes. I couldn't help looking, the last time I'd been around a boy my age had been four years ago and I was more interested in staying alive than what he looked like. He'd been taken too.

The oven and counter weren't finished but they'd done a lot in only half a day. At least now the ceiling was back up, I just hoped the Seekers hadn't noticed that it had fallen and been rebuilt and I felt a wave of panic at being caught in the caves and not knowing a way to escape.

"You alright, kid?" I didn't like the term kid but I knew Jeb didn't mean it in a condescending way.

"Yeah, yeah… but won't the Seekers notice that the floor has suddenly reappeared up there?"

"Ah see now your beginning to sound like Jared," he teased me, scratching his beard with a hand coated in purple dust. "We couldn't be without a permanent kitchen and we know how to deal with them."

I frowned at his response, it didn't sound very reassuring to me.

"Right everybody, leave it there for today we'll start again first thing tomorrow." Jeb raised his voice so that the twenty or so people in the room could hear him.

There was a collective groan of relief as people put down bowls of mine and Jamie's homemade mortar and the remaining rocks, and started towards the tunnel. I waited until they had gone then collected up the bowls. There was no point allowing the mortar to dry in them, it would just make the bowls unusable tomorrow. I noticed a few odd plates had been left behind as well and collected those up in my other hand.

"Let me take some of them." Jamie appeared at my shoulder, taking the stack of bowls I'd been carrying. Unfortunately he'd put his shirt back on again. _Stupid girl_, I scolded myself, _mind on the task at hand._

"Thanks." I said, flexing my fingers which were beginning to become unusable from the amount of clay coating them.

We wandered to the washroom in silence. I took my usual gasp of air as we entered but Jamie remained silent, he must have been so used to the steam by now that it didn't affect him. The pain was beginning to come back in my ankle but I ignored it for now.

He sat down gently next to the cooler stream as I arranged myself so that my leg would remain straight causing the least disturbance to my foot.

"Is it hurting again?" It was odd being able to hear his voice so clearly next to me but barely being able to see his outline, it was like being in a dream state.

"It's starting to, I'll take the No Pain Doc gave me in a bit. I don't want to have it too early in case it doesn't last the whole night." I explained.

He nodded. "What do you think of Wanda and Sunny?" His voice was tentative, I'd already guessed he cared about her a lot.

"Er… I dunno, really. They seem so nice but… don't they all? Don't worry though, I'm not about to start attacking people, they obviously mean a lot to everyone here."

"Yeah they do. Wanda saved my life once y'know, and she saved Kyle's life even after he tried to kill her in here, they floor fell away and she could have let him fall into the river but she didn't. This was when she was in Mel's body still, before she decided to try and give Mel her life back." So the 'incident' that Jeb had told me about had been Wanda and Kyle, I'd had no idea it was so recent.

I was stunned into silence for a minute. "Has anyone tried to hurt her recently?"

"No, I think she became part of the community because of the raids and after she gave Mel her life back everyone could see she wasn't a threat. Even Aunt Maggie and Sharon acknowledge her sometimes now. Also… well when we chose her a body – 'cause we couldn't just let her die – we chose one that would look small and weak to make people not want to hurt her." He said the last bit quickly and defensively as though he expected me to blow up in a rage, but I'd already heard a version of this from Doc.

"It works." I confirmed, "I couldn't hurt her even if I wanted to." And it was true, no matter what she did now it looked like I'd have to live with it.

I finished washing the few plates and stacked them next to me, debating whether to bathe now or in the morning. I supposed I better do it now so I didn't hold people up tomorrow.

"I'm gonna have a quick bath, do you mind finishing up here?" I wasn't worried about him seeing me naked; you could barely see three feet in front of you let alone into an adjoining room. I doubted my body would interest him much anyway; I didn't have much in the way of curves.

"Sure, that's fine."

I got up shakily trying to put most of my weight on my good leg and had to use his shoulder as support. I snagged a knife as I stood, it was time I chopped my uneven hair.

I limped my way over to the pool and undressed, placing the piece of No Pain on my unraveled bandage a good distance away from the water. I slid quickly into the pool with a small splash. I didn't think I could be seen from here, and I definitely couldn't see Jamie, but my heart thudded nonetheless. I worked quickly removing the clay from my hands and under my nails as best as I could, then I worked the knots out of my hair before picking up the knife and hacking at it furiously. It didn't cut as easily as I thought and I sliced into my left hand a few times. My hair now felt a bit less uneven, but it was a lot shorter than before and for a moment I despaired at the loss.

Remembering Jamie was sat out there and probably almost finished with the bowls I scrubbed my clothes quickly and heaved myself out of the water, donning them quickly and rewrapping the bandage on my foot. I kept the No Pain in my hand so it didn't dissolve in my pocket.

I could hear the movement of water in front of me and almost tripped over a raised part of the floor straight into the stream. Strong arms caught me from the side lifting me over the narrow body of water and onto solid ground.

"Thanks." I breathed. The stream wasn't as deep or fast moving as the river but I'd never learnt how to swim and I was pretty sure that it disappeared underground.

"No problem. You need to be more careful, I won't always be here to save you." He joked, but I could hear the warning in his voice.

His hold only lingered a moment more and then it was gone. I shivered at the loss of his heat. My clothes were wet and now that the night air was cooling down I felt goose bumps rise on my arms.

"Are you finished?" I could see him now that he was stood next to me and he was clutching bowls and plates in both hands.

"Yeah, come on."

I followed him closely out into the tunnel, hoping not to trip anymore. In the tunnel I ran my hand across the wall feeling the uneven rocks as my limp became more and more pronounced. I lost sight of Jamie for a minute but I knew where I was going so it didn't bother me. I found him again in the plaza, passing the plates and bowls to Kyle and Sunny.

We started walking towards the sleeping quarters, becoming increasingly slow as the pain in my ankle increase. I was about to give in and take the No Pain when Jamie put my arm around his neck and a hand on my waist to support me, the same way Jeb had supported me yesterday. His warmth was welcome and the side of me that was touching him became hot, but my goose bumps remained.

I thanked him again and he smiled down at me, "Just save the No Pain for as long as you can, you'll need your sleep; I think Jeb has even more work planned out for tomorrow."

I sighed in relief when we reached Lily and Heidi's room. He entered briefly and helped lower me down onto the sleeping bag, squeezing my hand as he left.

"Thanks Jamie." I called after him, truly grateful for the help.

"No problem." I heard him laugh from down the hall.

Heidi raised her eyebrows at me from behind a book she was reading and I rolled my eyes at her, shimmying out of my wet clothes and into some dry ones to sleep in. I finally allowed the No Pain to dissolve on my tongue. My body felt instantly better and I smiled getting into my sleeping bag.

I looked briefly up at the stars again squinting through one eye then the other to see from a different perspective. The day had had less drama than yesterday thankfully, and I felt that now I might be making some friends, I was certainly trying hard; I could have got off doing work because of my ankle but I didn't, and Jamie was nice, it was certainly a bonus to have some company from someone my own age.

My last thoughts were of working with Jamie again tomorrow before I drifted off to sleep, exhausted.

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><p><em><strong>Please read and review, I'm needing some feedback to improve my writing. <strong>_


	7. Chapter 6: Whispers

_**All characters (except Emma Hhaze) belong to Stephenie Meyer**_

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><p><strong>Chapter 6<strong>

The next morning the swelling in my ankle had decreased and I could move it a bit better. I felt like taking the bandage off but I thought I better wait for Doc's permission. I stumbled out of my room and made my way to the rec-room. There were less people around today; I think they were eager to get the kitchen finished so things could go back to normal. I still went crimson with shame when I thought of how it had been destroyed.

That's day's breakfast consisted of dry cereal and orange juice; it looked like the milk had either all been used yesterday or had gone off. I hoped someone had had extra helpings and used it; it would be a shame for it to have gone to waste.

Both Doc and Jamie weren't here and I had no idea what time it was, I think I might have gotten up later than usual so they were probably in the kitchen with the others. I finished eating and made my way once more into the pitch black tunnel. It was incredible how everyone had been burrowed away like ants from the Seekers gaze for all this time.

There were a few people irrigating the fields again today and they waved in acknowledgment as I passed through, I smiled back at them. It was nice to know I was slowly being forgiven for my accident.

In the kitchen I found Jamie with clay up to his elbows once again as he mixed the clay and sand with the water into a sticky paste. I sat in front of him on the other side of the Tupperware container he was working from, and then spotted Doc.

"Hey, Doc!"

"Hello Emma, do you want me to take a look at your ankle?" He was stood across the other side of the room arranging pieces of rock into a relatively flat counter top.

"Please, if you don't mind that is."

"Of course not." He strode over and crouched before me taking my ankle in his hands. "The swelling's lessened, that's a good sign. I think I was right before and it is just a fracture. How's the pain?"

"More bearable than yesterday." I gave my foot an experimental flex and it only twinged slightly.

"Good. If you think you can put up with the pain then I'll not give you any more No Pain, we only have a limited supply so I need to save it where I can."

"I can put up with it." I assured him. "Should I keep the bandage on it?"

"Yes, I want to keep it in place as best as we can, and try to keep your weight off it still."

"Okay, just thought I'd check."

"Okay then, if it starts to get unbearable again come and find me, or send Jamie I'm sure he won't mind." He grinned at Jamie and I stared at him confused, it must have been an inside joke.

Doc went back to work and I got stuck into the clay, enjoying the feel of squeezing it between my fingers, _this must be what kids are like with play dough_ I thought. I heard Jamie chuckle and looked up at him, laughing back when I saw he had clay streaked down his nose and across his forehead. He only made it worse by trying to rub it off. By lunch the counter was complete and work on the oven was stopped so that people could go and eat in the rec-room.

We rinsed our hands with the abandoned irrigation equipment and made our way to lunch. I let Jamie fight his way through the crowd to get our lunch again as my ankle was throbbing. I sat in the corner a little bit apart from the other groups against the wall as I waited, I still wasn't completely comfortable with the various groups of people but that was more because I didn't like large crowds. I was still sitting there waiting when I overheard parts of Sharon and Maggie's whispered conversation.

"…she's doing?"

"I know… just 'cause she helped rebuild the kitchen… one that destroyed it in the first place."

"…think she's going to be welcomed just like that?"

"…Jamie's just pitying her… shouldn't flatter herself."

"Stupid child."

I suddenly felt sick, they were whispering about _me_. My efforts in helping with the kitchen weren't helping at all; if anything they were giving people ammunition to criticize me with. It was apparent that no one actually gave a rat's arse and they were all humouring me, or in Jamie's case pitying me. My face went red as I felt a wave of embarrassment wash over me, what must I look like to everyone else?

Jamie had found his way through the crowds of people to where I was sitting and put a plate in front of me, pasta today and a chocolate bar. I'd lost my appetite and just picked at my food, my eyes stinging as my chest hurt ached with disappointment. The comment they'd made about Jamie stung more than it should but the worst remark was when Sharon had called me a stupid child. It was everything I'd tried to avoid over the years. I noticed Jamie was waving his fork by my face and I jumped.

"You alright? You were in your own world." His head was cocked to the side as he inspected my face.

I just nodded and pushed my plate towards him. "You finish it, I'm not hungry."

"What's wrong? Is it your ankle 'cause I really don't mind asking Doc for more No Pain." He asked, but I was already stood up and hobbling out of the room, I wasn't sure where I was going but these caves were big enough for me to wander around all day and not be found. Unfortunately my ankle wouldn't allow me to go very far so I just made my way back to my room. I didn't get into my sleeping bag, I just sat against the wall with my knees crunched up to my chest and watched the dust swirl in the sunlight falling through the cracks in the ceiling.

I wondered what Lily and Heidi really thought of me. Outwardly they seemed to not mind me sharing their room, but now I wondered what they really thought. From the sound of Sharon and Maggie's conversation it wasn't possible for them to tolerate me, and the feeling of paranoia came over me. I was now sure people were talking behind my back, maybe they were right now, maybe Jamie was in the middle of it laughing at how easily I thought I could develop a friendship with him. Panic rose up in my throat and my breathing hitched.

No wonder I hadn't had a proper conversation with anyone yet; people were always forced to talk to me when I started the conversation but other than that who had I really talked to? The only person who had started a conversation with me had been Jared when he'd been trying to throw me out into the desert. I wished now that Jeb hadn't stopped him, it might have all been over by now.

I didn't know how long I had been sat against the wall for but I could see the light starting to turn into an orange glow, and the swirling dust became harder to see. It just proved my point that I could spend a long time without anyone bothering to check on me, because I was that easily forgettable. It was hard for even me to believe I'd once had a large number of friends.

I had once been a sociable, friendly and fun girl who'd had a larger group of friends than most, and now that I'd lost myself I couldn't find a way back to the past me. All this time spent on my own had left me unable to connect with anyone. This past year I'd been harbouring resentment for the souls, for the fact that they'd taken away my loved ones, but the truth was if they hadn't I would have driven them away eventually. There seemed to be something fundamentally wrong with me. I could tell tonight I was going to have trouble sleeping again, the way I had before I'd stumbled across the caves and the only thing that had helped me last time was a deep burn and the treatment of soul medicine which stunned me, leaving no room in my mind for personal doubts.

Sometime later I heard the shuffle of footsteps beyond the flowered bed sheet that covered the hole which led out into the hallway. Whoever it was didn't enter but I sensed they were still there. I ignored them and fell back into myself, resting my forehead on my knees and closing my eyes, I wrapped my arms around my legs and hoped I wouldn't have to face Sharon and Maggie again for a few days. Whoever it was had probably been sent by Jeb to check that I wasn't trying to escape.

I don't know how long I sat like that, not thinking of anything in particular but reliving the worst moments of my life in my mind, but eventually I heard someone enter and sit next to me, I didn't open my eyes but I could tell it was Jamie; I could feel the heat from him and faint smell of spice that followed him around.

"What do you want Jamie?" My voice sounded hoarse as though I'd been crying. Maybe I had been, I couldn't find it in me to care anymore, who cared if it was weak; they already thought worse of me. I had to remind myself that he wasn't here because he actually cared. Maybe he was here to gather more information to mock me with.

He didn't answer my question. I felt him run his fingers through the ends of my now shoulder length hair. "You cut your hair."

"Well done Einstein," I said condescendingly "it was burnt." I turned my head away from him and opened my eyes. It was dark, I'd obviously sat here for a lot longer than I thought and missed dinner, not that I would have eaten it.

His fingers trailed down my neck and onto the skin exposed at the top of my vest top, "Is this from the burn?" His voice was soft as he traced my scars with his fingertips. I nodded, not trusting myself to speak as tears welled up in my eyes again, but my body shook with a suppressed sob giving me away. "Uncle Jeb seems to think Sharon and Aunt Maggie might have said something…" He trailed off, wanting me to explain. I was right about Jeb then.

"No matter what I do, I'm always going to be the one who put everyone in danger aren't I." I replied quietly, "they were right, I'm just stupid for thinking I might be able to change things. I've not been around anyone for years and now it feels like I've lost the ability to connect with people. Anyone I do talk to must be bored out of their mind." My voice was weak and I rubbed my eyes with my hand, they felt tired and dry from the tears.

His fingers stopped tracing my scars and he moved his arm around my shoulders. I gave in and curled into his side, resting my head on his shoulder. I had already humiliated myself by crying and trying to come up with an excuse for why I was so awful socially so why not embarrass myself further. I couldn't remember the last time anyone comforted me like this, it must have been before the invasion, before my parents came home and stopped fighting, their eyes ringed with silver. I let out a choked sob.

"You have to ignore them sometimes, they've always been a problem; they still barely acknowledge Wanda and Sunny even after everything Wanda has done for us."

"That still doesn't change what I did, people will never forgive me for what I've done."

"I did." He put his other arm around me and pulled me more securely into him.

"You might have, but what happens when the Seekers come Jamie? What happens when I put your family in danger?

"You won't. They came once before and then they gave up, only one hung around and we caught her in the end, you've met Lacey. Although…"

"What?" I raised my head to look at him properly, my eyes were blurry from the tears but I could see his face clearly, only inches away from mine.

He sighed as though he didn't want to tell me, but I waited until he gave in. "She killed someone."

"What?" I gasped in horror, "I didn't think it was possible for any soul, even a Seeker, to kill. Who was it?"

"This Seeker was… weird. She carried a gun and everything, but Wanda told us it was her first life and that the emotions might have overwhelmed her, as well as the fact Lacey was still present which could have driven anyone insane. She shot a man, Wes, he was Lily's partner."

"Oh… I'd assumed there was someone she was missing but I never knew…" This explained so much about Lily's quiet sadness. I still felt slightly hysterical and I could feel my heart beating hard against my ribs, "What if it happens again? What if I'm responsible for someone's death?"

"You won't be responsible for anyone's death because nothing's going to happen." He told me firmly. "We know now to get hold of anyone that hangs around too long."

I didn't reply I just rested my head back on his shoulder and closed my eyes again. With the arm that was around my back he trailed his hand up and down my arm, and the other hand came up to brush away the moisture under my eyes with his thumb. A warm feeling I didn't recognise bubbled up in my chest but I was too exhausted to question it.

I began to hear others walking down the hall and Jamie sighed, his warm breath tickling my cheek. He rested his cheek on top of my head for a moment, "I better go before Lily and Heidi turn up and give me a lecture about being in here." From my position I could feel as well as hear his words rumble through his chest. He gave me a quick squeeze before he got up. "I'll see you in the morning, don't let Sharon and Aunt Maggie upset you, they criticize everyone, they're so narrow minded."

"Thanks Jamie." I said quietly, loneliness was already starting to creep up on me again. He said something under his breath as he left but I didn't catch it.

I changed my clothes and was wriggling into my sleeping bag when I noticed the chocolate bar Jamie must have left on top of it for me. I still wasn't that hungry and chocolate wasn't the healthiest meal but I ate it anyway. I closed my eyes in surrender as it melted on my tongue. It had been so long since I'd had chocolate.

I tried to blank out my thoughts but I failed and ended up staring out at the stars once again, wishing for the view of the stars from Jamie's room. I wondered if he ever looked up at them too. I wanted to believe that Jamie had come here of his own accord but I couldn't be sure, that warm feeling lingered in my chest still however and although I wasn't sure what it meant, it was comforting.

Heidi came in followed by Lily a short while later and I pretended to be asleep; I wasn't ready to deal with them yet. My hair smelt faintly of Jamie and it lulled me into a slightly calmer state of mind.

A long while later after much tossing and turning, I eventually drifted off into a restless sleep, all the while hearing the whispers of those around me.

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><p><em><strong>Please read and review, I'm not sure if this chapter is good enough so let me know if there's anything you'd change.<strong>_


	8. Chapter 7: Work

_**All characters (except Emma Hhaze) belong to Stephenie Meyer**_

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 7<span>**

I didn't want to get up the next morning, and for a while I just lay there watching dust swirl in the bands of sunlight. It wasn't that I didn't want to help out, I did because it helped my state of mind as well as making my burden a little lighter, I just didn't want to come face to face with Sharon and Maggie and break down in front of them, I wouldn't give them that satisfaction.

I was still at war with myself when the bed cover was pulled back from the arch and someone was standing over me. I shielded my eyes from the sunlight and squinted up at the intruder, I could only see their silhouette but it was obviously Jamie with those broad shoulders and long hair.

I groaned and let my head flop back onto my pillow, covering my eyes with my arm, I wasn't ready to get up yet.

He laughed and held his hand out to me, "Come on you can't hide away forever."

"I could try though." I muttered but I put my hand in his anyway. He hauled me to my feet and I hissed in pain.

"You ok?" He caught me by the waist as I lost my balance.

"Yeah," I grimaced, "I just put my weight on the wrong foot that's all, I forgot."

"D'you need Doc?" He looked concerned.

"No, no, I'm fine it'll wear off."

He led me into the hallway still holding onto my hand and I was glad, I didn't want to face Sharon and Maggie on my own. We walked through the tunnels heading towards the plaza, me limping slightly behind him holding onto him to keep my balance. He stopped in the middle of the tunnel and wrapped an arm around my waist, putting my right arm over his shoulders again like he had two days ago. This time it was different though, in the pitch black tunnel I was very aware of his body against mine, the sound of his breathing and the heat radiating from him. It must just have been my other senses trying to compensate for the blindness of the tunnel.

"Thanks." I said and I blushed, I sounded a bit breathless. I hoped he thought that was because of the pain, and I was grateful he couldn't see my blush in the dark.

We continued to walk along in silence. My top shifted slightly and his hand ended up on the bare skin of my hip, my skin felt like it was on fire and I actually felt a little dizzy. I couldn't explain that away but I thought maybe he felt it too as I heard his breathing hitch and quicken. And then we were near the plaza, I could tell by the bright white light ahead of us and he was letting me go, putting his hand back in mine to lead me towards the kitchen.

"Is it finished?" I suddenly remembered that I was meant to help finish it yesterday and guilt struck me, so that was why it took him a while to come and find me.

"Yeah," he glanced over at me then added, "don't worry Uncle Jeb's not annoyed or anything, he knows the effect Aunt Maggie and Sharon can have."

I nodded and hoped that was true, I didn't want to be confronted I didn't think my nerves could take it.

Walking through the tunnel to the kitchen my sense of touch was heightened again and I couldn't take my mind off Jamie's hand in mine and his shoulder brushing against me. _Snap out of it_, I scolded myself. The pain in my foot had lessened and I wasn't limping as much now making me easier to pull along.

We came out in the finished kitchen which was packed with people. A few looked over at us with raised eyebrows and I tried to ignore them. Jamie pushed me towards the table where Ian, Wanda, Jared and Mel were sitting. I felt uncomfortable especially with Sharon and Maggie's comments in my head but sat on the end anyway. Jamie came and sat between me and Ian putting some coarse bread and a large glass of water in front of me.

"All the perishables have been eaten so we're back to normal now." He said apologetically.

"It's fine." I told him and ripped it apart with my fingers eating the crust first before eating the softer insides.

I noticed Wanda looking at me and I met her questioning gaze. "What happened to your hair?" She made it sound like a great loss.

I swallowed my mouthful of bread to answer but Jamie beat me to it. "She hacked it off with a knife, bits were burnt."

I looked at him frowning, "How did you know I used a knife?"

"I, er, saw it in your hand. You cut yourself you need to be more careful." I turned my hand over and looked at the slice marks, they were pretty obvious. I hoped that was true and he hadn't actually seen me bathing, I felt my cheeks heat.

"You should put some Heal on it, it'll be gone in an instant." Wanda said

I shook my head at her, "No it's fine, they're not deep they'll heal fine on their own. I know you only have limited amounts."

"At least let me sort your hair out." She was frowning at me and the expression on that angelic face was heart-breaking.

"Ok, thanks." I gave in and picked at my bread as she walked over to the counter and picked up a pair of scissors.

I stiffened as she stood behind me, I kept thinking of how they inserted souls into the backs of peoples' necks but everyone else here was still human and they were all watching me closely so I forced myself to relax. She started to snip at my hair evening it out and I continued to pick at my bread feeling Mel's gaze on me. She was protective of Wanda and I suppose if I had shared a body with someone I'd be protective of them too. I kept my eyes down until she had finished and then I felt it cautiously. It was now almost chin length it was so short and I sighed, I'm sure it was stuck up at odd angles as well and I cringed at what it must look like.

"Here, take this." Wanda put a tablet down on the table in front of me. "It's called Health, it provides some of the nutrients and stuff that we miss out on here."

"Oh, right. Thanks" I smiled at her shyly, I appreciated her help but I couldn't help be a bit hesitant as I swallowed it.

"We could use some help on the east fields today if you're up to it." Mel was saying to me, still watching me closely.

I nodded at her but I wasn't sure how much I could do without straining my ankle, I didn't want to complain however so I said nothing. I didn't need people to start thinking like Sharon and Maggie so I'd work on my fractured ankle if I had to. I finished my breakfast, gulping down my water as I stood and I followed Mel, Jared, Wanda and Ian out of the room with Jamie following behind me.

I stayed silent as the others chattered happily on the way to the east fields. I felt uncomfortable and an outsider of their happy conversation, it was just a reminder that I had no family. Maybe Jamie sensed my tension as in the dark of the tunnel he caught my hand in his and ran his thumb over the back of it. I shivered at his touch and squeezed back, he was closer than I thought and I felt his breath on the back of my neck, I could imagine his boyish grin as he looked down at me. He let go again once we were back in the plaza and I missed the comfort he'd provided.

Once in the east fields they all started working and I waited for something to do while watching Jamie work. He was wielding a pickaxe and was breaking up the sun dried earth ready for the new crops. I was so engrossed watching him that I didn't notice Mel sneak up on me. I didn't realised she was there until she nudged me, a grin plastering her face.

"If you can take your eyes off my little brother I might have a job for you." She joked and I blushed once again. I hadn't realized I been staring at him so hard, at least I knew my circulation was good.

I followed her over to the irrigation equipment and she showed me how to work it. My job was to follow Ian and Jared who were further breaking up the earth behind Jamie and soak it so that Wanda and Mel could plant the cabbages. We worked like that for about an hour then I had to stop to get a drink of water, seeing the water feed into the soil had made my throat parched.

There was a jug of water someone had left for us a while ago and I filled up a cup from it sipping slowly. Jamie walked over to me shirtless, his lightly muscled chest glistening with sweat and I had to control my breathing, what was wrong with me lately? I was sure Mel and Wanda were watching me closely so I _tried_ to keep my eyes on his face. I failed. A lot. I heard them giggle at my expense and I shot them a glare which just made them laugh harder. I tried to keep a straight face, laughter was contagious.

"Hey, how's the ankle holding up?" He asked filling a cup with water and leaning against the wall. He wiped an arm across his forehead sweeping his hair back from his face.

I forced myself to look into his eyes rather than at his chest and I noticed for the first time the flecks of green and gold in his dark eyes. "Um..," I'd forgotten what he'd asked and blushed.

"Your ankle?" He reminded me laughingly, raising his eyebrows and grinning at me.

"Oh, yeah, it's fine it's getting better."

"Good." He smiled, "maybe you'll be up for a game of Soccer soon then."

"No," I groaned. I was terrible at sports. "You don't want to see me do any kind of sport it'll be a catastrophe, I'm always hit in the face by something…"

He laughed, his face lighting up and I noticed with his hair pushed back his straight eyebrows, angular cheekbones and strong jaw. My breathing decided to play up again and I forced my face not to betray me.

"Well I suppose we don't want you breaking anything else." He joked, "maybe you can help keep score with Wanda." He looked so hopeful that I didn't have the heart to tell him I barely understood the game. I agreed.

"Come on you two, less talking more working!" Jeb was calling to us from across the field, but he didn't look too annoyed on the contrary he looked quite pleased. I still didn't understand that man.

We put down our cups and went back to work. Mel was still laughing at me and I blushed, it seemed to be a permanent fixture now. At least she wasn't angry that I had an unhealthy fascination with her brother's chest.

The next few hours passed slowly and I wondered if the day would ever end. I kept going over yesterday in my head, reliving the comments made and then analysing everything everyone had said to me. I even ended up analysing Jamie's words but I couldn't see why he would bother hurting me when he was the one that always seemed to cheer me up. I knew it was futile and I was just making myself anxious but there was nothing to distract me from my thoughts, the work was too easy. Eventually I saw Jamie put down the pickaxe and knew I didn't have much longer to go which was a relief.

I finished and stood on my toes stretching my arms over my head and feeling my joints pop, it was a relaxing feeling and I felt some of my tension being released. I watched as Jared put his arm around Mel and walk out with her, then as Ian threw Wanda over his shoulder and ran from the room, Wanda squealing with laughter and I smiled, she really was almost like a human.

"You ready to go?" Jamie was stood next to me, his shirt back on but his hair still swept back, it was nice being able to see his face properly.

"Yeah, I seriously need a bath though." We started walking through the dark tunnel towards the plaza. My stomach rumbled, "We missed lunch." I mused.

"And dinner, that can happen when you're working the fields but it's gotta get done. How about I grab us some bread while you have a bath?"

"Sounds good."

We made it to the plaza and split off in opposite directions. I hurried down the tunnel hoping I wouldn't have to queue for a bath. There was one person in front of me waiting, _just my luck_ I thought to myself. By the time that person had entered the bathing room Jamie had appeared with the bread. 'Some' bread to him was three rolls each and I rolled my eyes at him, but thanked him and ate two. I left my third one for him as I couldn't manage it and he seemed to always be hungry.

When it was my turn I looked at Jamie with a warning glance, remembering this morning when he'd known that I'd used a knife to cut my hair, I wasn't so sure this steam covered everything I thought it would. He held up his hand in a mock surrender but grinned slightly. I tried not to feel too nervous as I walked through the arch in the wall but this time I made sure I kept my back to him and slid in the water quickly before he could see anything he shouldn't. Jamie may have been sweet but he was still a teenage boy and I was the only girl his age around here. I wondered sometimes if that was the only reason he paid so much attention to me.

Scrubbing myself quickly I wondered if he was waiting for me or if he'd left to get more food, he'd devoured those rolls like he hadn't eaten for weeks. I held my breath and dunked myself under the water shaking my hair to free the sweat and mud. I surfaced with a gasp and ran my fingers through it, untangling the knots and removing clods of dirt. I missed its long length, I couldn't wait until it grew back.

I didn't bother washing my clothes, I was in a hurry and I had some others to sleep in tonight, so I pulled myself out of the water and dressed in a quickly, realising too late that I should have turned away from the arch. I felt a sting of mortification.

I made my way back over to where I'd left Jamie, successfully dodging the river and stream. When I saw him I groaned, his face was a little too innocent and casual and at the sound of me he cracked a small smile. Well I'd be getting him back now anyway.

"Your turn." I said innocently. That sobered him quickly, his smile was replaced with a frown but he didn't complain as that would be admitting that he saw me. I didn't really want to look, I felt a bit embarrassed at encroaching his privacy so I turned away and looked towards the tunnel despite my earlier threat.

I heard him making his way back to me and I turned towards him, he looked a bit embarrassed. "Oh, don't look so embarrassed, I didn't watch you."

He grinned at me sheepishly, "I didn't watch you either," he laughed, "I was only messing but the look on your face was priceless."

I gasped and elbowed him gently in the ribs, "Sly git." I muttered under my breath. He just laughed at me and squeezed my shoulder lightly turning me towards the tunnel.

We walked through the tunnel side by side mostly alone; most people were in bed by now. He took hold of my hand again and I studied the feel of his calloused fingers with mine, hardened with the physical work he had to do in the caves as was his chest, then I directed myself away from that thought before I started blushing again. After a few minutes we came out into the deserted plaza which was lit with reflected light from the moon. I looked up at the mirrors and smiled at all the stars reflected in them. It was an amazing sight; the stars always looked so bright in the desert away from the light pollution of the city.

"You like the stars?" He whispered. There was no real reason to whisper other than that the room looked so peaceful and surreal.

"Yeah, they're pretty." I said lamely.

"There's a nice view through my ceiling, is it the same in your room?"

"It's not quite as good as from your room but yeah, I can see them."

"I would say you could come and have a look from my room anytime you'd like but it sounds a bit cheesy doesn't it." He laughed.

"Just a bit." I whispered back, smiling at him.

I recognised the feeling from yesterday as it came back to me, warming me from my chest to my stomach. I didn't know a name for it but I liked it and I moved closer to Jamie as we moved into the pitch black of the next tunnel. He took his hand away from mine but slid it around my waist instead. I'd never met someone like Jamie before, someone that had comforted me the way he did and been in such close proximity to me for no reason but to hold me close, but I liked it.

The tunnel ended and we were stood in the hallway where the individual rooms split off. Outside Lily and Heidi's arch we stopped.

"I'll see you to tomorrow, yeah?" He spoke quietly as we didn't want to wake anyone. In the dark his features were hidden in shadow but his eyes were bright.

"Yeah." I replied and he smiled.

"Night Emma," He drew me into a hug and I relished the heat wrapping my arms around his neck as he put his on my back pulling me closer to him.

"Night Jamie." I whispered back. My mouth was close to his ear and I thought that maybe he shivered.

He let me go and I watched as he turned down the hall, head bent and shoulders slumped slightly, and I wondered if I'd upset him somehow.

I pulled back the flowered bed sheet and walked into my room. From what I could tell Lily and Heidi were asleep so I changed quickly and zipped myself into the sleeping bag. It was slightly chilly in the room albeit the body heat of three people and I missed Jamie's warmth. I sighed and realized I missed him; it was lonely without his presence. I closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep quickly so that I could see him sooner.

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><p><em><strong>Please read and review! And if anyone's wondering - I imagine Jamie to look a bit like Synyster Gates from A7X but younger and without the tattoos.<strong>_


	9. Chapter 8: Dilemma

_**All characters (except Emma Hhaze) belong to Stephenie Meyer**_

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><p><strong>Chapter 8<strong>

I woke the next day feeling excited for the first time in what seemed like years, maybe it was. I stood being careful of which foot I put my weight on this time and got changed quickly, I was just pulling my top on when the bed sheet was pulled away. I gasped and turned so that my back was facing the open archway and I heard a rustle as the sheet was put hastily back in place. I shoved on my trainers and exited the room. Jamie was leant against the wall and looking a bit red in the face, _serves him right_ I thought, but I smiled at him slightly.

"Sorry, sorry I should have asked before I came in." He held up his hands in admission and I couldn't keep a straight face.

"Yeah, probably best to do that next time." I laughed, my embarrassment faded as we talked but he still looked a bit red. "Don't worry about it, I doubt you saw much anyway."

"True, you turned around pretty quickly." He gave me a shy grin and took my hand again, pulling me towards the tunnel.

"Yeah, that and the fact I haven't got a lot to show." I muttered. My lack of chest was an embarrassment sometimes.

As we neared the plaza I began to hear shouting, it sounded like a mass argument. Jamie sped up gripping my hand tighter and I jogged to keep up with him. We exited the tunnel into the bright light and I squinted against the intensity of it on my eyes. The shouting halted for a second then picked up with renewed vigour as they took us in.

I barely had time to take in the crowd of people before Sharon was flying at me. "This is _your_ fault!" My eyes widened in shock and I was frozen in place until Jamie stepped in front of me hiding me from view. Sharon hissed at him but turned away.

"What's happened?" I said to him over his shoulder, I had to talk into his ear to make myself heard over the commotion, I don't think he minded.

"I don't know." He turned his head slightly towards me and I could see the worry in his eyes. He put his arm behind him gripping me in place against his back and I put my hands on his shoulders to reassure him, I wasn't about to move away.

"_Quiet!"_ Jeb shouted over the crowd, he had his gun back in his hands, an ominous sight.

"Uncle Jeb, what's going on?"

Jeb rubbed a hand down his face looking older and tired. "Seekers." He said and I flinched, my nails digging into Jamie's shoulders. Jamie just pressed the small of my back more firmly against him with the arm looped behind him. I was shaking and I was sure he could tell.

"So what are we gonna do?"

"Jared, Ian, Kyle, Aaron and Brandt are gonna go out and try to grab it, actually it might help if you went too, we could use all the help we can get."

I gasped at the thought of Jamie going out there but whatever Jeb said I knew Jamie would follow. "Ok, I'll help." Jamie told him.

"Knew you would, you're a good kid." Jeb looked pleased but also worried which didn't sooth my nerves.

"Ok, everyone, listen up! Some of our men are gonna go sort this out so get back to work and stop complaining. Get those fields sorted before everythin's ruined."

Some grumbled at hearing this but did as they were told anyway, a few remained either to talk to Jeb or to work on the field. Jamie released me from his grip and turned around. I could feel my heart thudding and tears welling up in my eyes, I didn't want him to go, what if he got captured? Or killed like Wes had been?

"It'll be ok." He said softly.

"How do you know?" My breath was coming in pants as I fought to keep myself from crying. "How do you know they won't take you? Or kill you? You told me what happened to Wes."

"I won't, we're more careful now, and you can bet they won't let me do anything anyway, Mel would kill Jared if he did." He was trying to make a joke of it but I could see the fear in his eyes.

I grabbed his shoulders and hugged him fiercely burying my head in his neck. He wrapped his arms around my back and hugged me just as hard.

"Come on Jamie." Jared was calling him from a tunnel I didn't think I'd been down before, or maybe I had when I was blindfolded and it led to the exit.

I let him go and pushed him towards Jared gently. "Don't get hurt." I whispered to him.

"I'll be ok, I promise." And then he was walking out of the cave and I wondered if I'd ever see him again.

Mel and Wanda walked over to me, both wearing the same expressions of worry except Mel was hiding it better. I was sure the same expression was reflected on my face which was possibly why Mel was looking at me sadly.

"Come on we can…do the laundry." Mel seemed to be struggling for something to take her mind off it, as was I, so I agreed.

We went into every room picking up piles of clothes and usually I would have enjoyed the chance to look around peoples rooms, to have a snoop and see how they'd decorated it to make it theirs. But all I could think of was Jamie. What was he doing? Had they found the Seeker? Did this one have a gun too? I gasped as pain welled up in my chest from imagining Jamie shot, bleeding, dying. I had to bite my lip from letting out a sob and I swiped the back of my hand across my eyes.

Mel gave me a one armed hug, "They'll be ok, they know what they're doing."

"Even Jamie?" I said weakly.

"Jared will take care of him I know he will." But even she looked worried. Wanda just stayed silent, her face lined with worry and I knew I wouldn't doubt her love for Ian again. She was suffering just as much as Mel and me. But wait… did that mean that Jamie meant… more? It did I realized, and my chest ached even more at the thought of him being hurt. I felt pain from the worry but I also felt the warm feeling from a few days ago, it was something I only felt for him, as was the fire when he touched my skin.

We finished collecting the clothes and walked through the tunnels in dead silence eventually ending up in the washroom. I picked up the soap and began scrubbing the clothes then depositing them in piles of women's' and men's' clothing, everything here was shared so people would just pick out whatever fitted.

"Hey Wanda," Mel said, I could just about see her outline to the right of me. "do you remember when we used to have to use the soap Jeb made?"

"Yeah," she sounded choked up like she had been crying, she probably had been. "it used to burn your hands really bad." I supposed this was when they were sharing Mel's body.

"Yeah, it did… thank God you can get us the nice stuff now."

"Why did it burn?" I wasn't that interested but I needed a distraction. Mel explained to me how it had been made from cacti and had been acidic.

"It stung your skin but kept you clean." Wanda added.

Eventually we had finished the washing, it hadn't taken as long as I'd wished but between three of us we'd dragged it out. We were laying them out in the plaza when we heard a commotion from the tunnel to the right of us.

Mel and Wanda looked up and then ran to the tunnel together, their minds almost in sync. I realized this was the tunnel that the men had left from and in an instant the clothes were abandoned and I was sprinting towards the tunnel as well. I saw Jared and Ian appear sweeping Mel and Wanda off their feet and then then Aaron and Brandt carrying someone between them, but I took no notice of them. I was about to go into complete freak out mode when Jamie rounded the corner.

"Jamie!" I threw myself at him squeezing him as tightly as possible. I heard him gasp as I crushed the air out of his lungs but then he was hugging me back and burying his face in my hair. I realised I was crying and I drew back to scrub my eyes with my hand again.

I looked down and noticed blood on his shoulder. "Jamie," I gasped and looked up at his face which I now saw had lines of pain around his eyes, "What happened?"

"She had a knife, but it's okay Doc will fix it."

"Come on." I wanted it healed sooner rather than later.

I took hold of the hand on this uninjured arm and led him towards the south tunnel passing Mel and Jared on the way, she wasn't laughing this time rather she looked a little sad at seeing me with him. I didn't stop to consider this, I just wanted Jamie better.

I didn't say much on the way to the hospital, I was stuck between being relieved he was alive and being worried about his arm, and now that I knew my feelings for him were more than I thought… well I was at war with myself with what to do. Half way down the tunnel though Jamie tugged me to a stop.

"Hey what's wrong?" I couldn't see him but his hand was still in mine so I turned to face him.

"I was worried." I whispered to him. He stepped forward and pulled me into his body. "Your arm, you're gonna hurt it."

"Doesn't matter, it'll be healed soon." That was true enough so I rested my head on his chest and fisted my hands in his shirt. "I didn't realize you cared that much."

"Of course I care." I was still whispering. "More than you think." I added under my breath. He squeezed me tighter and rested his forehead on top of mine. I loved the close contact and raised my head to rest it in the crook of his neck, breathing in his spicy scent.

He sighed and traced his fingers up my spine, and then took hold of my hand again, "Come on then let's get my arm sorted out then go eat. I'm starving."

"You're always starving," I laughed, "but I am too, I couldn't eat before…"

"Don't worry about me, I'm stronger than I look." He already looked pretty strong to me. He swung his good arm across my shoulders as we walked and I slipped my arm around his back giving his side a squeeze. I heard him chuckle and I could imagine him looking down at me with a grin in the dark.

We walked into the hospital as Doc was putting a metal box with a red light on onto his desk.

"Jamie! What happened to your arm?" Jamie perched on the edge of the nearest cot and pulled off his shirt, this time however I wasn't focused on his chest, I was focused on the gaping wound in his shoulder, it was deeper than I had thought.

"Our friend had a knife." He put simply and I took hold of his hand again as Doc worked.

He gave Jamie a piece of No Pain and I watched his face visibly relax, the pained lines around his eyes disappearing. Then he sprayed something on the wound, the bottle read 'Clean'. He went to work with the Heal and Seal and I watched closely, wanting to know how he had healed my back, he poured the Heal into the wound then squeezed it closed spreading on some Seal. He brought out a final bottle called Smooth which was a powder that made the line of his knife wound fainter, and then he was finished. It was the quickest medical procedure I'd ever seen.

"Alright Jamie, all done." He smiled at our joined hands but I didn't blush this time. It felt normal to me now and I just wanted to help Jamie.

We were about to leave when I spied the Seeker's host and stopped dead. "Jamie…" I said quietly, tugging on his arm.

"She's human again, right Doc?"

"Yes, I just finished removing the soul a minute or two before you arrived."

"You don't have to worry about her now, she's not going to hurt anyone." Jamie assured me gripping my arms gently, obviously thinking that I was going to attack the girl, but that wasn't it.

"No Jamie that isn't it." I pulled myself away from his restraining touch and walked over to the cot, looking down at the girl with long brown hair, full lips and a straight nose, my gaze locked on her eyelids which I knew hid blue-grey eyes, the same as mine. "That's my sister."

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><p><em><strong>Please read and review, I love getting feedback<strong>_


	10. Chapter 9: Pained

_**All characters (except Emma Hhaze) belong to Stephenie Meyer**_

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><p><strong>Chapter 9<strong>

I turned around to meet their stunned gazes. Jamie snapped out of it almost immediately coming forward to intertwine his fingers with mine. "You've got to talk to her. Say her name, remind her of things that will get her back, right Doc?"

"Yeah, yeah that usually works." He still looked slightly surprised but he came to stand next to me. "What's her name?"

"Serah." I told him.

"Okay, just talk to her and hopefully she'll recover soon but… I have to tell you not everyone wakes up."

I nodded, I knew this already as that was the reason Sunny was here, but if Serah didn't wake up there'd be no way we'd put this soul back in.

Jamie went to get food and I sat with Serah stroking back her hair and speaking to her softly.

"Serah. Serah wake up for me. Please." I was aware I sounded quite desperate and I hoped she could hear me.

"Do you remember that time mom went out and we snuck into our parent's room? Dad was busy downstairs so we tried on all of her clothes and shoes, and it was your great idea to put on all her makeup then try to give me a 'makeover'." I laughed, tears pricking my eyes at the memory of my lost family.

"Mom came home and she was so angry, we were bright orange and had smothered ourselves in lipstick and eye shadow. She was especially mad at you for putting it on me, I was only six, but we thought we looked amazing. There was even a picture of us dad put in the photo album. Do you remember Serah? Do you remember the picture?"

She remained motionless and I felt tears sting my eyes, I just wanted her to wake up and hug me like she did before she had a soul inserted in her. After that she treated me with fear until I ran away from my family of strangers.

"Here." Jamie's voice was soft as he passed me a tray with my lunch on.

"Thanks." I gave him a watery smile and tucked into my rice and carrots. There would be no more meat until they went on another raid but I noticed that there was another one of Wanda's tablets on my tray. We ate in silence but I kept flicking him glances catching him looking at me a few times and he looked away embarrassed at being caught.

"I have to go help on the fields but I'll be back later, I'll bring you dinner."

"Thanks Jamie." I watched him go sadly, missing his support.

I watched him leave and then I turned back to Serah, reminding her of the many ways we'd annoyed our parents as well as each other. I talked about our past and the present, Doc wasn't here so I told her about Jamie, and I talked about what the future would be like in the caves when she woke up, how she might hit it off with one of the men here. She was three years older than me so there wouldn't be a massive age difference with a few of them.

The hours passed quickly and before I knew it Jamie was back with dinner. I ate without really tasting, my desperation to wake Serah taking over my mind.

"Any luck?" Jamie had finished his dinner and was reclining on the cot I was sitting on.

I shook my head and tried to shake my hair in front of my face to hide my tears but it didn't work with chin length hair. He sat up and put an arm around my shoulders pulling me to him. I thought that maybe he kissed the top of my head but I wasn't sure.

"I just wish she'd wake up." I choked out.

"I hope she does, too." He didn't have to speak loud as I was pressed against him so our conversation was private. "I don't like to see you cry."

"Sorry." I said wiping my eyes and pulling away. I didn't mean to upset him I just couldn't help it.

"No, no I didn't mean it like that I just mean I want you to be happy." He tugged me back to him from where I sat rigidly on the edge of the cot. "It's almost dark, you gonna go to your room or stay here?"

"I'm gonna stay here." I didn't want to leave her in case she woke up.

"Ok, I can stay too if you want." He offered.

I considered it quickly, "Yes please," I kept my eyes down and quickly added, "if you don't mind that is. I understand if you'd rather be in your own bed."

He smiled at me and took my hand, "Of course I don't mind."

The cots were only made for one person so I lay on the one next to Serah and he lay on the next one closest to me. He fell asleep pretty quickly, I guess today had taken it out of him, so I watched him for a while.

He looked so peaceful and his face took on a younger quality when he was sleeping. I continued to watch him as sleep evaded me and smiled to myself later on in the night as he fell into a deeper slumber and stretched out, his arms and legs falling off the edges of the cot. I smiled at his soft snores and finally my eyes began to close, I was lulled to sleep by the sound of his breathing.

I woke in the morning to the feeling of my hair being swept back from my face and the smell of fresh bread. I opened my eyes blearily and looked up into Jamie's face, he was looking a bit worried.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I just wasn't sure whether to wake you, I should have let you sleep longer, you have circles under your eyes." He sat on the edge of my cot.

"It's fine. I can't sleep long anyway I have to wake her up." I looked over at Serah who was in exactly the same position as yesterday and sighed, I felt helpless. "Do you think she'll wake up?" I asked tentatively.

"It depends on how old she was when the soul was inserted and if she was aware of the invasion. People who are aware are usually more resistant, like Mel was."

"She was twelve… thirteen when I ran away, and I don't think she knew anything." I sighed and sat up putting my head in my hands once again. "Doesn't look good does it."

"Just keep trying that's all you can do." He said evasively, and handed me a bread roll and a box of orange juice.

I ate and drank absorbed in my thoughts, I was trying to think of other memories that might wake her but I couldn't pull up anything significant.

Jamie stayed sat next to me on the cot beside Serah's staying silent but running his fingers up and down my spine in a soothing motion, and when it would become too much he'd let me hide in his arms until I'd got myself back together. At lunch Wanda came to fetch him to help clean the mirrors in the plaza, offering me a small sad smile as she took in my sister.

I tried waking Serah again until Jamie came back with dinner a few hours later but I'd run out of things to say and she hadn't moved, there was no movement at all not even a twitch of an eyelid.

Jamie ate quickly but I left my tray abandoned at the end of the cot. Sitting against the wall with my knees pulling up to my chest. Jamie put his tray underneath mine then squeezed himself in next to me at the top of the cot.

"Emma…" Doc was standing at the foot of her bed. "She hasn't woken and… I know this is hard, but I need a decision. I need to know what you want me to do."

"What do you think is best?" I sobbed.

"At this stage… I think it's kinder to her body to overdose her with morphine than for her to suffer. It won't be long until she's starving." I knew he was right, I could already see her face was sunken, no one knew when she had last eaten.

I nodded in consent then sobbed harder. I couldn't believe this was real, I couldn't believe I'd just given him consent to kill my sister, but I didn't want her to suffer anymore.

Doc nodded and went over to his desk to get to morphine and I used that moment to get up and whisper my goodbyes in her ear. I kissed her gently on the forehead and picked up her hand.

I flinched as Doc started injecting the morphine into her and sobbed louder and louder until the room was filled with my cries. Jamie stood behind me with his hands on my waist trying to offer me some comfort. Eventually Doc finished injecting the morphine into her. I rambled over and over to her how sorry I was and I was already regretting not trying another day, but ten minutes later Doc announced her death and that was it. I'd lost my one last chance at gaining a part of my family back.

I let go of her hand and fell to my knees with a smack, I cradled my face in my hands and cried until I felt sick. I felt Jamie's arms go under my knees and back and then he was picking me up and carrying me out of the room away from my sister's body. I was crying more quietly now and by the time we got back to the sleeping quarters I was sobbing silently.

He carried me into Lily and Heidi's room and laid me in the sleeping bag, zipping it up securely.

"What happened?" I heard Lily's concern for me in her voice.

"Her sister was unresponsive… Doc had no choice." Jamie sighed, it sounded like he regretted the decision too.

I wailed in despair at the finality of it. Jamie stroked back the hair from my face but then had to leave me alone with Lily and Heidi.

I spent half an hour curled up on the floor in my sleeping bag before I heard Lily's quiet crying join mine. This must have been bringing up some painful memories for her too.

I couldn't stand the pain, it was like there was a hole in my chest and a poison in my stomach, everything hurt. All I could think about was my childhood with Serah before this whole thing had started. I felt like a murderer and I kept praying for her forgiveness. I hoped that wherever she was she understood why I had done it.

My chest felt tight and bile rose in my throat. I felt enclosed, claustrophobic, like a caged animal and I kicked my way out of my sleeping bag frantically, panicking when my feet got tangled in it. I dove out of the room and ran down the hall. I didn't know where to go and I stopped before I reached the tunnel. There was only one place I _could_ go.

I rushed back up the hallway and ripped the bed sheet to the side as I ran into Jamie's room, gasping for breath and choking back my tears.

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><p><strong><em>Please read and review :)<em>**


	11. Chapter 10: Comforted

_**All characters (except Emma Hhaze) belong to Stephenie Meyer**_

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><p><strong>Chapter 10<strong>

"Jamie!" I cried out his name as I stumbled into the dark room. He looked up from where he was laid in bed, book in hand which he put down on the floor next to him.

I stood in the archway and let the bed sheet fall back behind me. The room was only lit now by the light of the moon shining through the cracks in the ceiling but I saw him sit up and open his arms towards me and I stumbled forward again, crumbling into his embrace with renewed tears.

"Shh, it's okay I've got you." He was whispering into my ear and his warmth seeped into me, I hadn't realised how cold I had been before. He pulled me down so that I was lying on the bed cradled against his body and pulled the sheets up around us.

I laid with my head in the crook of his shoulder and shook with my tears. I felt terrible for coming to him, not because I didn't need him but because I was going to make him as miserable as me. I didn't want to burden him but I couldn't cope with the grief on my own.

He didn't say anything else he just stroked my hair back from face and kneaded my back gently sensing that no words were needed and they weren't, there was nothing he could say to change what had happened and hearing him say he was sorry would just have made things worse.

At some point during the night my sobs became silent shaking and he fell asleep. I wasn't annoyed with him I was just annoyed with myself for keeping him awake, it wasn't fair on him. His arms fell away from me as he stretched out and I noticed for the first time he slept shirtless. The feel of his skin again cheek was comforting and I wrapped my arms around him pulling myself against his body. I stilled as I heard him mutter something unintelligible but he was still sleeping soundly.

There was still an ache in my chest that wouldn't go away no matter how much I cried but now that my tears had all dried out I was exhausted. I closed my eyes and listened to Jamie's gentle breathing and positioned my head over his heart to listen to its slow beat. I pulled the sheet a bit further up my neck until it was under my chin and savoured the heat and the smell of him surrounding me.

There was a pain just under my ribs that was making me feel sick, and I'm sure if I had wanted to I could have vomited easily, but I doubted that would make me feel any better. I turned my head to look out at the stars and wondered if Serah was looking down on me from somewhere. The thought caused that sickening pain in my chest to constrict around my heart and a wave of nausea to wash over me, but I managed to keep myself from being sick.

It could have been minutes or hours later that I became so exhausted that my body finally gave way to a restless sleep, consumed with nightmares where Serah was standing in front of me, always just out of reach. I kept trying to reach her but she kept moving away, looking at me with hateful eyes.

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><p>I was pulled out of my fitful sleep suddenly as I heard someone shouting, groggily I opened my eyes and was momentarily disoriented. I expected to feel my constricting sleeping bag but instead I was lying on a mattress.<p>

I went to sit up and look around and realized I was half lying on Jamie, that's when I noticed Mel standing in the archway staring at us with a horrified expression on her face.

"What are you _doing_?" She screeched at us.

"Mel it isn't like that." Jamie was propping himself up on his elbows and trying to clear his head by shaking it.

"What's it like then Jamie? 'Cause it looks pretty bad to me." I couldn't work out what she meant and I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand. My head pounded from the crying and the lack of sleep and I'm sure my eyes must be black.

I suddenly connected the dots and went crimson as I realised what it must have looked like to Mel. "No, Mel we didn't… do that." I felt my cheeks heat further as I tried to explain, I was still so exhausted I couldn't seem to string a coherent sentence together meaning my sentences were just stutters.

She raised her eyebrows at me angrily then noticed the bruises under my eyes and frowned. "What happened?" I flinched at the memory of last night and felt the tears building up again. I didn't want to cry, my eyes were so sore I felt like they might be tears of blood.

"That Seeker, her sister, she was unresponsive." Jamie explained for me sitting up properly and putting a reassuring hand on my back. "She only came here 'cause she was upset." He said it grudgingly and I wanted to tell him I wanted to be here anyway, but I couldn't do that with Mel standing in front of us.

"Oh… I didn't know, sorry." She was still looking slightly disturbed at seeing me sleeping in the same bed as Jamie though. "I'll tell Jeb what happened and you two can take today off, but no funny business!" By funny business I guess she meant what she thought me and Jamie had been doing last night, and I wished that had been the reason I was here rather than the reality of the situation.

Mel left and Jamie collapsed back onto the mattress covering his face with his hands. I felt bad for upsetting him, I hadn't meant to. I knew I'd end up making him miserable in one way or another.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

"What for?" He said his voice muffled behind his hands, but I didn't answer instead I just curled up on my side away from him and stared blankly at the wall. I felt him move and wrap an arm around my side pulling me closer so that my back was against his stomach, "Don't be sorry for anything, you've done nothing wrong, and you can stay here as long as you need, okay?"

I nodded numbly and felt a few tears slide down my cheek, my eyes burning in pain. I sniffed and wiped them away, perhaps cutting my swollen eyelids. Adding to my grief was the guilt that I'd brought Jamie into this, that I was ruining things for him too.

Behind me I heard Jamie's stomach growl, "Sorry." He said, embarrassed.

"Go get something to eat Jamie." My voice was raspy and low, almost gone.

"No, I won't leave you, Mel will probably bring something." I hoped that was true, I didn't want him to suffer.

I closed my eyes and wished that sleep would take me, take me and never give me back. I kept closing my eyes with exhaustion only to open them again when I saw Serah behind my eyelids, haunting me. The sickness was boiling inside me, moving from my chest down into my stomach, and up into my brain making my head pound. My mouth was almost as dry as it had been in the desert but I couldn't find it in me to care any longer. This is what a murderer deserved, pain and suffering.

Jamie started to stroke the scars at the top of my back and I felt guilt wash over me. I didn't deserve the comfort. I tried to turn over to tell him this but I couldn't find the strength, maybe he sensed what I was feeling though as he tightened his hold on me and rested his forehead against the nape on my neck.

Everything was going black around me and I didn't realise until it was too late that my eyes had closed and I couldn't open them again. I fell into another nightmare, a vague, hazy nightmare of my parents and Serah all trying to find me and infect me, culminating in me killing her again…

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><p>When I woke it was almost dark and Jamie was nowhere to be seen. I wasn't angry at him, I hadn't expected him to stay the whole time anyway, it had to be boring watching a depressed girl sleep.<p>

At the end of my bed I saw a tray with two rolls of bread and a glass of water on it which I assumed was for me. I didn't feel hungry, I actually felt quite nauseated by the thought of food, but after seeing Serah starve I knew better than to turn it down. It would just seem disrespectful if I didn't eat anything.

I managed half a roll before my stomach protested and I gagged but managed to hold it down, washing it down with my water. As I finished the bed sheet was pulled back and Jamie came in, clothes and hair damp.

Seeing me he smiled sadly and looked ashamed of himself. "Sorry, I was trying to get back before you woke up."

"It's ok." My voice was still raspy and low but a little stronger this time, he looked pleased.

"Er, sorry but I have to change I didn't take clean clothes with me and these are wet." I nodded in understanding and got up to leave. "You don't have to leave just… turn around." I did as he said and when he was finished he walked over to me and folded me in his embrace, "You want to stay here again?" I nodded against his bare chest and breathed in his scent which calmed me slightly. He stroked a hand through my hair and led me over to the mattress, tucking me in like he had done last night so that I was laid almost across his chest.

My crying stage was over and the next stage of my process had obviously begun and I couldn't help but feel exhausted still even though I'd slept all day.

I heard him Jamie sigh and rest his chin on top of my head, his even breaths whispering across my face and neck. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

I blinked up at him, "I don't want to bore you…" _or make you more upset_, I added in my mind.

"You won't, I want to know what you're feeling." He squeezed me gently and I wrapped my arms around him again like I had done last night.

"Ok." Then I stopped, "I don't know how to explain…"

"Just start at the beginning."

I tried to think when the beginning was. "The beginning…" I moved my face up so I could rest in the crook of his neck, "I guess the beginning was when you went out with the others looking for her, I was so _worried, _I didn't want you to get hurt and when you came back, I was so relieved – until I saw your shoulder." I felt the familiar panic and worry wash over me and I blinked back tears.

"Then after you were healed and I saw Serah I thought that… well I thought I'd gotten part of my family back. I _knew_ that she might not wake up but I didn't really think about it, I just convinced myself she would and I started telling her what things would be like when she woke up, how she'd get on with everyone here 'cause she was always so much better with people than I am, then… she _didn't_ wake up. And I don't know how to deal with it. I feel like someone's punched a hole through my chest and I don't know how to fill it back in.

"And I'm sorry I came here I tried to deal with it on my own but I needed you." I sobbed and he pulled the covers up higher, cocooning me against the hard planes of his body. "I hate that I've upset you by coming here and I've disturbed your privacy I really shouldn't be so selfish but I felt so alone and then Lily started crying too and I could cope with it all."

I felt a fresh wave of despair but it was lighter than before, sharing my pain had helped me but I was worried what it had done to Jamie. I rose above and looked down at him, the expression in his eyes startled me; it was so tender I felt a tug on my heart. He pulled me back down and I wrapped my arms around his neck resting my head on his chest.

His fingers travelled the length of my back kneading the tense muscles and I sighed in relief. "I didn't know you cared that much about me going out there." He whispered softly to me, "I mean I know you were scared but I thought that was 'cause you were worried about being found." I shook my head against his chest, closing my eyes at his touch.

"I was scared you weren't gonna come back, that you were gonna get killed." My voice wobbled.

"But I wasn't and I'm here aren't I, so you can stop worrying about me."

"Never." I whispered quietly.

He stopped kneading my back and wrapped his arms tightly around me, I could barely breathe but I couldn't find it in me to care. He was right, he was safe and he was here, that was what mattered.

"I'm sorry about your sister."

"It's ok, Doc did the right thing, I didn't want her to suffer."

"But now your suffering."

"I'll get through eventually." The pain was still there but at that moment I felt so at peace. The caves were quiet, I was warm pressed against Jamie, and if I turned my head slightly I could see that fantastic view of the stars through his ceiling.

He began tracing circles on the small of my back and I sighed pressing myself closer. I felt him smile into my hair and I was glad that I hadn't made him completely unhappy.

"Try and sleep." He whispered near my ear.

I didn't really want to but if it would put him at peace I would. I was scared that there would be more nightmares, more images of Serah behind my eyelids, but when I closed my eyes it was just darkness and I breathed a sigh of relief. I wrapped my left leg over his right to be closer to him and let my mind drift.

This time when I fell as asleep it wasn't to be greeted with nightmares, just darkness and I wondered if this was because of the exhaustion or because of Jamie. I thought it might be Jamie.

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><p>I woke in the morning feeling a great deal more rested. I'd rolled over away from Jamie in my sleep so I turned to see if he was still sleeping. I was greeted by him propped up on a shoulder staring down at me with a smile on his face.<p>

"You slept better today." He said to me, sweeping a few strands of hair off my face gently.

"Yeah I did." I gave him a small smile, "Have you been watching me?"

"Only a little." But he went a bit red suggesting it was more than 'a little'. I didn't mind it was actually quite reassuring, almost protective. "You hungry?" I knew he was trying to change the subject but that was ok, I didn't want him to start feeling uncomfortable around me.

"Yeah… a bit anyway, I feel a bit sick actually."

"That could be from lack of food though couldn't it." He suggested and I nodded to keep him happy.

He stood up and held out a hand to me. I took it and stood with shaky legs, I hadn't really moved for almost two days and it was showing.

As we walked I slowly regained my balance only tripping a couple of times now, but I had to stop in the tunnel on the way to the plaza to flex my ankle.

"You ok?" Jamie asked out of the dark.

"Yeah, my ankles just a little stiff but it's getting better."

I let out a squeal of surprise as I was lifted off my feet, swept up into his arms. "Could have warned me." I breathed, he just laughed.

"That was more fun though."

I smiled slightly and rested my head on his shoulder, the pain was slowly fading but still left me guilty for feeling any happiness. Once in the plaza he set me down again, no one was around yet it was only just sunrise.

"I need to use the washroom." I told him.

"Come on then." He took my hand once again and we walked into the wall of steam. I dodged the river and stream and used the second pool to relieve myself before going back into the other to scrub the sweat of the last few days off.

I made my way back to Jamie who was waiting near the tunnel for me and we went to the kitchen to eat. Some of the others were up now and milling about before going to get their breakfasts.

We ate quickly and I wasn't sure what I was meant to be doing, I didn't want to go back to bed and let everyone else deal with my work, but I didn't feel up to a lot today. Eventually Jeb told me I could help on the fields again and I nodded. It was the same work as before, just following the others irrigating the fields, but this time there was something in the air, the caves were quieter than usual and I wasn't sure if everyone felt odd around me or if I was just imagining it.

The day passed quickly and I went to wash again before heading to bed. Although my work was easy I still built up a sweat under the sun. I walked to the sleeping quarters on my own, Jamie having gone to get something to eat then wash and I hesitated in the hallway. I didn't want to go back to Lily and Heidi's room and be without Jamie, but I didn't want to outstay my welcome with him. I decided to go to Jamie's room and ask him when he came back.

The bed looked too big without him stretched out on it. My clothes were wet so I rummaged through a pile of his clothes in the corner finding a clean t-shirt and throwing it on quickly before he walked in on me dressing – again. I felt quite bare wearing only his shirt as it came down only to my thighs but it was better than wearing wet clothes to bed.

I sat on the edge of the mattress and started looking through the pile of books he'd collected. Sci-fi's, romances, thrillers as well as non-fiction. I picked up a book about astronomy and started flicking through it, not reading it but looking at the pictures, it wasn't quite dark enough to see the real stars through the ceiling yet.

I looked up when the bed sheet moved and saw him stand in the archway for a second before moving towards me.

"Um… do you mind if I stay here?" I kept my gaze down not wanting to see his face if he said no.

"Of course you can." I looked up in surprise and couldn't help but grin when I saw his eager face.

"Sorry about the shirt I didn't have anything else." I tried to pull it lower on my legs but it kept riding back up.

He just grinned wider, "I like it." I blushed as he glanced at my legs and fidgeted slightly.

He pulled off his shirt and threw it into the corner and I stared a little again, shutting the book and putting it back on the pile.

I lay back on the bed and he slid himself in next to me pulling the sheets over us and wrapping an arm around my shoulders. We must have lay like that for quite a while as the stars came out eventually. Jamie seemed to be away in his own world so I curled myself around his side and waited for him to snap out of it. Sometime later his hands came up to trace over the scars on my back and I felt my face heat as the shirt I was wearing came up high enough for him to put his hands on the bare skin at the small of my back.

He started telling me of other planets and aliens that the souls had taken over. I felt like I should be horrified by the knowledge that they'd done this to so many planets, but like Jamie I felt wonder at how many things existed out there that we'd never even guessed at.

"Which one is your favourite?" I asked him.

"Probably the bears." I nodded in understanding, the ice cities they made sounded amazing.

"But even after all those planets Wanda chose earth, why is that?" I was curious, I mean I could see the good things about earth but emotions were so strong that even some souls resorted to violence sometime, the Seekers did anyway, and I traced the faint scar on Jamie's shoulder with my fingertips.

"It's the first place she's ever made any friends, 'cause the souls are all so similar you can go from planet to planet and not really miss anyone, but here she did make friends with humans and then there's Ian. I don't think she'll have another host after Ian."

"So it's the first place she's ever felt love?"

"Pretty much." We sat in silence again for a few minutes looking through the cracks in the ceiling. "Do you wanna play a game?" He asked.

I tilted my head to look at his face, "A game?"

"Yeah, well kinda. I'll tell you something about myself and you tell me something about yourself."

"Ok," I nodded, "you first." I turned so that I was stretched out on my front along the side of him.

He grinned and thought for a moment. "My name's actually James Stryder."

I smiled against his chest, "It suits you."

"Well that's lucky, it's my name." He joked, "Your turn."

I rolled my eyes even though he couldn't see in the dim light. "My full name's Emma Annabelle Hhaze."

"It's pretty, suits you."

"Well that's lucky 'cause it's my name." I repeated his earlier comment and he chuckled lightly.

"I really miss my old home sometimes." He spoke quietly as though it was something he was embarrassed by.

"So do I, and the people in it." My eyes watered again and I rubbed them quickly.

"I've never had a girlfriend." I could almost feel his gaze burning a hole in the top of my head as he waited for my response.

"Neither have I." I replied then added, "A boyfriend I mean."

"Oh ok, but you've had a girlfriend then?" He teased.

"No." I tutted at him. "You know what I mean."

He sighed in mock disappointment. "Shame." And laughed when I swatted his arm gently. He hesitated before speaking again and I looked up at him. "I'm really glad you found us here."

"So am I, and not just 'cause I would have died out there." I hoped he understood what I meant, I think he did as he let out a breath I hadn't realized he was holding.

"Do you feel any better?" He ran his hands up and down the curve of my waist, not realizing he was making me feel a little dizzy.

"Yeah I do actually. Thank you." I gathered my courage and planted a kiss under his jaw bone, the highest point I could reach from my position.

He inhaled sharply and squeezed my waist, "My pleasure." His voice was slightly higher than usual and I smiled against him again.

We were quiet after that and a while later I felt Jamie's hold on me loosen then disappear as he fell deeply asleep and stretched out across the bed. Now I knew why he had a double bed, when he was sleeping he easily took up all of it with his long limbs.

I listened to his heart as I had done before and fell asleep quicker now. I wasn't over the loss of my sister but my warm feeling was back melting some of the ice inside of me.

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><p><em><strong>Please read and review<strong>_


	12. Chapter 11: Fire

_**All characters (except Emma Hhaze) belong to Stephenie Meyer.**_

_**I've decided to bring a little more maturity to the characters in preparation for the coming chapters. Tell me what you think!**_

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><p><strong>Chapter 11<strong>

I woke in the morning to Jamie stroking through my hair and down my neck and back. I'd turned away from him in my sleep and now he was propped behind me looking down at me with a small smile on his face. I rolled over to face him and he let me use his arm as a pillow.

"Morning." He said quietly, it wasn't quite light yet.

"Morning." I replied through a yawn.

I looked up at him to where he was hovering above me, as always being caring, I couldn't help but feel I was taking advantage of his hospitality. "I'm sorry." I smiled sadly at him.

"For what?" He asked, worry settling over his features. He lowered himself onto his side.

"For dragging you into everything with Serah, for making you look after me," I turned to my side so I was facing him, "for making you think I only came here because I was upset."

Jamie looked at me intently, his eyes wide. "What do you mean?"

I blushed and looked down at my hands clasped between our bodies. I'd never done this before, never had to tell someone how much they meant to me, because before it had always been the same. Everyone I had known I'd just made friendships with to stay alive. I wanted more than a friendship with Jamie.

"Emma…" He reached down and prised apart my clasped hands holding them in his. I glanced up shyly, my thudding heart making me flustered. He moved my hands up to his neck and wrapped his arms around my waist engulfing me in his warm embrace.

I raised my head to meet his gaze and saw that his eyes were half-mast and his breathing quicker than usual. He slid his nose along mine and I closed my eyes as he brushed his lips against the corner of my mouth. I thought my heart was going to burst out of my chest but it stayed locked firmly behind my ribs. I tilted my head slightly and pressed my lips a little more firmly against his. I could feel his heart beating against his chest too and knew he felt the same sensation, like there was a flock of birds beating their wings where my heart should be.

I melted into him as he pressed another soft kiss against my lips and my warm 'Jamie feeling' was back mixing with my grief and making it a little easier to bear. He pulled back looking a bit flushed and I gave him a small shy smile.

He breathed a sigh of relief and a small grin appeared on his face. "I was worried you might punch me."

"Why?" I frowned.

"I didn't want you to think I was trying to take advantage of you, 'cause, you know, you're upset."

I shook my head at him, "You weren't. And I've been wanting to come here for a while, I've missed you." I admitted quietly. "If anything I've taken advantage of _your_ good nature."

He grinned and hugged me tightly burying his head in my neck, "If that's you taking advantage of me you can do it as much as you like."

I smiled and my warm feeling felt like it was moving, _butterflies_ I mused.

His stomach grumble again and I laughed properly for the first time in days. He sighed, "Way to ruin the moment." he scolded himself but perked up when he saw me smiling. "You hungry?"

"A bit, I think I could manage some bread maybe."

He lifted me onto my feet and hesitated before bending down and placing a soft kiss against my lips. My heart thudded and my breath hitched, my arms raised automatically to wrap around his neck and what I'm sure was meant to be a fleeting kiss ended up being a series of long ones. I couldn't help it my body reacted automatically, fire burning in my veins, and from the way that he gripped my back I think he felt it too.

I pulled away feeling breathless and rested my forehead against his for a second. I picked up my clothes from yesterday and he waited out in the hall while I changed out of his shirt which he then put on. We couldn't walk around half dressed all day. We walked into the darkness of the tunnel and like yesterday he picked me up, even though there was absolutely no reason for it, but I quite enjoyed the protectiveness of the gesture.

We made our way to the washroom first, as I'd already bathed last night I waited for him and forced myself not to try and look through the steam at him. Once he was done I used the smaller pool behind to relieve myself then followed him out of the cave, my hand found his automatically and he looked quite proud of himself, I tried not to smile.

Breakfast was quiet, just us and two others who kept to themselves, but as we finished others started to come in, first Wanda and Ian, then Mel and Jared. Wanda gave me a small smile and asked how I was, whereas Mel looked at me suspiciously. I just rolled my eyes at her as I chewed my roll and saw her mouth twitch into a smirk.

We worked on the fields again that day, this time however there was no earth to be broken up so we were all just watering and tending, it was relaxing work but again I noticed the strange silence hanging in the air.

I had always been terrible with plants and seemed to kill everything I touched, so I followed Jamie as he worked, watching him as he tended the cabbages with tender fingers… and also watching his back muscles work a little too keenly, I'm sure Mel noticed again as she kept shooting me glances. I earned a small smile from her when I shot a pointed look at Jared, to remind her of how she watched him sometimes, compared to the way she looked at him this was pure innocence.

The day finished and I waited for Jamie to put away the tools, his shirt was off once again and I had to admit I liked it. I enjoyed watching his muscles rippled as he moved, as well as remembering the comfort those arms could provide. I was so caught up in watching his chest and arms that I didn't realise he was looking straight at me. I met his gaze and noticed he was looking rather smug and I looked away a bit embarrassed, but to his credit he didn't tease me about it.

We walked through the tunnel and plaza hand in hand, heading for the washroom once more.

"Um…" He sounded a little hesitant as we walked into the empty cave, we always gave it time to empty out before heading here, "could we just, y'know, bathe together?" He said, going red and adding quickly, "It didn't sound that bad in my head honest. We keep our clothes on. I just thought it'd be quicker." He cleared his throat awkwardly. "Don't worry, forget it."

I tried not to grin too hard at his discomfort, I knew exactly what he meant but he was right, it sounded weird out-loud.

I pulled him toward the bathing room by the hand, "Don't worry I know what you meant." Maybe he could hear my smile in my voice because he breathed a sigh of relief.

We dodged the river and stream together and made our way into the enclosed space. He removed his shirt once again and his trousers too, I blushed even though I could only see his outline and I was sure he was wearing underwear. I swiftly pulled off my vest top and cut-off jeans and lowered myself in next to him.

I dunked my head under the water then reached around the nearby rock to find the soap. The soap smelt faintly of lavender, not my favourite scent but seeing as my favourite scent was Jamie this would have to do. I cleaned myself quickly then scrubbed through my hair, very aware that Jamie was watching me, stood so close that I would only have to move slightly to be pressed against him. I passed the soap to him feeling a jolt as our fingers met. I rinsed my hair through as he washed and accidentally brushed against his chest, I marvelled in the way it felt like silk when his skin was wet, and my heart missed a beat.

"You done?" I shivered at his low voice so close to me through the steam.

"Yeah." I waited for him to get out then he held his hand out to me and helped pull me out of the water. The night air felt cool on my skin and I dressed hurriedly to hide myself from him.

I thought that maybe I heard him sigh as he pulled on his own clothes, I couldn't work out why though. Had I upset him by dressing too quickly? It seemed a little odd but possibly.

He decided to lift me over the stream and river and I let him, I sensed it made him feel reassured that I was ok. Through the tunnel and the decreasing steam we walked, and once I was able to I looked up into his face, his head was bent and his long wet hair mussed around his head in a halo. I took his hand but he didn't look up, lost in thought. Finally he seemed to snap out of it as he rubbed a hand down his face and moved his hair out of his eyes.

"You ok?" His eyes snapped to mine at my question and I felt like I was being sucked in, those eyes were so dark it looked like you could fall into them.

"Yeah, of course." He smiled and asked, "Are you?" He teased obviously noticing the way I couldn't seem to take my eyes off of him.

"Yeah." I breathed. I couldn't stop studying his face, from his strong eyes and angular cheekbones to his straight nose and strong jaw, he really was younger than he looked, he could have been years older if it wasn't from the boyishness when he grinned at me.

I managed to rip my gaze away from him as we entered the plaza and slowed, allowing me a glimpse of all the stars reflected in the mirrors there. We didn't stay, just passed through on our way to bed.

Once in the tunnel on our way to the sleeping quarters I asked him the question that had been bugging me all day, "Why has everyone been so quiet lately?"

I felt his hand twitch as though he was tensing for a fight. "Sharon and Aunt Maggie… they left yesterday morning."

I stopped abruptly, dragging him to a halt with the hand I was still holding. "What do you mean they _left?_" I couldn't see him but I turned in his general direction by the hand I was holding.

He sighed, "It's the culmination of Mel, Wanda, Sunny and… your sister. They felt threatened, so they've moved on to another settlement."

"There are more settlements?" It was a shock to think that all these years I'd been on my own when others had been together in their little communities.

"Yeah there are a couple, most of them don't have souls so not many Seekers come looking…"

I felt terrible, essentially I had played a part in their reason for leaving. "This is my fault isn't it." I whispered to him, not a question a statement.

"No, no of course it's not." He moved closer to me and I rested a hand on his chest.

"But it was my fault that Serah came, that the Seeker came looking." My voice was rising with anger at myself, with shame and panic for what I had inadvertently made them do. I heard him huff as if he knew that I'd blame myself. "It's me that pushed them over the edge –"

I was stopped mid-sentence by Jamie crushing his mouth to mine. "You need to stop worrying about others," He almost growled at me, "this wasn't your fault."

I felt a bit breathless as his lips met mine once again and he was gently pressing me against the wall of the tunnel, the darkness causing tremors to pulse through me every time his hands changed positions from gripping my waist to roving my back. I couldn't quite work out what was happening, a distraction technique obviously but what from I couldn't remember.

This was a different side of Jamie that I'd never seen before, this was… James, I realised. The side of him that was only mine, an older side of him, the stark opposite of the name 'Jamie' that was an endearment from his family.

My hands came up to tangle in his damp hair and I angled myself so I pressed myself more firmly against the hard lines of his body, I was rewarded by a quiet groan and then he broke his lips away from mine and picked me up, he almost threw me over his shoulder as he ran the rest of the way through the tunnel and into his room.

I was dropped onto the mattress, bouncing slightly, while he pulled the bed sheet back in place. Then he was next to me on the bed, hands around my waist and lips crashing against mine once again. I sucked in a breath of his spicy scent and felt myself become dizzy, I knew now that this wasn't aftershave, it was just _him_, and I loved it.

His tongue swiped against my lips and I opened them eagerly, I felt like I was going to burst out of my skin as our tongues battled for dominance, twisting and pushing at each other. My hands fisted in his shirt, his hair, on his back. He spread his hands across my back, my stomach, one on my rib cage and the other in my hair. I arched my back towards him and his weight was half crushing me but I couldn't care less, if anything I pulled him closer, wrapping a leg over one of his to stop him pulling away.

I worked a hand under his shirt to feel the skin of his stomach and felt the muscles there quiver, heard him moan quietly against my mouth. I smiled slightly, I had no idea what I doing but whatever it was, it was having a good effect. He broke away for a second to rip his shirt over his head and I let my eyes flicker open. It was an amazing sight, James towering above me, looking at _me_ like that. I was suddenly glad I hadn't had time to form any relationships with the few guys I'd known over the years, everything here was new and that's how I wanted it, new with _my James_.

I pulled him back down and dragged my hands across his chest, searching the muscles with my finger tips and then across his back, scratching him slightly as he bit my bottom lip, whether by accident or on purpose I didn't know but I liked it. He groaned at my response and pressed his body against mine, I could feel him against my right thigh and it sent shivers up my spine.

"James…" I breathed as he kissed along my jaw and down the column of my neck, he stopped at my collar bone and then looked up at me. He looked conflicted. "What's wrong?" I was almost panting and he gave me a small, smug grin, but then he was rolling off of me and onto his side.

"We can't." He said to me sadly.

I looked at him, confused, "What do you – oh…" I realised what he meant, I hadn't even known that that was what this might lead to, but now I could see I wouldn't, _couldn't_, have denied him, I was too caught up in the moment.

"Can't take the risk." He kept his gaze down as he spoke, almost like he was expecting me to leave, so I tipped up his chin and gave him a soft kiss.

"It's ok, I understand. At least one of us was thinking straight." I smiled at him. "It's not like birth control is the easiest thing to get round here…"

He laughed quietly, "Can you imagine Mel and Jared's faces if I went to them?"

"I'm pretty sure they'd kill me." I thought of Mel's suspicion as we ate breakfast this morning as I settled next to him and wrapped my arms around his strong torso, "And anyway, we still barely know each other, guess we got a little carried away."

I felt the silent chuckle rumble through his chest. "Maybe a little."

I sat up again and pulled off my vest top and shorts, I felt slightly self-conscious now that I was out of the steam, which was pointless as if he hadn't stopped us we could be well past that point, and put on the still warm shirt he'd taken off earlier.

"So…" he started as I wrapped myself around him again, "you like my real name then."

He was teasing me and it was comforting to know that things weren't going to be really awkward between us. "I do, is that a problem Mr Stryder?" I teased him back.

"Definitely not." He placed a kiss on the top of my head and reached down to pull the covers up.

We laid like that for a while, as I traced the muscles on his stomach and chest, one of his arms wrapped around me while the other hand slid down the side of my body and bare thigh and back up again in a gentle caress. I managed to keep the fire under control, it just simmered below the surface, and I heard his heart beat slowly return to normal.

He was back to being Jamie again and in a way I was glad, it was nice that he wasn't trying to act differently, I thought that maybe this more mature side of him came out with the fire, I knew that with me, at least, all rational thought had flown straight out of my head and I'd let my body take over, just needing to feel him against me.

Jamie turned on his side and cocooned me in his arms, I was enveloped in his warmth and already my eyes were closing as I used his arm as a pillow for my head.

"I'm sorry if I was a bit… sloppy." His temperature rose as he blushed.

"You weren't, promise. I especially liked it when you bit me." I said cheekily then felt a wash of worry, I wasn't sure if it was ok to talk like this and I squirmed slightly waiting for a response, I hoped I hadn't just made things really awkward.

"Really?" I could hear the surprise in his voice, "I thought I hurt you." I shook my head against him, blushing myself now. "I was just worried, 'cause, well, I've never kissed anyone before."

He sounded embarrassed and I wondered why, I liked that he hadn't. "Neither have I, I told you I've never had a boyfriend."

"I know but… people aren't always _together_ when they… make things physical." He struggled to get the sentence out and added quickly. "But I'm really _really_ glad that you haven't, even if he were a soul now I think I'd still be jealous."

"Well then it's good there's never been anyone else then, isn't it."

He hesitated and I listened as his heart beat sped up slightly, "I hope there never is anyone else."

My warm 'Jamie feeling' came back and replaced the fire simmering in my veins and I looked up at him, "Me too." I said softly and he kissed me again, gently this time, he cupped my jaw as he drew away and rested me back onto his shoulder.

I wriggled around a bit until I found a comfortable sleeping position against him then secured the covers under my chin and let my eyes drift shut, the warm feeling melted the last bit of ice inside me and I was able to _dream _of Serah for once, she was happy and human. I couldn't remember the details but it felt like a great relief to me, to not be looked at with hate or fear for the first time in day

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><p><strong><em>Please read and review, so far I have nine but only from three people! If you're one of those people then I'm very grateful, you're appreciation means a lot to me, but it would always be nice for more people to say something so if you haven't don't be shy! I won't bite, even if you want to give me a bit of criticism.<em>**


	13. Chapter 12: Busted

_**All characters (except Emma Hhaze) belong to Stephenie Meyer**_

_**Just thought I'd say that for anyone interested I've started a blog on wordpress, it's just about little things in my life really so it's not something you have to read if you just want to stick to the fanfiction, but if anyone is interested my name on wordpress is**_ **glosswriter. _I haven't really written anything yet but feel free to have a gander. _**

**_Also I've tried to say Soccer in this instead of football, as I know in the USA football is some kind of rugby for people with a deathwish, but if I've left football in and your from the US then just assume I mean Soccer._**

**_Enjoy :)_**

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><p><strong>Chapter 12<strong>

I felt so inexplicably happy the next morning when I awoke, I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and rolled over straight into Jamie's arms and remembered my reason. Things had taken a bit of a leap yesterday and I was glad, I hadn't realised until then what torture it had been without that closeness between us. He mumbled something, still fast asleep and stretched out and I decided to let him sleep in a bit longer, he looked so peaceful I couldn't bring myself to wake him. I curled up into his side and repositioned the covers over us. I pressed a light kiss to the scar on his shoulder as I drifted off again.

"Well this is interesting." I could hear someone saying, I didn't immediately recognise the voice, I was still in a dream state.

I tried to reply but it just came out as a mumble of incoherent noise. Whoever it was laughed and I realised it was a man, but I still couldn't say who. I knew it wasn't my Jamie at least. But where was Jamie then? I moved my hands slightly and found one was on his stomach and the other behind his head buried in his hair.

"You're going to wake them up." A woman scolded the man quietly. Her voice was high pitched but not unbearably so.

"Well, they need to wake up eventually, Mel will come looking otherwise." So it wasn't Mel that was here, which probably meant the female voice belonged to Wanda, and that meant the male voice must belong to Ian as they were rarely separated. "Could you imagine her response if she came in here and saw them together?" They were still talking in hushed tones but now that I was coming out of my haze their voices seemed unbearably loud.

"She's already seen us." Jamie's voice was groggy and I heard his back click as he arched slightly. He wrapped his arms around me and I couldn't help but bury my head in his shoulder, I felt like there was something inside me pushing me to get as close to him as possible.

Ian laughed and I bristled with indignation, my eyes opened their sole purpose to glare at him. This only made him laugh even more.

"What did she say?" He asked innocently.

Jamie grinned sheepishly, "She wasn't the happiest person, but it wasn't as bad as she thought."

"Ha! I'm sure it wasn't." Ian winked at Jamie, "Sly dog."

"Ian!" Wanda gasped, she look appalled at what he was suggesting.

Jamie frowned at him and tugged the covers up protectively around me. "It wasn't like that." There was a snarl in his voice. "Don't talk about it like that."

I rolled around onto my back and looked up at them in the doorway, "What do you want?" I sighed, I didn't want anyone fighting because of me.

"Well, we thought you might like to know it's almost lunch, and Mel and Jeb are about to come on the rampage. Mel's going nuts and Jeb just doesn't want to miss a good show." Ian laughed and it echoed through the room.

I groaned. I liked Mel, I did, but she could be pretty scary when she got into a rage. I'd once witnessed her slap Jared across the face for teasing her about how much she was eating. I really didn't want to be on the wrong side of her, especially when it came to Jamie.

"What show's this?" Jeb appeared at Ian's shoulder and gave a crinkly smile and a small laugh. "Well Mel's just gunna love this, ain't she."

"Might as well start selling popcorn." Jamie muttered to himself and my face turned the horribly blotchy red to broadcast my embarrassment at the audience we were gathering. We'd been doing this for almost a week now, why did everyone have to show up at once?

"I don't know why everyone's so surprised, we all saw this coming. Two teenagers stuck in caves together, forced together by… unseen forces," Jeb winked at us and I realised that he was actually a genius, the way he'd manipulated us into spending time together, but I wasn't angry at him for it. "it's about time they got it together. Not that I'm condoning any inappropriate behaviour in my home, you understand!" He was giving us a warning just like everyone else so far, no 'funny business' was how Mel had put it.

Jamie gave a frustrated sigh, "We haven't!" He slid out from under me gently as he reached for a shirt to put on, sure to keep the covers pulled up over my body. I wriggled the shirt of his I was wearing down from where it had ridden up, then I grabbed a pair of shorts from next to the mattress and slipped them on. Jeb had left and Ian was on his way out too, Wanda cast an anxious glance at us before she left. I don't know how I ever doubted Wanda, she had to be the gentlest person I'd ever come across, soul or otherwise. I felt bad for causing her worry, but we actually hadn't done anything and I was still a bit offended everyone seemed to be convinced that we'd had sex. Firstly for them thinking we would jump into things that quickly, although for me I had to admit that was a possibility, and second that they thought we'd risk the chance of me getting pregnant.

I'd never considered having a family, there had always been too many other things to occupy my mind, but I considered it now. Not in the near future but _maybe_ one day, I don't think I'd like to go through life and never experience what motherhood felt like. Briefly I thought of what Jamie would be like as a father; caring, compassionate, playful, and willing to teach children all he knew. But then I dismissed it, no one could see that far into the future.

I stood and removed the shirt I had slept in, smiling slightly at Jamie's wide eyed innocent look of bewilderment as I changed. The way he could flip between demanding and fiery, to so sweet and innocent was astounding, but I knew all I had to do was start kissing him and that innocence would be lost. The thought made me shiver slightly in anticipation.

I walked over to where he stood and wrapped my arms around his neck. "Sorry about that." I didn't want to cause friction between him and his friends and family. "I didn't mean to make everyone so worried."

His arms folded around my waist and pressed me tightly against him, "It's ok, they need to have some more faith in us."

"I suppose it's hard though, for them." I met his questioning gaze with a kiss, "They care about you so much they don't want to see you get hurt, and I guess for Mel it's more than that, you're her little brother, she doesn't want to see you grow up too fast. To her I'm a threat." I grinned at him in apology. "It's understandable people are getting a bit edgy around me."

"They shouldn't though, they should trust us." He started kneading my back the way he always does when I'm getting tense about something.

"I think they trust you, but they don't know me, so they _can't _trust me."

"We'll keep telling them and they'll just have to believe us won't they." He rested his forehead against mine, "I won't let them talk about us like that. I won't let them talk about _you_ like that." He brushed the back of his hand against my cheek and I closed my eyes at his touch.

"Just don't drive a wedge between them and yourself, family is more important than anything, and everyone here is your family." At this he kissed me gently and I forced myself not to deepen it, to not get caught up in the heat that ignited the blood in my veins.

"Lunch." I said as I pulled away and he grinned.

"You read my mind." I couldn't help it as I grinned back at him. I could tell that of him at any time of the day, he seemed to have an endless appetite.

We walked out of the cave through the now deserted hall in into the black tunnel. We walked quickly, hurrying because of our hunger and because of the threat of Mel coming for us looming over our heads, mine specifically.

At last we found our way into the kitchen and the few remaining people laughed quietly at us appearing together, I spotted Wanda in the corner on her own this time and went to sit with her, it was rare that she was without Ian.

"Hi Wanda." She glanced up at me and smiled warmly, even with her worry for Jamie she couldn't stay angry at me. "I'm sorry… about this morning."

"It's ok, it was just a bit of a shock that's all." She still looked horrified at the idea, and I tried to hide my smile at how odd the expression looked on her angelic face.

"Wanda… we didn't… we haven't –"

"Can you promise me that?" Mel had walked up behind me and was listening intently to my conversation with Wanda.

"Yes, we can." Jamie came over to pass me bread and water, "It's all we have left, sorry."

"It's fine." I smiled at him then cast a tentative glace at Mel, she looked a bit happier but still rather wary of me. I gave her a reassuring smile and it was her turn to roll her eyes at me for once.

"Who fancies a game of Soccer?" I heard Jeb say from the mouth of the cave. Everyone cheered in excitement apart from me. I noticed Wanda didn't look the happiest about it either.

"You'll play won't you, Emma?" Jamie looked so excited about the prospect that I hesitated with my rejection.

"Or you could help me keep score?" Wanda piped up, and I smiled at her gratefully, I wasn't being modest when I'd previously told Jamie I was terrible at Soccer, I was truly awful.

"Come on then, you lot!" Jeb waved us forward and followed us out of the tunnel and into the plaza, then back into another tunnel towards the rec room. I hadn't been in here since before the kitchen had been rebuilt and I saw that at the opposite ends of the room sticks had been propped up to show where the goals were. As everyone filed in from their previous jobs I sat on the side with Wanda and watched and waited.

"I don't know anything about Soccer." I whispered to Wanda desperately.

"Don't worry," She smiled at me, "You count up how many times a goal's scored on the left and I'll keep an eye on the right."

Ian, Jared and Mel were on one team with eleven others, and Kyle, Jeb and Jamie were on the other with another eleven. I noticed that Lily and Heidi were on opposite teams and were playfully taunting each other, whereas Mel looked like she was gearing up for a fight.

"I didn't mind Soccer when I was with Mel," Wanda told me, "She knew how to play and it felt right in her body. She loved running and the stretch on her muscles felt nice." Sighing she watched as the game started, Kyle and Ian battling for the ball. "Unfortunately this body is less well built for Soccer, and Ian doesn't want me to get hurt." She turned her gaze to me briefly before focusing back on the ball that was flying up and down the room. "You don't like Soccer?"

I shook my head at her sombrely, "I always get hit in the face, and I've never been a huge fan of sports." My gaze followed Jamie as he took possession of the ball and ran up the room, only just missing a goal as Heidi deflected it with her fingertips. "At least Jamie's enjoying himself though."

Wanda grinned at me and cheered as Ian scored his first goal. That was one goal on the left then, I tried to remember so that we could tell who'd one at the end. We spent the next hour and a half cheering when someone scored and laughing at the dramatics when someone was 'fouled', in reality they were just throwing themselves on the floor at every opportunity.

Mel's team won by two goals and were celebrating with chocolate, withholding it from the others until Jamie played the little brother card on her and she gave in, hugging him as she stuffed a few bars into his hand.

Jamie found me waiting by the tunnel and took my hand pulling me to the washroom, feeding me chocolate along the way. Once alone in the steam he pulled me in for a kiss, tasting like chocolate, and picked me up, his long strides allowing him to step over the stream and dodge the river easily, then he was stripping down once again and slipped into the warm water.

"Care to join me?" He said with an easy smile.

I returned his grin and pulled off my top and shorts. This time when I entered the water he wasn't as distanced as yesterday, he immediately pulled me into his arms and gave me another searching kiss. I let out a sigh at the feel of his skin against mine and lifted my hands to bury them in his hair, dragging him closer to me.

He gave me a breathy moan then pulled away, "I think we better hurry up, if we're caught in here we'll never hear the end of it." He whispered in my ear and I agreed, I'd only just convinced Wanda and Mel of my innocence.

He reached for the soap and started washing my hair gently, easing out the knots with nimble fingers, then he made me tip my head back to rinse my hair and started lathering the soap down my neck and across my back, tracing my scars as he went. He left the rest to me, out of respect more than anything as I'm sure he'd love the chance to wash the front of me, and started to wash the sweat off of his body. I didn't get dressed as quickly this time, my embarrassment having faded a little after last night and once back in the light of the plaza I could see he was the happiest I'd seen him for days.

It was getting on for dinner now and there wasn't much to do today so we went to the kitchen to eat again. Again the dinner was rice and carrots with added cabbages from one of the fields. Wanda found a bottle and passed me one the Health tablets. They really worked, already my hair was feeling glossier and healthier than it had done for years and it was growing quickly, it would be shoulder length again in almost no time at all.

Once it started getting dark people started to make their way back to the sleeping quarters. I was in my own world not thinking about anything in particular for a while, just listening to the background chatter of our table. I was so lucky to have found this place out here in the middle of nowhere, a place where I could at least be accepted and maybe even make some friends, and I was so lucky that I found Jamie. Of all the possibilities of finding a man my age it was most probable that that man would be pretty screwed up, or a jerk, from the invasion but Jamie wasn't. I smiled slightly to myself. I really hoped that I wasn't about to wake up and find this was all a wonderful dream and that I was still waiting for the coyotes out on that rock floor.

I looked up at the ceiling in wonder, I had been up there not too long ago only a few weeks actually, yet it seemed like I'd been in the caves longer than that. It seemed like months somehow.

Ian and Wanda got up and said goodnight, then Jared hoisted Mel to her feet and led her off as well. Jamie was still eating, he'd commandeered the leftovers and I watched him with a small smile on my face.

"What?" He swallowed a particularly large mouthful and I grinned at him.

"Nothing, I just don't know how you seem to fit it in." I said it lightly, I didn't want him to think I was taking a dig at him like Mel had with Jared, although I doubted Jamie would ever hit me or hurt me in any way.

"Ah, and I told you before I'm still growing." This just made me grin wider.

"Really?" I said, "You get any taller and they'll have to make the tunnels bigger." I joked. I'd thought before that maybe he was around six feet, now I was sure he was at least six-four, which had to just have been my misjudgement before because he couldn't have grown four inches in just the last few weeks.

He stuffed the last bit of bread in his mouth with a flourish and stood up, taking my hand and leading me out again. The walk back was peaceful, no one around but us, and I liked it like that. I liked spending time alone with Jamie, it made my skin tingle and my heart rate speed up but it didn't feel pressured or frightening, just exciting.

We made it back to his room and I pulled off my top and shorts, catching the shirt he'd taken off and thrown to me. The room was dark but for the light from the moon and the stars as I slipped under the covers. Jamie hugged me into the heat of his body, his chest was so warm I almost purred.

After a few minutes he asked me tentatively, "Can I see your back?" His words were soft, like he thought he was asking something impolite.

"Of course you can," I rolled to my side and pulled his shirt over my head, "you've already seen them anyway."

"Not really," His fingers brushed away my hair from my neck and he started to trace the scars lightly, as though memorising every one. "I couldn't see in the pool, I could only feel." His fingers dodged the strap of my bra and continued on down my spine.

His hands worked down to the small of my back then back up to my waist as he pressed kisses against my neck and back. He placed them hesitantly, carefully, as though he didn't know what to do which was understandable as I guess he didn't, but neither did I. I closed my eyes as his lips brushed my skin and I felt my blood heating with every kiss.

Finally I couldn't take the pressure and reached behind me to cradle the back of his head, making him pause at a spot under my jaw bone which he then kissed and bit gently down on in quick succession. I made a weird keening sound which he apparently liked as he made a small noise against my neck and repeated his actions. I turned over into his arms and kissed along his jaw to his mouth, our tongues battling once again. I could feel him against my thigh and I involuntarily moved my hips against his. I knew we couldn't go that far but there was no harm in this, surely.

He gasped against my lips so I did it again, wrapping a leg around his hips in the process. I was rolled onto my back so that he rested on top of me and he let out a quiet growl, his hands searching my bared waist as his lips sought my collar bone. I should probably feel alarmed at this especially in my state of undress, but I couldn't find it in me. I felt his sweat pants against my legs and drew back from him.

"Well that's just not fair." I said daringly, giving him a small pout. He grinned and knelt up to remove them leaving us both in our underwear. Again he rested between my hips but kept his angled away slightly, perhaps out of respect for me and perhaps so that he could keep a level head. Just wishing for some form of birth control wasn't going to make it magically appear.

When he started nibbling the skin at the top of my bra I forgot his restraint and moved my hips to feel him again, causing him to draw a ragged breath but he didn't pull away again. I rubbed against him slightly, loving the friction. Our lips met again and I sighed into his mouth at the closeness of it all. I wouldn't like to say I wasn't nervous when it came to this, even if we were still partly dressed, but I couldn't deny how much I was enjoying it.

I moved down to his neck tilting his head back a bit and kissing under his jaw bone, the ball of pressure in my lower abdomen making me daring as I bit down on his pulse point lightly. He made a muffled noise into my hair and his hips bucked forward of their own accord, hitting against me perfectly.

"Sorry." He gasped out, his voice rough.

"James." I almost whimpered his name and did it again, this time raising myself to meet him and breathing heavily into his neck.

"Got to stop, I'm sorry, but I've got to stop." It sounded like it pained him to say it and from the feel of him against me I thought he might actually be in pain, he certainly was straining against his boxers. I wasn't completely naïve and I doubted he was too, we knew how sex was meant to work, so I knew that this must be as much torture for him as it was for me.

Even though I knew this I still couldn't help but whine, "Why?" against his ear. I didn't want it to stop, didn't want the glorious friction gone yet.

"'Cause I'm not going to be able to take it much longer." His voice was low and shook against my ear as his body was shook with restraint. I shivered in delight at the meaning of his words, feeling my skin tingle all over, but I let him go and he rolled to his side. I left a few inches of space between us for a few minutes as he got his breathing under control and seemed to calm down a bit. It gave me time to get myself under control too, the knot of arousal in my stomach was almost painful but it started to dissolve after a while.

His heart rate was still faster than usual as he turned to embrace me and I smile against his chest. I sat up and pulled on his shirt, thinking of how everyone had decided to visit us this morning, being only in my underwear wouldn't help our case. Jamie seemed to think the same thing as he searched for his sweats, finally finding them in the corner and pulling them on.

We spent a few minutes in comfortable silence before Jamie spoke again, "I'm sorry." He still sounded quite pained.

"What for? Stopping?" I teased. "You should be, I was enjoying that." I raised my head to wink at him to show I wasn't actually annoyed, I understood really.

"Oh, believe me, so was I." He laughed.

"Don't worry," I traced the waist band of his sweats smiling as his muscles tensed, "I could tell."

I felt him blush beneath me. "I'm sorry, I just got carried away." He spoke quickly, embarrassed at his actions.

"Don't be, I'm glad we're on the same page." I pressed a kiss to the faint scar on his shoulder, "I was just the same."

I saw him grin at this, "Well, that's true." Then he looked down at me with curiosity, "What is it about my real name?"

It was my turn to blush, "You just feel… older. Different. And so do I when we're like this." I hoped he wasn't offended. "It just seems to fit."

"I know what you mean, Jamie seems a bit childish sometimes…" His voice pitched lower in his annoyance. "It's something that everyone here calls me 'cause they've know me since I was younger, especially Jared, and Mel obviously."

"I like the name Jamie, but it doesn't fit at times like that." He nodded against the top of my head in agreement but stayed silent after that. I could feel his heart slowing down and his breathing evening out as he started to drift.

He'd done more exercise than me today with playing Soccer and everything so after he fell asleep I watched him under a strip of moonlight until my eyelids started to drop with fatigue. I stretched out against him, pulled the covers up securely and faded into a dreamless sleep.

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><p><strong><em><span>Thanks for reading! Please leave a review, it makes me smile everytime I see a new email in my inbox that someones appreciated this enough to leave a comment :)<span>_**


	14. Chapter 13: Out

_**All characters (except Emma Hhaze) belong to Stephenie Meyer**_

_**I'm trying to update every few days now but it's going to be a little harder over the next few weeks as I'm studying again after the Easter holidays, so bear with me.**_

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><p><strong>Chapter 13<strong>

That week passed quickly. Every day I would wake up in Jamie's arms and we'd lay with each other for a bit before kissing and soaking up the last of the warmth under the covers before hauling ourselves out of bed and into the kitchen for breakfast. At night we'd bathe together and hurry back to our room, by the end of the week Jamie barely had the bed sheet pulled back over the doorway before he was tackling me back onto the mattress and smothering me with kisses.

On the eighth day – I had no idea what day of the week it actually was – I noticed Jamie being oddly distant and quiet, his touches were less frequent and his troubled expression was making me worried. It wasn't until after dinner when we were bathing that I had a chance to question him.

"Jamie?" I wrapped my arms around his neck and rested my head on his chest as I slipped into the water after him. "What's wrong? Did I do something?" It wouldn't have surprised me if I had, so far I'd been pretty safe with Jamie but my lack of social skills were sure to slip me up at some point.

He wrapped his arms around me and squeezed me in reassurance, "It's not you, I promise." He rested his head on top of mine and breathed in the smell of my hair.

"What is it then?" I looked up into his face, just about making him out through the steam due to our close proximity.

"We're running out of stuff…" I continued to stare at him blankly. Stuff? What did that mean? He continued in response to my lack of understanding, "We're going to have to go on a raid again."

I felt my world had suddenly stopped spinning. Jamie, out there again? I know he'd been out when I'd first fallen in here but since then… the last time he'd left the caves he'd ended up with a knife wound. What if this time it was worse, and he didn't come back at all?

I watched him as he stared at me intently then started to look worried, I could see his mouth moving but I couldn't hear anything, there was an odd rushing sound filling my ears. It was lucky that his arms were banded around me as I felt my legs crumble and if he hadn't been holding on to me, gripping my arms, I would have been swept away on the current, underground and never seen again. It was then I realised my breath was caught in my throat and I couldn't make my lungs move until Jamie shook me snapping me back to reality with a gasp.

I slumped against him, woozy from the lack of air and felt my eyes closing. I was lifted out of the water and lay flat on the cold floor. I felt Jamie's breath on my face and I could hear his frantic whispers now.

"Emma, Emma!" He shook me and I whimpered, I was so cold all of a sudden. His hands roamed over my arms and he must have realised how cold I was as he covered me with his body, still whispering my name urgently. I felt some heat sink back into my bones as his weight settled and I cracked my eyelids open.

"What happened?" I croaked. My lungs protested at me speaking, burning so fiercely I almost stopped breathing again, so I clamped my mouth shut.

"I don't know, you looked like you were passing out though." I moved my head in a slight nod against his neck. My head pounded with lack of oxygen and I closed my eyes once again.

"Don't leave me." I whispered against him, my throat and lungs still burned but I pushed through it. My desperation and loneliness fuelled my questions, no matter my embarrassment at the level I had come to rely on him. "You might never come back. What will I do then? Without you?" I would have started crying if it hadn't been for the pain in my throat.

Jamie shh'd me and pressed a light kiss against my lips, "Don't worry I'm not going, I can't leave you here on your own, I'd go mad thinking about you, if you were okay, if you were hurt. I'd miss you too much."

I felt a couple of tears slide down my cheek but held back the sobs as I thought about spending weeks on my own, having to spend every night on that double mattress by myself without Jamie by my side. I sat up and pulled my top and shorts on as he lifted off of me and pulled on his shirt and trousers hiding his lean body. We traipsed back to our room in silence, me leaning heavily against him with my shaking legs.

I flopped onto the mattress and Jamie came to join me, I curled up against him and we lay in silence as he rubbed my back.

"I'm not going to go, I promise." He whispered pulling me against him tightly, his well-muscled arms around my waist.

I didn't want him to go, and it was a relief that he said he wouldn't, but I also didn't want to stop him. It's not like I could keep him in the caves for the rest of his life, or as long as I was here anyway. He would end up despising me for taking away his freedom, just like I had despised the souls for taking away _my_ freedom, making me hide away. Really there was only one way around it.

"Jamie…" I said quietly against his neck, suddenly nervous that he might reject me, "what if I went with you?"

I felt him freeze and his heart rate pick up and he started to knead my back, this time I wasn't sure if it was for my benefit or his, either way it was soothing. "I don't know." I could hear his voice shaking, "I don't want you to get hurt, and I said I wouldn't go."

I shook my head, "I don't want to make you stay here when you want to go out, _need_ to go out." I voiced my concerns to him softly, "I don't want to make you stay underground for the rest of your life, and end up with us being so… distant. I don't want you to end up hating me." I finished quietly.

"Oh, Emma…" He turned to the side so he could look me in the eye, "I don't think I'd ever be able to hate you."

"I don't want to risk it." I whispered.

He glanced down as he though to our interlocked fingers. "I'll ask Mel and Jared, and Jeb too. I think it should be ok, and if I'm honest, I don't want to be away from you for all that time, so if they say no I'm staying here with you."

The familiar warmth that accompanied his sweetness towards me spread through me and he looked up to see my gently smile. "Thank you," I whispered and kissed him lightly on the lips, "I don't think I could stand it if you went without me, I'd be worrying constantly whether you were ok, whether they had… taken you… or worse." I tried to control my breathing as I said this, the stabbing panic in my chest making it hard to breathe.

"Shh, nothing's going to happen to me, to us, I promise you." I was enfolded once more into his hot embrace, "Wanda always makes sure of that, we're her family and she'll protect us at all costs." The sureness of his voice lulled me into a sense of security and I stretched my neck to kiss him again.

He kissed me back tenderly at first, but I could feel the fire begin to consume me again and things got heated once more, my nails scouring his chest and back as his fingers tangled in my hair and removed my top.

I sighed at the feel of his warm skin pressed against mine, which allowed him to deepen the kiss further. His hands ran up my bare thighs until they reached the bottom of my shorts and he hooked my legs around his hips, resting on top of my slightly but put most of his weight on his elbows. The weight was delicious and I pulled him more firmly onto me, almost crushing my ribs but somehow it still didn't seem quite close enough. I managed to push down the sweats he always slept in with my feet, and rubbed my legs along the bare skin of his, loving the slightly rough feel of the smattering of hair on his thighs against mine. He managed to extract himself from my lips long enough to remove my shorts and then we were back to where we had ended up every night this past week; in our underwear pressed against each other in frustration but nothing more.

That doesn't mean to say I didn't enjoy myself. Each time he touched me the fire sang in my veins, fuelling the desire building in a knot in my lower abdomen until I gave in and started moving my hips against him. I drew small gasps and whimpers from him as I bit his lip, kissed across his jaw and down his neck.

"I think I like this side of you more and more." He groaned quietly into my ear as I sucked gently on the pulse point on his neck, eliciting a moan from his lips and a jerk of his hips, pressing the hardness of him into my centre with a gasp.

I wasn't sure which side of him I liked more, Jamie or James. I think the moments when we're caught up in the heat and he starts whispering sweet things in my ear, and when he looks to me to see if he's over stepping the boundaries are my favourites. He's both at once, my Jamie and my James rolled into one moment. Some might have got annoyed that he interrupted the fire or that he liked reassurance, but I didn't. I thought it was one of his best attributes, that he could be the source of so much comfort and pleasure at the same time, that he cared whether or not he was upsetting me or making me uncomfortable, that he cared about me enough to even whisper those sweet nothings to me. There was no doubt in my mind that I would be lucky to have him even without the invasion, how many people out there could be as caring as him after all we'd been through?

When he pulled away a good while later I let him roll off me, listening to his pants with a smile as he tried to control himself, whimpering quietly a couple of times in his frustration. "You're going to be the death of me." He laughed, quietly due to the late hour. "I think my heart was about to jump out of my chest."

I grinned and kissed him swiftly on the lips, "If only you could know the effect you have on me, too." I whispered against him and he gave a slightly smug grin making me smile in return. I found his shirt and pulled it on as he retrieved his sweats and I tucked myself into his side, pulling up the covers around us.

He chuckled quietly as I yawned against him, "Tire you out, did I?" I just grinned and nodded slightly and positioned my head in the dip between his shoulder and chest, my favourite resting place.

"Will you really ask Mel and Jared?" Quietly I asked the question that forced it's way into my mind.

"Yes, I will, 'cause I can't be without you." He said softly and squeezed me tight, he kissed the top of my head and I sighed in contentment.

My warm feeling fluttered inside my chest and I kissed him back on the jaw. "I can't be without you either." I whispered softly. I felt tears welling up in my eyes as I wrapped my arms around him. "My Jamie." I breathed against his neck, I don't know if he heard me, but I thought he did when I heard him sniff quietly.

I fell asleep enclosed in his warm embrace, my cheek pressed against his neck and his breath whispering across my face.

Sunlight streamed through the cracks in the ceiling and I squinted into the light filling the room, I'd slept a lot later today. I stretched out, my hand searching the mattress for Jamie, but I met nothing.

I sat up dazed and confused, this was the first time I'd woken up without him since Serah had died. I pulled my clothes on and was about to pull the bed sheet aside when I walked straight into Jamie. I stumbled back and he grabbed my arm to steady me.

"Good morning." He grinned and pulled me into his arms, kissing me before I could catch my breath.

"Where were you?" I didn't want to sound needy, I just wasn't expecting him to be gone. "Sorry, never mind." I blushed and looked at my feet.

"What for?" He looked at me quizzically, "You're allowed to know where I am." He laughed and then smiled wider as he added, "Pack some stuff."

My eyes widened, "I can go with you?" I almost squealed.

"Yeah." He laughed at my expression and I let out the first carefree laugh in as long as I could remember. I hugged him tightly planting a wet kiss on his cheek. "Here." He slid a backpack I hadn't noticed against his dark shirt, off of his back and handed it to me. "We're leaving as soon as, so let's pack some stuff and not keep them waiting, Mel's always been impatient."

Jamie threw clothes to me and I packed them, rolling them up as small as possible to fit more in. We had a bit of space left over so he packed an extra shirt and a book he was in the middle of reading, something which I had interrupted, he teased me. I stuck my tongue out at him, feeling buoyant as I sprang around the room waiting for Jamie to finish.

Finally he picked me up under his arm and carried me out of the room, a grin stretching from ear to ear. I ran my hands over his arms when he put me down at the mouth of the tunnel and kissed him, squeezing his biceps, I couldn't deny I loved his strength.

Jamie broke the kiss and led me forward, "Better not get started on that," he teased, "we'll never get out of here otherwise." He winked at me then disappeared into the dark, me at his side.

We jogged to the plaza finding Mel and Jared waiting with Ian and Wanda by the tunnel leading to the exit, Jeb was standing slightly behind them grinning at my expression of glee.

"You two took your time." He winked at us and I willed myself not to blush, I didn't want any friction between me and Mel; or Wanda feeling strain, she doesn't often have the ability to feel dislike towards anyone but I'm sure it was possible with the human host; it would make her very uncomfortable.

"Have you got your stuff?" Mel asked, appraising the bag on Jamie's back.

"This is it." He replied.

"It doesn't look like a lot." Wanda frowned.

"I don't actually own anything," I answered her, "I thought I better not take too many clothes as I'm sharing everyone else's'."

Wanda nodded in understanding, "I'll get you some when we're out there, you're about the same size as Mel."

"Where's Kyle?" Jamie turned his attention to Ian.

"He decided to stay here with Sunny again," He explained briefly, "she doesn't feel up to it this time." Jamie nodded, Sunny was a nervous soul, more so than Wanda.

"I left him and Doc in charge," Jeb said, impatient, "now let's get out of here."

We walked into the cool, musty shade of the tunnel and I took Jamie's hand, not knowing my way through this part of the caves. I'd been blindfolded the last time I'd been through here and that was a few weeks ago now, maybe a month – I'd lost track of time.

It felt like an age had passed by the time I saw the bright sunlight shining like a ribbon at the mouth of the caves. We sped up as we neared the exit and I saw Jeb and Jared suck in a deep breath of the desert air as they emerged.

I stepped out onto sand rather than smooth rock and cast my gaze across the never ending landscape of the desert. I never thought about my reaction to being out in the desert again but now I gasped as the unbearable panic and desperation struck me again and my breathing quickened, Jamie wrapped an arm around my shoulders to remind me it wasn't the same as last time.

I wasn't alone, and we were prepared.

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><p><em><strong>Please read and review. I know this is a long piece of fanfiction but I do know my end point, I just need to fit some other things in first.<strong>_


	15. Chapter 14: Bound

_**All characters (except Emma Hhaze) belong to Stephenie Meyer.**_

_**So... this chapter had to be changed :( the website has now reminded us all that even though a story is rated M it cannot contain explicit content, and even though this isn't the most explicit thing that I have come accross on here it has to go even though it kills me to change it.**_

_**If you want the original chapter PM me but it can't be posted unfortunately.**____**(06/06/2012)**_

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 14<span>**

The travel across the desert flew by as we changed cars and trucks, meeting Brandt in the lorry that was our final choice of vehicle for our raid. I still thought he would have liked Serah, his intensity and dry humour would have pleased her from what little I could remember of her personality.

The days were spent travelling and chatting in the back of the lorry, keeping quiet when Wanda went to pick things up from various stores on our travels. At night Ian or Jared drove with strict instructions from Wanda to wake her if they got pulled over, for that reason she always slept on the front seat so she could switch positions with whoever was driving at a moment's notice.

I spent the nights under a blanket in the corner of the lorry, using Jamie as both a pillow and a radiator. There were no more heated situations between me and Jamie for a few weeks, and although things were still nice I could feel the tension rise slightly between us. Not a tension that made me dislike him, oh-no, it was the kind that could only be relieved through physical contact. The kind of tension we'd been able to keep at a reasonable level in the nights in our room back in the cave, and with every passing night I wondered if it was going to be more difficult to hold back once we had our privacy once again.

The closest contact we could have were a few discrete kisses at night when the light was low but that was all, a very restrained reassurance between us; restrained because we were surrounded by Jamie's friends and family. I think it wasn't so bad for Mel, Jared, Wanda and Ian, they didn't like it but they could understand it. Jeb was just giving us his wise, slightly crazy, smile, but it was Brandt that was feeling rather uncomfortable and I felt sorry there was no one he'd taken an interest in, once again making me think of Serah. I suppose he must have felt like a third – seventh? – wheel.

The night things got really tense was through no fault of our own.

The night was quiet, barely anyone on the road, so Ian took the wheel with Wanda resting her head on his shoulder as she slept. I finished up the chapter I was reading in Jamie's book – a romance of all things – and pulled the blanket over me as Jamie finished up his game of gin with Jeb, Jared and Brandt; Mel was in the front seat next to Wanda.

Jamie tucked himself in next to me and gave me a couple of fleeting kisses before he wrapped his arms around me. I was almost asleep, my head positioned over his heart listening to it's steady rhythmic beating, when the lorry stopped. I heard Ian whisper something urgently then Wanda was swapping seats with him.

"Be quiet and keep your eyes closed." Ian hissed into the back. I saw Jeb, Jared and Brandt hastily get under their own blankets and feign sleep as Jamie's hold on me tightened a notch.

"Keep your eyes closed." Jamie said so low that only I could hear him.

The situation dawned on me. We had been pulled over by a Seeker, and there was a chance that we may not make it out of this. I reached into the pocket of my shorts and scooped up the small pill Jeb had given me at the start of our journey, he'd said it was for 'emergencies' and this seemed like one to me. I felt Jamie move slightly next to me and I knew he'd done the same.

"Hello," Wanda's voice was surprisingly alert considering she had been asleep mere minutes ago, "is there a problem?" I couldn't help be surprised by the ease at which she lied, but I guessed she went on raids often and her love of Ian and Mel compelled her to lie well.

An unfamiliar male voice carried through the lorry towards me, "Just checking up on some that pass through here," His voice was slightly rough, perhaps the host had been a smoker? "we've heard rumours of insurgents."

Wanda gave a dramatic gasp, it seemed overkill to me but the Seeker took it in his stride, "Humans? But… how? I thought they had been inserted?"

"The vast majority has been," He reassured Wanda, "if I could just take a quick look around."

"Of course," Wanda had no choice but to comply, "please don't wake them though, we've been packing all day." She was referring to our cover story of a moving family, a cover story I was still dubious of.

Beside me Jamie's heart beat quickened, but his breathing was controlled. He moved his arm so that it covered the skin of my scarless neck, and turned his head so that the fake insertion scar that Doc had given him was on show. I clenched my fist around the tablet I was holding, praying that we'd somehow make it out of this situation.

My chest constricted at the thought of Jamie swallowing that pill. I wasn't worried about myself, if was better to die than to be inserted – or discarded – but what of Jamie? I thought of him being wiped from existence, of never feeling his lips on mine again or the sound of his voice and I had the sudden want to sob hysterically. I managed to keep myself in control, to suppress the sobs, by scrunching my hand into a fist behind his back, something which was uncomfortable for both of us but he didn't make a sound, not even a hitch in his breathing.

The door to the lorry creaked open and the sight behind my eyelids turned orange as the light swept over us and I willed myself not to react, not even a flicker of my eyelids. I heard him step towards us and Jamie's arm twitched as the Seeker inspected his neck, his hand moved to my neck and moved my hair. My heart thudded wildly and I began to worry that it was audible, but he gave up on my neck when he realised Jamie's arm was blocking his way, respecting Wanda's wish that we were not woken.

Only a soul could leave this stone unturned, be happy to believe that because Wanda was a soul and that the others had scars we weren't human. After all, it seemed impossible that any human could have managed to get an insertion scar without an actual insertion because for what they knew only souls had the necessary medicine.

His steps faded away and I assumed he was inspecting Jared, Jeb and Brandt's necks. Apparently he was satisfied as I heard the door creak shut again and a few seconds later he was addressing Wanda through the window again.

"Everything looks in order," I could imagine him smiling at her in assurance, "I'm very sorry to have stopped you. Make sure you get enough sleep, it would be dangerous to let your host become sleep deprived while driving."

"Of course," Wanda replied warmly, "thank you for your concern."

It was silent for a few minutes then a car was pulling away ahead of us. "We're good." Wanda whispered to the silent night air.

I heard everyone give a very audible sigh of relief and I unclenched my hand from Jamie's shirt. I stowed the tablet back in my pocket with distaste as did Jamie and then he crushed his lips to mine. It was only a brief kiss but it scorched me down to my soul, I wasn't the only one that had been thinking about taking the tablet apparently. When he pulled away I buried my head in his shoulder and started sobbing quietly. My nerves were shot and I thought maybe he was crying too, I could feel his body shaking and I wrapped my arms around him.

"You kids are alright." I heard Jeb say from across from us. It was the softest I'd ever heard his voice, he could tell that we were burnt out.

Wanda drove to a nearby motel and although I hated to be in the presence of more souls I didn't complain as we walked swiftly to the rooms allocated to us, my gaze fixed on the floor and my hand gripping Jamie's as if my life depended on it; it probably did.

We had gotten two adjoining single bed rooms and another double room, meaning that me and Jamie would have seperate beds but I was planning on climbing in next to him anyway. Jeb and Brandt had to top and tail but they said they didn't mind. To my surprise, though, Jeb pushed me and Jamie towards the one with the double bed and I frowned at him as he closed the door in my face, his expression unreadable.

"What - ?" I turned to look at Jamie in confusion and my mind went blank. He looked so broken. His shoulders where slumped and his eyes filled with tears. Tear tracks marked his golden sun-browned skin and I realized he was shaking. I'd never seen anyone, much less an almost full grown man, reduced to such a state.

I put aside my confusion at crazy ol' Jeb and walked over to him swiftly. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and pushed his head to rest in my neck, my heart aching at his distress and I let the knowledge that I could have lost him finally take hold of me. Then I was crying too.

We just stood there for what felt like forever, wrapped in each other's embrace sobbing quietly together. I knew then that Jamie meant more to me than anyone had before, and if the situation had not been so easily put to rest in the truck I would have given myself up, persuaded the Seeker I was the only human, to save Jamie from swallowing that tablet.

His arms tightened almost painfully around me, but I was so happy at being able to feel him in my arms again after I thought that might be the end that I didn't complain. He began to walk backwards slowly, and when his legs hit the edge of the bed he flopped back onto it as gently as he could, never releasing me from his hold. We scooted up until our heads met the pillows and raised our heads from each other's shoulders.

I was sure I looked a mess, I was always an ugly crier, but let's face it he'd already seen me cry a million times, what difference was one more going to make. It was dark in our room, we hadn't bothered to turn on the light, but I could make out his face. I lifted my hand and rubbed away the tear tracks from his skin gently, wiping away the moisture under his eyes carefully and he raised his hands to do the same for me.

His hands cradled my face tenderly and he slid closer to press a gentle kiss against my lips, still trembling with emotion. I put one hand on his neck and the other in his hair and pulled him forward. I needed to feel he was here, that he was next to me alive and well. For the first time our kisses weren't heated, they were slow burning yet they seemed to be so much more important.

We were both still shaking and after a few moments I stopped to bury my head in his neck again, just to breathe in his smell and feel his steady heart beat against my chest. A couple of times he drew in breath as though he wanted to say something but couldn't get the words out, so I kissed his neck softly to let him know it was ok.

He brushed my hair away from my face and put his lips to my ear, I felt his shaking worsen and his pulse race. "I thought I was going to lose you." His voice shook and made my heart break slightly.

"So did I." I managed to choke out, "I was so sure that was the end." I could still feel the tablet jabbing into my leg through the pocket of my shorts, mocking me with it's promise of death.

He tightened his arms around my back and tangled the fingers of one hand in my hair. His breath was warm against my ear as he breathed, "I love you."

I was silent for a moment as I digested this, no one had told me they loved me before, not since I was very little before my parents had been replaced, and that was an entirely different kind of love. I snapped out of my reverie when I heard his dejected sigh and his forehead flopped against my shoulder, shaking once again. I realized how this must seem to him, the fact that I didn't reply straight away. It must look like I was hesitating, like I didn't love him too.

I moved my hands to his neck and pulled back to look into his dark, tear filled eyes. I rested my forehead against his and whispered, "I love you too." then kissed him soundly.

"You mean it?" His lips moved against mine as he spoke. I understood why he asked, my pause before looked like I'd been unsure.

"Yes," I kissed him again, "I was just digesting the information. I'm sorry." It sounded like an awful excuse so I added, "I've known I've loved you for weeks, you just took me by surprise is all."

His tongue ran across the seam of my lips, begging entrance, and I opened them willingly. My slow burn was building inside me, not like the fire we'd felt so many times before, more like water coming to the boil. Rising and rising until it was so much it burned me from the inside. It was like he was branding me with his touch.

I sighed in relief of our temporary safety as he deepened the kiss. I needed to feel him. I ran my hands down his shirt until I reached the hem then lifted it in a jerky fashion until he raised himself enough for me to remove it. I ran my hands down his chest, searching every inch of available skin, memorizing each muscle as though I might not ever get the chance again, on this raid I wasn't sure if I would.

In return he lifted my purple tee over my head and ran his hands along the curve of my waist and the flat expanse of my stomach. One good thing about living in the caves was you never gained much weight, something I was glad for right now. His hands moved to the button of my shorts and undid them; I slid them off my legs and threw them into some distant corner of the room, proceeding to remove his jeans. I was fully aware now of how intimate this seemed, that we could undress each other with no hesitation, and now that my head was clear of the fire I was fully able to appreciate the man lying next to me. From his loving eyes and chiselled torso, to his warm gentle hands and hard lower body.

We spent the night in each other's embrace, our bodies taking over in something innate within us. There were nerves and fumbling and, thankfully, Birth Control in the bathroom which strangely enough look just like the No Pain. I had to trust that it would be enough.

Jamie was as he always was in those moments, more James than Jamie, but never pushing and always checking. Some might think this was frustrating, cloying even, but it was a relief. I knew that if I panicked and wanted to stop suddenly he would let me, and maybe that's what gave me strength and courage to do it.

I won't lie about the experience, it hurt – a lot – but it was rewarding. I've never felt as close to anyone as I did to Jamie that night.

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><p>Afterwards we lay in a close embrace, not wanting to break the intimacy we were feeling. "I love you," he said again, having said it almost like a mantra. His breathing was starting to recover, "I'm always going to be here for you I promise, nothing's going to separate us."<p>

"I love you too," I whispered sleepily into his neck, "and I hope that's true, 'cause I need you by my side." I pulled up the covers around us and closed my eyes. "I'm yours."

"Mine," he said to himself, giving me a little squeeze, "and I'm yours."

I was drifting into sleep before he'd even finished his sentence, but I managed to catch it as I entered a dreamless state.

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><p><em><strong>Please read and review. I know this chapter may seem a bit lame but it had to be changed from the original, which I personally loved, due to the reasons I've stated at the top of the page. Let me know what you think as this is a work in progress and I'm happy to change things.<strong>_


	16. Chapter 15: After

_**All characters (except from Emma Hhaze) belong to Stephenie Meyer.**_

_**This chapter has also been edited to make it slightly less graphic. **__** (06/06/2012)**_

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 15<span>**

I woke in the morning to find myself the most relaxed I had felt in a long time. It was one of those mornings where your sleeping position is so nice that you never want to get up. The tension that I hadn't realised was weighing me down was finally free. It felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. The frown that had been marring my face for the duration of the raid was no longer my expression, and a sense of peace surrounded me.

I heard the sheets rustle next to me and a smile tugged at my lips. Stretching a hand out behind me I met Jamie's warm arm which came to band around my waist, I sighed at his warmth and shuffled backwards to press my back against chest as he wedged his other arm underneath me, effectively trapping me in his embrace. I opened my eyes blearily and was momentarily disoriented. I was in an unfamiliar bed in an unfamiliar room. The wallpaper was the generic patterned kind and the curtains were a non-descript beige. There was a ceiling fan, which I was grateful for as the day was already heating, and the sheets were starched. Panic caught me for a second until I remembered the raid, and why we weren't in our cave.

Jamie's hand trailed down my back and I murmured slightly, still in a sleep ridden daze, my eyelids fluttered as I tried to battle off sleep. I could see through a small crack in the curtains that it wasn't quite dawn and I wondered what time I had gone to bed.

I felt Jamie plant a few kisses on my shoulders as he began to trace the scars covering my back. I sighed in happiness as he pulled me tighter against him, until I suddenly realized that we were naked. I stiffened for a second and forced my brain into gear as it struggled to fill in the gaps.

"Oh!" I let out a little sound of surprise and Jamie's hands stilled on their exploration of my scars. I rolled over to face him, making the connection of the room and our situation.

I held in my gasp as I took in the sight before me, not able to keep my gaze from travelling south. I forced my eyes back up to his face to see his embarrassed smile. My face heated and I tucked myself into him, revelling in the feel of his skin touching mine, completely free of obstruction.

"Good morning." I squeaked.

"It's always a good morning when I wake up with you." He whispered in my ear, tugging me into his arms and bunching up the duvet under our chins.

My brain was thankfully now filling in details with more and more clarity, which was blessed but also making my hair stand on end as I thought about our antics last night. I shifted to get closer to Jamie and felt the soreness south of my waist as well as the ache of my hips from being forced in one position for some length of time. Yep, my brain was telling me right, and I couldn't stop grinning. At this rate I would turn into the Cheshire Cat.

A small chuckle rumbled through his chest and he wrapped his arms around me. I pulled the covers up over us and kissed his neck gently; I never wanted this moment to end. I felt a patch of oddly textured skin and leant back to look at it properly. It was a small purple bruise which I noticed with no small satisfaction had my faint bite marks around it.

Jamie turned his head awkwardly to see what I was looking so smug about and shook his head in disapproval. "Well that just won't do." He kept his gaze averted from mine, locked on the small mark on his shoulder.

"What do you mean?" I frowned, I didn't think I'd actually hurt him too badly, and only because of the initial pain from early last night.

I gasped in shock as a split second later he had me pinned under him with a mischievous look on his face. "I don't think it's fair that I have a mark and you don't." The breath caught in my throat as I stared up at his face. His eyes twinkled in the little light starting to peak around the curtains and the shadows caused by the dim light accentuated his sharp, angular cheekbones. His lips were full for a man but in no way feminine, and his shaggy hair fell around him almost like a dark halo.

A grin lit his lips then he dived toward my neck kissing it all over, he sucked at my pulse point before working down to my shoulder to a similar point that I had marked him. He started sucking and nibbling on the skin there while I just kneaded his firm back muscles with my fingertips, helpless in his sweet torture of my neck.

"There," He drew back with a satisfied smile, "_now_ you're mine." I grinned at his eagerness and locked my legs around his to stop him from moving. I drew his head down to mine and gave him a long kiss.

"I love you." I managed to gasp as I caught my breath.

"Love you too." And once again he visibly relaxed, an easy carefree smile taking over his face. I marvelled at how those three simple words could give me butterflies and the warm homey feeling around my heart.

Jamie lowered his lips to mine again and I pulled his weight a little more on top of me, loving the feeling of his skin against mine. "Another time, yeah?" He said against my lips, sensing it was too soon to be repeating last night.

I nodded in confirmation and with a grin I eased him onto his back, settling on my front against his chest with my head on his shoulder. His arms wrapped around me again as I began to fall back into my doze.

There was a bang behind me and I felt Jamie press my body tightly against his, his hands on the small of my back and his breathing shallow. I craned my head to look over my shoulder towards the noise and was met with Ian's stunned expression. Ian seemed to be processing many things; shock, surprise, fear – probably because of Jared and Mel – and most of all amusement. He was struggling to keep a straight face as Jamie grimaced at him. "You just be glad it was me and not Mel or Jared, or Wanda for that matter." He grinned, "Wanda wouldn't have ripped into you but she would have told Mel and Jared."

I buried my head in Jamie's shoulder, mortified, and felt myself pale instead of burning a bright red for once. Ian sounded confused for a moment, "I thought Jeb and Brandt were going to top and tail and give you two separate beds." He grunted, "He's always been nuts. Get dressed before anyone else finds you."

I breathed a sigh of relief as he shut the door behind him and raised my head to return Jamie's embarrassed grimace. "Come on, before Jared and Mel turn up looking for Wanda and Ian." I hesitated before pulling the sheets off and standing up, self-conscious of my uninspiring body. I glanced at Jamie over my shoulder as I hurried towards the small en suite, the cool air refreshing against my skin. I had just turned on the shower when I heard him scramble after me, his bare feet slapping on the linoleum of the bathroom floor. He hugged me from behind as we stood under the hot spray of the shower, my back to his stomach, and he dropped kisses on my neck and the love bite on my shoulder.

The cold tiled wall made me jump as I brushed against it, so I turned around to face him. He gathered me up in his arms and I pressed myself against his body to reach up to kiss him. Jamie grabbed the cheap soap off of it's holder and washed my back first then let his hands roam over me as he learned the contours of my body, seemingly fascinated with my hips. I watched as the water turned pink for a moment with a small amount of my blood from last night, and his hands stilled on my waist.

"Are you ok?" He murmured against my neck, encircling me in his arms from behind. "I didn't realise I made you bleed."

"Neither did I but I'm not surprised," I tilted my head back to look up him, "it hurt."

He frowned but then grinned against me which he stifled it quickly, "Sorry." He whispered, "Is it wrong that I'm a little proud of myself?"

"No, I don't think so. I think it's one of those milestones and to be honest… I never thought I would reach it. I thought I'd be a soul or dead and never get the chance. Not that I ever had much time to think about it." I closed my eyes and listened to the comforting patter of the shower.

Jamie was quiet for a moment. "I know what you mean." He began to massage my back. "I always felt safe in the caves but I wasn't sure if I'd ever be… involved with anyone. I didn't think I'd meet anyone my age, or anybody I thought more of than a friend." He turned me around and leant down to kiss me. "I like to think that even if none of this had happened, we might have still met."

I stood on my toes to press my lips to his. "So do I. It sounds strange, but I'm really glad I fell onto those coals."

"Yeah," He laughed, "it does sound a little strange."

I silenced his laughter with a kiss and took the soap off of him. I lathered it up in my hands and started to wash his chest, following my hands with kisses over his chest and back, tracing his muscles and running my hands over his strong arms. I felt a little apprehensive but he guided me, and I learnt his body off by heart, so much so I could probably wash him with my eyes closed. Despite it being thrilling to touch him this way and feel him return my touches, I was enjoying the shower more for the emotional intimacy of the situation. There was something else in the air other than the sexual charge between us, something that made my insides feel like they were melting and resetting into something new, something made just for him.

Once clean we stood with our arms wrapped around each other for a while under the warm spray of the shower. My head rested on his chest and his rested on top of mine as I kissed his collarbone and he traced his fingers up and down my spine. My eyelids began to droop; I felt like I could go back to bed but I didn't know when we were leaving again, probably soon before the souls started wandering around again.

The water was going cold so I shut it off and grabbed two towels, wrapping one firmly around myself and handing the other to Jamie who patted himself dry then towel dried his hair as we walked out of the bathroom.

Voices could be heard from next door so with a quick glance at each other we retrieved our clothes strewn about the room and dressed in a hurry. I ran my fingers through my hair as I didn't have a brush and scrubbed my teeth with my finger at the sink; the motel provided toothpaste but not toothbrushes. I pouted at Jamie being dressed again to which he just rolled his eyes at me and winked, letting me know they'd be off again as soon as possible.

We exited into the hallway, and entered Ian and Wanda's room in which everyone was convened. Jeb and Ian gave us knowing looks which I pointedly ignored, willing my embarrassment prone body not to betray me.

"You ready?" Wanda was bounding about the room checking she had everything, "We're heading back today."

I grinned in relief, I'd enjoyed being out of the caves but now it was taking its toll on me, and after the Seeker last night I was starting to feel jumpy. I'd seen Brandt getting restless over the past week or so too.

We left the motel behind us, climbing into the back of the lorry discreetly just as the sun rose fully, then Wanda was driving again. I always felt more exposed in the day time and took to hiding mainly in one corner, even though the back of the lorry was only viewable if you opened the back doors. Rather than joining in Jeb's card game Jamie sat next to me and we shared our whispered conversations. After a few hours he lifted me onto his lap and got out his book which we read together in silence for a while, Jamie slowing his pace to match mine and not leave me straggling behind.

We'd be back to our patch of desert by the morning, then it'd be a few more hours travelling across in various vehicles before we reached the safety of the caves. I sighed in contentment as I rested back against Jamie and he put his book away, it now getting too dark to read. I tugged a blanket from the corner and draped it over us as I listened to the idle chatter of the others, and Ian took over driving duty from Wanda so she could sleep. I giggled quietly as Jamie nuzzled my neck in the dark recesses of the corner, back to his playful self.

I grinned covertly and ground my hips into his as I was still half on top of him from earlier. He gasped and restrained me by putting one hand on my stomach and the other on my thigh.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," He groaned almost silently into my ear, "I might not be able to restrain myself."

I bit my lip and looked at him over my shoulder. He captured my lips briefly with his then lay down holding me firmly to his body. I could feel him pressing against my behind and I had to fight the urge to grind against him again, it would only torment us both with what we couldn't have. Even so I couldn't stop my mind wandering to last night, less than 24 hours ago, when we made love. I shivered at the thought of his delicious weight pinning me down again, making me feel those things… things I'd never felt before.

I moved my thoughts swiftly on before I could get too frustrated and thought about being back at the caves… which inevitably led to thoughts of being alone in our room again. Would we be able to do it again? Neither of us had picked up the birth control from the motel I thought bleakly and my heart dropped. Probably not then. But maybe there'd be a way of sneaking some from the others. The thought struck me quickly and I blushed guiltily, I didn't want to steal from anyone but I thought I might spontaneously combust over the next few weeks if I didn't, I was already fidgety and restless.

I finally managed to fall into a restless sleep, the gently sway of the lorry and Jamie's soft breathing lulling me into unconsciousness.

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><p>I was woken a few hours later by Jamie moving and Wanda's high voice speaking urgently over to us from the cab of the lorry. I couldn't work out what she was saying in my sleep addled state, the words were loud enough but were making no sense, almost like a foreign language. Panic gripped my muscles tight with fear and paralysed me. Was there another Seeker? I remembered my vow to save Jamie, I would not, <em>could not, <em>let him die.

I lay stock still absorbing my surroundings, feeling Jamie's heat still close behind me and Wanda's voice still talking from the cab, but eventually I realized Wanda's tone was urgent but not worried, more like she was in a rush. Relief coursed through me and my body sagged with exhaustion as the adrenaline wore out of my system. Before I could ask what was happening, sleep took me away again.

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><p>I woke again a short while later as Wanda climbed back into the cab and slammed the door behind her.<p>

Jamie felt me shift and moved me onto his lap. My heart flutter madly at his touch and butterflies warmed inside my chest, responsive to only his touch.

I blinked the sleep out of my eyes as Wanda started the truck again and put my head on Jamie's shoulder. "How close to home are we?" I yawned, burrowing further into his embrace.

"Home?" He looked down with a grin, "I'm glad you think of the caves as your home." He kissed the corner of my mouth. "We'll be at the Jeep in about twenty minutes with Brandt. Mel, Jared, Wanda and Ian will follow in the van."

I nodded and arched my back, stretching out the kinks from sleeping on a hard floor. For the next twenty minutes I sat in Jamie's lap dozing lightly until I was hauled up and out of the back of the van into the Jeep. Jamie helped Brandt pull down the tarp from the back and then climbed in next to me.

For the next hour or so I dozed while Jamie read, and wondered what had been going on at the caves while we'd been away. There might even be someone new at the caves, after all I'd found them while Jamie had been on the last raid. I felt a wash of anger and irrational jealousy at the thought of there being another girl there, a girl no doubt more attractive than me; I was nothing special.

I shook off the thought. How likely would it be that someone would find the caves? Not very, which is how they'd survived for so long.

It was getting dark by the time we reached the caves and I could barely keep my eyes open; travelling always made me tired. Jamie took my hand and led me through the tunnel entrance. I savoured the cool feeling of the stone as I brushed my hand over it, and the musty air was soothing against my too hot flesh.

"Nice to be home isn't it." Jamie murmured quietly into my ear as we walked. I nodded, too exhausted to say anything.

Behind us Ian called out to Jamie to wait and I went ahead to our room alone, too tired to stand around talking.

I'd been spread out on the mattress for about five minutes when Jamie came in and I raised my head to look at him questioningly.

His eyes flicked to mine almost shyly as he peeled off his shirt and threw it in the corner. Following his lead I undressed and slipped on one of his clean T-shirts.

"What was that about?" I prompted.

Jamie cleared his throat awkwardly, "Only the most embarrassing conversation of my life." I continued to look at him with raised eyebrows until he rolled his eyes and continued. "About the other morning when Ian walked in on us."

"Oh," I cringed, "I'm glad I didn't stick around for that conversation now." I gave him an apologetic look.

"It's fine." He smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear as he lay down next to me. "Anyway it was only a few questions."

"What sort of questions?" I said suspiciously.

"Were we careful, were you ok," He cringed at the last one, "did I do it right."

"Really? He asked you if you did it right?" I couldn't help a small bubble of laughter rise from my throat at Ian's cheek.

"Yep." Then he looked at me worriedly and added in a whisper, "Did I?"

"Well… I don't have anything to compare it to, but I'd say you did better than alright." I scooted closer to give him a quick kiss.

"Good, and I'm glad you don't have anything to compare it to." He brushed the back of his hand over my cheek before slipping it behind my neck to draw me in for another kiss.

"So am I." I said a little breathlessly once he drew back.

"He also gave me this." Jamie hesitantly reached over to grab the rucksack we took with us at the beginning of the raid and looked inside before pulling something out and handing it to me.

My mouth gaped in shock, "He _gave _you this?" I was holding a new bottle of Birth Control.

"Yeah," Jamie looked at me apprehensively, "he figured that as we'd already done it anyway, it was better safe than sorry."

I was torn between being horrified, grateful, and jumping around in joy. At least I didn't have to steal off anybody now. I handed the bottle back to him as I searched for something to say.

"I wasn't trying to force you into doing anything by showing you that, you know that right." Jamie tugged thoughtfully on a lock of my hair, "I wasn't sure whether to show you now or tomorrow morning."

"You aren't forcing me to do anything, Jamie. I was very willing." I smiled shyly as I looked into his eyes.

"I know but just because we did it once, it doesn't just mean I can force you to do it whenever I like." I suppose that was true, and I should be grateful he wasn't a selfish pig. "Come on," He tugged me over to rest my head on his chest and pulled up the covers over us, "sleep. You look exhausted."

I was, so I settled on top of him and wrapped my arms around his neck. "I love you." I said softly into his ear and felt him squeeze me gently.

"I love you too."

Despite the fact I was exhausted Jamie managed to fall asleep first. He spread out over the mattress until the only way I could lie flat was by laying on top of him. With a smile I finally drifted off with my head rested on his chest above his heart listening to it's steady reassuring beat.

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><p><em><strong>It's been a little while since I've had a chance to write so I'm getting back into things again, for that reason I'm a bit worried this isn't as good as it should be but tell me what you think PLEASE! I need reviews to improve.<strong>_

_**Some surprises next chapter to do with things you've probably forgotten about... **_

_**READ AND REVIEW :)**_


	17. Chapter 16: Promises

**Hi everyone, I know it's been ages and I said I'd update quickly to some of you but as usual life got in the way so I hope you can forgive me. I know this chapter is short but that's because it's the 'clean' version, that means if you want the full version, which I strongly advise (not because it's 'dirty' but because it gives a better plot line), you need to PM me or let me know in a comment. Don't be shy, it's not something to be ashamed of and if you do feel that way just remember; I don't have a clue who you are! **

**Enjoy and PLEASE let me know if you want to read the original, it's all ready to go.**

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 16<span>**

I woke as the sunlight touched my face, changing colours behind my eyelids. I breathed small sigh and smiled knowing I was back in the caves. Jamie's scent surrounded me as I lay on top of him, as he was still stretched out over the mattress fast asleep. I positioned myself so I was blocking the sun from his eyes, I didn't want to wake him quite yet. He looked so peaceful when he was sleeping, the constant strain of living in secret wiped from his mind at least temporarily. We never talked about the stress of living under the radar, but it was always there poking around the subconscious.

Eventually, however, I heard people begin to make their way down the hallways to start another day in the caves and Jamie stirred beneath me, the familiar almost-crease forming between his eyebrows as he woke for another day.

"Good morning." I whispered against his lips as I kissed him awake.

He blinked slowly as he shook off sleep and grinned at me sheepishly. "I like waking up like this." He said as he banded his arms around me and gave me an affectionate squeeze.

"I thought you might." I grinned back at him, my hair falling down to frame his face.

He rolled me over suddenly so we'd switched positions, I felt the air get pushed out of my chest and I gasped in surprise. Jamie brushed his lips against mine before pressing a little more firmly and swiping his tongue across the seam of my lips. I opened them with a sigh as I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around his neck, enjoying our early morning greeting.

All too soon he broke the kiss, brushing my hair back from my face and neck. "Your hair's gotten longer." He said quietly so as to not break the moment.

"Good, I like it long. I wouldn't have cut it at all if it hadn't been burned." I smiled and he tugged on a lock playfully.

"You're beautiful no matter how you have your hair." He pushed the remaining strands off my neck and brushed his nose along mine to give me a fleeting kiss. "We better get up; we'll need to help everyone get the stuff off the lorry."

I sighed in agreement. I really would like to stay in bed all day… with Jamie… but there were things we needed to do and people would come looking for us if we didn't show up.

Jamie stood and held his hand out to me. I took it and he pulled me up, swiftly pulling my T-shirt off at the same time with his other hand. I blinked in shock at suddenly being almost naked.

"I've wanted to do that for a long time." Jamie said, his voice rough and his eyes dark, holding a promise of later.

I blushed and kissed him quickly. He passed me a pair of my shorts and a vest top as he slid off his sweats and hunted down a pair of worn jeans and a shirt. Once dressed we made our way down the tunnel hand in hand to find our way out to where Ian and Wanda were stacking boxes in a narrow dead-ended tunnel. Ian winked at us behind Wanda's back and I tried not to burn up for once, failing miserably.

We were instructed to take the meat straight to the kitchen where Candy and Heidi were preparing lunch. My eyes were now well adjusted to the darkness of the tunnels and my days of tripping on the rough steps were over, however that didn't mean I couldn't still trip over my own feet on my way through the kitchen tunnel, causing me to almost topple into Jamie and send all the meat to the floor. Luckily I managed to right my footing just in time.

Emerging into the bright kitchen we placed the meat on the counter. Heidi thanked us and set about preparing it for lunch while Candy started boiling the water for the potatoes and carrots. We waited around for a while until lunch was ready then ate quickly, before taking Wanda and Ian their lunch in the depths of the caves.

The rest of the day was spent heaving the boxes from the entrance of the cave to the dead ended tunnel. I saw Wanda looking into a small hole in the side of the cave and bent down to see what she was looking at.

Wanda saw me looking over her shoulder, "This is where I slept for a while when I first got here."

My eyes widened in surprise. "_This _is where you slept?" I stuck my head into the hole. It was barely big enough for Wanda as she was then, let alone when she was with Mel. "How did you fit in?"

Wanda smiled sadly. "It wasn't the most comfortable room." She glanced over to Ian who was looking particularly uncomfortable. "And I shouldn't say that it's where I slept, more that it was somewhere I was confined to." She shrugged as if all was forgiven. "They couldn't trust me then, I've proved myself now though." She turned away from me and started stacking boxes once more.

Jamie nudged me reviving me from my shocked daze. I shook my head numbly and tried to ignore the way Ian was looking rather guilty, but whatever he did couldn't have been that bad could it? Wanda had forgiven him after all, even loved him.

I wondered where Jamie had been through all this, but by the way I'd seen him treat Wanda and from his comments on Jared's earlier behaviour I couldn't believe that he'd done anything to hurt her. Not my Jamie.

The day passed slowly in the darkness of the tunnels but eventually all the boxes were inside and we walked together to the washroom, picking up some bread on the way. It was nice to finally be alone again and I reached out to take his hand as we descended the rough stone steps to the steam room. At my touch he wound his arm around my waist and I boldly stuck my hand in the back pocket of his jeans.

We'd finished the bread by the time we reached the washroom so Jamie picked me up fireman style and leapt deftly over the water, setting me down gently. I shivered in anticipation as I slid down his body and grinned as a thought struck me – we didn't have to bathe clothed any longer.

A devilish grin lit my face as I slid my arms down from their position around his neck down to the hem of shirt, shimmying it up his strong body and over his head. His eyes darkened as he came to the same conclusion and he gently twisted a hand into the hair at the nape of my neck to draw me in for a kiss. Keeping a firm pressure on my lips he dropped his hands down to the button on my jeans and undid them, sliding them off my legs and pressing my lower half into his.

I muffled a moan against his lips and drew back to finish undressing him. We slid into the warm water and he pulled me close to him again, pressing my chest against his. I happily melted into his embrace, loving the feel of his wet skin against mine.

Lathering the soap in his hands he massaged my back, kneading gently at the knots worked into my muscles by the days work. I let my head loll against his chest as I relaxed and shivered as his hands came around me to brush against the curve of my waist and up to my breasts.

My fingers brushed over his abdominal muscles and he sucked in a sharp breath making me giggle involuntarily. I felt his grin against my neck as he brushed kisses over me.

"That's a nice sound," he murmured, "you don't giggle a lot."

"Not a lot makes me giggle I guess," I had a stupid grin on my face as I threaded my fingers through his wet hair, "you make me happy though." I whispered to him.

"Good, I want you to be happy." He trailed his mouth up from my neck, along my jaw to the corner of my mouth. I tilted my head and parted my lips to deepen the kiss as he pressed my body against him.

The steam pressed against us and the dark closed in, giving us the privacy so seldom found in the caves. I fought for control as the kiss deepened and we somehow managed to press even closer together, our bodies rubbing against each other deliciously.

Finally Jamie pulled away panting heavily and scooped me out of the water with an ease that shocked me. I stood on the rock, the steam cooler against my skin now that I had immersed myself in warm water causing goosebumps to rise on my skin. Jamie clambered out behind me and pressed his chest to my back. Reflexively I arched my hips back into him, rubbing against him intimately. His fingers dug into my hips almost to the point of pain and my stomach knotted in a feeling that was becoming familiar to me.

"Oh, God." He moaned against the back of my neck and pressed himself against my behind. He placed a rough kiss against my neck then separated himself from me and tugged on his underwear quickly, his eyes hooded and dark and his breathing heavy.

I breathed deeply trying to regain my composure and shrugged my clothing onto damp skin, squinting at the uncomfortable feeling of socks on damp feet. Jamie grabbed my hand roughly and pulled me thought the room and out of the steam, excitement flickering in his eyes.

We jogged back to our room but it still took over five minutes to get there, and by the time we got there he was trying to pull my top off before the bed sheet had even swung back down in front of the doorway.

I raised myself up on my toes and tangled my hands in his hair to kiss him as he tugged off my jeans. We toppled back onto the mattress together and he covered my body with his before sitting up in front of me, nervous energy running through him.

"I got you something." He kept his voice low so as to not disturb anyone in the rooms near to us. I sat up and crossed my legs in front of him, my body strung with confusion; one minute intense need, the next he was radiating nerves.

Jamie moved to his knees in front of me, rested back on his feet, and searched through the rucksack he'd brought with him off the raid. I watched in curiosity as he brought out a black square and turned to me, trepidation in his eyes. He took one of the hands clasped in my lap and unfolded it before putting the square in my open hand. It was just bigger than my palm and felt fuzzy. _Velvet_ I realized. I also realised that it wasn't black, rather it was a dark blue.

Eye's wide and with breath caught in my throat I flipped the lip open. Inside a pendant hung on a sliver chain, it was a brilliant blue tear drop. The colour wasn't singular and flat, it seemed to cover the entire range of blue even in the dim starlight. It drew me in. It was beautiful.

I looked up at Jamie when I saw him twitch anxiously. "I got Wanda to pick it up for me," he said hurriedly, "I wanted to get it myself but I couldn't, you know, being human, and I didn't want to leave you after…" _After the seeker,_ I finished in my head.

"It's beautiful." I whispered. Tears sprang to my eyes involuntarily. "I've never had jewellery." My voice was hoarse from the lump growing in my throat as I looked back down at the necklace.

"Hey, don't cry." Jamie stretched out onto his side and pulled me into an embrace. I buried my head in his neck and tried to stifle my sobs.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, "I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Shhh, it's fine." he said then added hesitantly, "Do you like it?"

"Of course I do," I raised my head to look at him, "it's perfect."

He smiled with relief as I kissed him briefly and then pulled back to allow him to fasten the chain around my neck. It hung above my sternum between my breasts and shimmered against my skin.

I kissed him gently trying to show him my gratitude. Fingers brushed against my cheek as he brushed away my tears and he cradled my face in his hands, tracing his thumbs over my cheekbones.

Heat began to flood through my veins once again and I wrapped my arms around his neck. Giving in to the pleasure we found in each other. Giving in to human nature.

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><p>We rolled to our sides, our bodies cradled together, our legs tangled and our breathing ragged. Emotions welled up inside my chest as I touched the necklace once again, and before I could stop myself I was babbling into his chest.<p>

"I never thought I could be happy, you know, until I met you. I thought I'd spend my life going from one acquaintance to the next just waiting for them to be taken away from me. You changed all of that for me. Don't get me wrong I still fear that you'll be taken away from me too, but I feel like I can allow myself to be happy with you, even though losing you would hurt me more than anything." Jamie rubbed and kneaded my back in a familiar, soothing motion and I pulled the covers up over our bare flesh. "I don't know how I would have gotten through all of this without you, even if I'd found the caves; if you hadn't been here I don't think I could survived everything – especially Serah…"

Jamie lifted my head from his chest and tugged on my chin until I met his eyes, my face burning with embarrassment at my errant mouth. "You don't need to think like that. You never have to think about what it would be like without me, 'cause I'm not going anywhere." His voice was soft, but now it lowered to such a whisper that I had to lean in to hear him. "I would never leave you; I love you too much to even think of it."

I buried my head in his neck as unshed tears pooled in my eyes. I tried to swallow past the lump in my throat but couldn't, so I settled for sobbing quietly against him. "Sleep now." He whispered and rhythmically smoothed my hair down my neck. "Don't cry, please. Sleep, I'll be here in the morning don't worry."

I nodded, and realised I was completely drained. My eyelids were drooping heavily as I stretched my body against Jamie's, skin against skin. "I love you." I murmured quietly.

"I know," He replied, his voice rumbling softly through his chest made more noticeable by the comforting weight of the necklace around my neck, "I love you too."

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><p><strong><em>Thanks for reading! Please read and review, and let me know if you want to read the original version of this chapter. Don't be shy! :)<em>**


	18. Updated Authors Note

UPDATED AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Hi again,

Once again I've been a bad, bad author. I know I have. Really.

In my defence I went on holiday, then back to work, then got ill.

I've just finished replying to everyone who's sent me PM's about chapters and if you were one of those check your inbox! I'm very sorry to some of you that I've kept waiting since December. If anyone's looking to find the original versions of some of the chapters I've hidden away then just message me and add me on DocX. I'm more on top of things now.

On that note, I've actually been thinking of just putting the original chapters up on the story and marking them HEAVILY letting people know they contain graphic sexual content. I only hid them as I thought my account might get deleted but since there are a lot of people with worse content up I should be alright.

What do you think? TELL ME, TELL ME, TELL ME. I am not a mind reader. I'm also still waiting for people to tell me if you want a SEQUEL! I had a few people review and PM about it but I'd love to hear more, and what exactly would make you happy.

You're the readers. Your wishes are my command.

I'll update soon :D

PS: I'm available to be a BETA if anyone's interested. I'm much quicker editing than writing from scratch ;)


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